Devotion

Devotion

A Poem by Brandon

 


All I know is
all I gave to you.
From my whole.
From my heart.
From my soul.
And we sliped away
unseen.
For the first time
in bright white light.
I want you gone.
I wish it gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 


© 2009 Brandon



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Featured Review

This is moving - one of the best poems about love and all that follows that I've read in a while. That you kept it short is definitely an asset. I think that you give just enough in the words you have here that it remains powerful instead of drawn out. And the ending is very well done, also. My one suggestion would be maybe to break it into two stanzas after the line "unseen." since the last four lines seem to move to a different tone. Just a suggestion. It's also great as is.

Posted 9 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

The poem itself isn't what I had expected bc of the title. It's really good, I loved it. The last two lines were a brilliant twist. Fantastic write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


A wonderfully written and powerful piece. The last two lines were great.

Posted 8 Years Ago


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Bud
A library on the subject of love with so few words...Incredible! A talent to be sure! : > )

Posted 8 Years Ago


I read the title and to be honest, I didn't expect what I read. Short but very powerful. I think the opening and the ending lines make a complete entity. "All I know is.... I wish you gone, I wish it gone"!! Brilliant!

Posted 9 Years Ago


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Kit
when a poem can speak to everyone, you know you have something good. This poem can speak to anyone, because at one point or another, everyone has felt this. Short, sweet and to the point, the words are delicate and beautifully spoken, your form simple yet pleasing. very nicely done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


its an amazing thing when we realize that our love given out not given back doesnt take the power from the act. ;) awesome, makes me smile. be gone so that the clarity can continue, cos i feel no more need futile for struggle here.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Short, but moving. Powerful, and filled with emotion.

I love it when you can say so much when you say so little, don't you?

Posted 9 Years Ago


This one is a gem.

I wasn't expecting this when I read the title.

For the first time
in bright white light.
I want you gone.
I wish it gone.

Very powerful. Strong ending.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wanting something when you know you should not have it. That is what I pick up from this. Anyways good write. Short an powerful, just your style.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is beautiful, and while i love the idea and concept the execution is a bit rough. I like that it is short, and I don't want it to get longer but at the same time I felt like you should explain a little more, or at least not repeat... For example, "all I gave to you./ From my whole./ From my heart./From my soul." these lines are basically the same thing, and read like a repeat even though they aren't and they are slightly confusing. I like the idea of saying I gave you everything, all of my heart, all of my soul, but these three lines are really awkward... Actually these are the only lines that I have a problem with in the entire piece. I love the poem, and I love the idea... those three lines are just a little... off. o.O ...wow I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound babble. >

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 16, 2008
Last Updated on April 10, 2009

Author

Brandon
Brandon

Oakdale, CA



About
Hey, my name is Brandon, and welcome to my page. I was born in merced California, then I moved to Germany, then to North Dakota, than to Minnesota, and recently back to the valley in California. I am .. more..

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