Nonverbal

Nonverbal

A Poem by Brandon

Two lives connect
at a point along
converging paths
I reach toward the window of anxiety,
and climb into the empty space of promises.
Only to fall.
What if, why doesn't?
My last thoughts
before the world of pain
thickens the air, 
and pulls at my broken heart.
Two lives connect at a point,
and I close the window.


© 2009 Brandon



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Bud
Profound...deep...powerful with an intertwined beauty. Excellent write!

"What if, why doesn't?"

The implications of this line are far reaching!!! Brilliant! Keep up the outstanding work! : > )

Posted 8 Years Ago


Good beginning; it really pulled me in.
I like the metaphor about the window of anxiety.
With this poem, you didn't need much detail because it was to the point.
Nice write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Perfect closing to a deep and powerful write. Your style is great.

Posted 8 Years Ago


THIS IS BEAUTIFUL by far my favorite. such intense emotion. and visual imagery here you have an amazing ability to give sight to the heart. that's the most important quality for a writer to stir emotion inthe audience. each one of your words was chosen wisely i can tell. "windows of anxiety" my inter pretation of that is seeing the way out and you can easy let yourself out but the resistance has a hold on you. i find myself in that position often.

Posted 9 Years Ago


You seem to do what I find so difficult. Expressing yourself in just a few words. A few words that move the soul.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I read some of your poems today and I'm really impressed. It's very hard to express a lot in a few lines. But you have that talent.

I'm fond of short poems and I like what I'm reading here.
The ending was brilliant.
Good choice of words, very effective...

Fine write.


Posted 9 Years Ago


hahaha "and I close the window." hahahaha That's just too delicious! Good job! I love your fast paced rhythmic flow. Great write!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the last line is incredible. the contemplation in this piece feels almost tangible.
great work

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Very powerful ending, connecting with the beginning. If I've noticed anything in your writing, it's that you definitely know how to bring a poem to an end. The only thing I would change if it were my own poem is this:
change
"I reach toward the window of anxiety,
and climb into the empty space of promises."
to
"I reach (or a synonym for reach)
toward the window of anxiety
and climb
into the empty space
of promise (making promise plural cuts down on the extra syllables)."

That way it doesn't seem like too many words in one line, and the effect is still there. It might conflict with the shortness of your poem though. You're the author, it's up to you. Great job, anyway.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow! I love the style in which you write. You keep it short, sweet, raw, and personal. Great job. I can see the window closing in my mind. Sorry for all the random reviews. ;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 16, 2008
Last Updated on April 10, 2009

Author

Brandon
Brandon

Oakdale, CA



About
Hey, my name is Brandon, and welcome to my page. I was born in merced California, then I moved to Germany, then to North Dakota, than to Minnesota, and recently back to the valley in California. I am .. more..

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