Pieces Of Me

 

When we are children  

we say forever.

(I can remember being a small child)

Then when we grow up 

more and more. 

Often, we say never.

(And the first time I have ever felt love)

Let one throw the stone 

who claims its easy.

(I was so alone)

To see the invisible. 

To touch the intangible.

(I knew of nothing so pure)

Hollow be the name 

of the one 

I have yet to see.

(Always trying to get different perspectives)

 Every day seems to me,  

one more dream. 

Until she comes to be.

(Ill be by your side)

Of the flowers,  

tears birthed from me. 

Dew drops onto the grass, 

from the sea.

 

Reviews

[jen -- JG]

This is a good poem and is indeed pieces of a person. Yet I see it as two distinct poems.
Taking the whispers out, it reads as a child's thought and dreams.

Reading the whipers alone, they come across as a reflection from someone a little older who does remember the voice and yearnings of youth but who is now prepared to accept that things are different, and in seeking those different perspectives will remain by your side - even by the side of the youth that was.

Again, I may be seeing more than there is, but this is what I get from this poem.

Regardless, I liked it very much.

jen

[luthien7]

Very true. I love the feel of this poem. imagery and rhythm are right on
Great job

[Sara]

There is a strange rhyme scheme in here but it sounds good once you find it. This might sound silly, but the whispers and rhythm sound like the ocean to me...or maybe it depends on how you read it. A favorite! :-)

[Nick Erickson]

I have to say, this is a bit different from what I have read of yors before.
I read it twice, before I found my rhythm, though in the end I'm glad I took the time.
The imagery was good and I like the seperation of the whispers.
Well done.

[Jessamelia.]

Wowzers thats deep. But so insightful, it's notable! I love the parenthesis, makes a whisper louder. And the irony of your words, maybe only I can decipher?

[RHEA CROSLEY]

Very good flow and I like the way you show the discovery that age brings about. Good write.

[[untitled]]

A lot of thought has gone into this piece Brandon as the words in brackets give explanation to the preceding text. This is a novel idea for a poem (lol, no pun intended) Your thoughts here are true and beautiful. Your heart has much compassion and you speak of the children from two perspectives and several generations, not so much in terms of yourself (although you are in there) but you seem to have covered a few agegroups. I liked the flow of this...a nice read, thank you.
Cheers,
Helen :-)))

[Nely Amorim]

Thia is simply beautifully written. I enjoyed the images it invokes. Lovely piece thankyou for sharing it with me:)

[Hedra Helix]

I think its as graceful as your other works, I can hear your voice already, twilight color, more joyous than sad.

look at this:
And the first time I (have) ever felt love)

[Danielle Asher]

the middle is the part that really grabbed me. Throwing the stone, the invisible, the intangible. I don't find this simple at all.I love the complexity to it and how it weaves in and out. "one more dream, until she comes to be" your writing is always so delicious, like you can bite into it. It is so full of feeling and breath. Have I ever told you you are one of my favorite writers here? Ha, I know i have. lol

[Annalisa]

I love the simplicity and the sweetness of this... It as very tender. It reminded my of one of my favorite songs, "I'll Be Yours" by Placebo. Anyway, this was great, I especially loved the lines "Every day seems to me,/one more dream./ Until she comes to be./ (Ill be by your side)". Great work :)