Dumb Blonde

    Did you know I am stupid?

      You can tell by just looking at me.

             I have bright blonde hair, and some big old boobies.

              

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

That is what they say.

I love makeup, and pink, and am giggly for days.

I can't figure out your fractions.

But I can throw you an insult in vulgar Latin.

Stultus Est Sicut Stultus Facit.

That means stupid is as stupid does.

I'm often called stupid just 'cause,

I have b***s. Of my b***s you seem fond.

Fond. Elizabeth Bathory was fond of blood.

She killed many virgins for her immortality drug.

Despite her atrocities, the Queen of Hungary she was.

Hungary. Now I want food.

Pardon my brain, it's a little too loose.

Loose. Genghis Khan was quite loose.

1 in 200 are descended from his juice.

Juice. Many juices contain antimony.

A sometimes lethal substance; avoiding can be quite tricky

The lead in that can kill you. How freaky.

Freaky. I bet you're wondering how freaky I can get.

Did you know, there are billions of microscopic creatures inhabiting your bed?

Your pillow gains 5 pounds a year from their fecal matter; where you rest your head.

Head. Is that all you want from me?

D****t, I got sidetracked again.

5.9 million kids were diagnosed with ADD in 2010

They threw pills at poor, little, old Fred.

Fred called me a prude cause I wouldn't take him to bed.

F**k Fred.

He thinks I'm stupid.

So do you. 

When you laugh and call me "Ditz"

I'm secretly laughing back at you.

Reviews

[aj milton]

Clever transitions. That is one blonde I wouldn't mess with :)

[marvo]

Unusual but very clever writing