Rights

The sabers are rattling , the mans at the door 

looking through the  window

with a wild look in his eyes, ready to go  

As the forth amendment, crawls out the bathroom window

the first sits on the  flat screen TV and lies through his shiny white teeth

And the Second walks out the door.

As the neighbors laugh and roll around on the floor

and they are begging to see more 

How unorthodox do  we keep score?

As we police the police of the world to a point of horror 

 And we celebrate elaborately the 4th 

As a day when, we stopped injustice and law ruled  

 Not Man or kings so it seemed, but not any more 

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

It is true that our rights in the U.S. are slowly being trampled upon... With all of this wire tapping, the Snowden thing, spying on the people, reading our emails, wave--they're probably looking at this site right now...it's sad. I love the concept of the write; more things like this need to be written!

Technically, I would like to see a little more detail in this one. Perhaps give each of the Amendments their own personifications...like you did with "the first sits on the flat screen TV and lies with shiny white teeth". Give each of them a persona based upon their actual reading.

Other than that...it was thought provoking...good start, will be fabulous with a little work.

[jdking]

"stand up stand up for your rights"

I'm rocking with you man.....................
the grey hairs talkie talkie
with them forked smiles and twisted tongues , I know that's not what you mean with this poem its a whole lot bigger that that ?????????????????????? another time when the world has slightly tilted.

[Sarah Conder]

This is very cleverly written and thought provoking!