The Hooded Assassin

     A girl pulled her hood low over her eyes before stepping into the damp cell. A man sat tied to a chair and gagged. She took the gag and threw it to the corner of the cell before circling around the man like he was her prey. A Glock 18 was tossed back and forth in her hands. She didn't care that the man was pleading and crying out that he had no information and that she had the wrong man. A malicious smile lined her lipss. This man was breakable... The girl shook her head and pressed her gun to his kneecap. She pulled back the trigger and the man screamed. This girl was cruel and unwilling to listen to his nonsense. She walked past him again while running her fingers along his sweaty forehead. The man shivered and whimpered out of fear. The girl had no intention of speaking. He would give the information whether he wanted to or not. She finally stopped in front of him. Her gun moved his hair out of his face. She pumped out her bottom lip and lipped "Poor baby." The man opened his mouth but closed it again. She shot his arm and hit his face with the butt of her gun. He screamed again and the girl grabbed his throat. A choked voice came through.

     "Please...." He said and the girl released his throat, "Why do you not speak to me? Why don't you show me your face? How am I supposed to respond without a question?"

     The girl refused to speak but held her gun to his head.

     "Can I not know what I have been accused of? And you are so young.... Why are you doing the killing?"

     The girl moved her gun to his other knee and shot. By now, he was covered in blood and barely clinging to life but still he asked more questions.

     "Where are your parents? Who do you work for? You want answers from me? You answer MY questions."

     Her gun wavered but she leaned toward his ear and spoke very softly.

     "I am an orphan and I am my own boss. You have been sneaking around my territory. Now, tell me what you are up to or you will die a slow painful death." She pointed at the blood running down to the floor and puddling around her shoes.

     "I am a thirty five year old man and I work for a company that sent me here." He nodded his pale head but the girl grabbed his hair and looked him in the eyes.

     "What company?" She pressed the gun against his throat.

     "Can we work something out? This gun is making me uncomfortable."

     "No. What company?"

     "Mmmm... I am an agent. Still need to know what company?"

     "I could care less. Are you alone?"

     "I am alone-----" The girl turned around to shoot the gun but he managed to throw himself at her. She fell into the man's blood. The gun skidded to a stop by the door and the girl quickly crawled to it. As she turned around to aim the gun at the man now lying on the floor still tied to the chair, he held up his hands.

"Do you know why I came here alone?" He asked her.

The girl grit her teeth before dropping her arm to her side.

"You're young. No one has ever seen your face and there's no way you, yourself chose this life."

"You want to see my face? You'd never live to see another."

"Why would I want to? I'd die any way." The man struggled in his bonds.

She teetered on her feet. There was a reason why all people came there. They all wanted the same thing: her dead. The thing they never understood, though, was why she did what she did. She was an assassin and the man was right when he said she didn't chose her life. There wasn't any other way; she was born into it and even though she ran, she could never tell who was friend or foe. With a shaky hand she brought her hand up to her hood. It slipped from her head exposing her blood-red hair.

"Not even you know why you're here. They never told you," she shook her head.

"Thank you." the man's eyes began to cloud. Before she could ask why a trigger was pulled from behind her. The light completely escaped the man's eyes. She turned around and in one motion, she shot the man behind her. More would come... The hood was pulled under her eyes again. They all wanted her dead... They were afraid...

 

Author's Note

I wanted to write something more exciting on here.... I hope you enjoyed it! :) I'll fix it up soon. I could probably extend on this a lot more and maybe I will. I left it open for just in case I decide to make it into something much longer.

Reviews

[TheSweet]

This is interesting. And if the girl hadn't died, it could have seemed much like an intro to a much larger story. It seems a little wrapped up quickly - as if there was not effort to continue, or you got bored of the story and thought you'd just throw in the 'Let's kill her off and finish' card.

That being said, I do like the idea and badass characters like her are always a gripping read - I think so much more can be done with this. A few words you might want to change though are 'territory' - It seems an odd phrase to use unless it's a fantasy. And instead of 'her bottom lip and lipped "Poor baby."' you should use a seperate word than lipped - such as mouthed. Cause the repetition breaks it up.

I don't think you should delete it - i just think if anything you should expand on it because it has so much potential to be a really awesome story or character build up. Perhaps more use of description to put feeling into the man's fear / pain and her total lack of remorse - that could be cool :) Thanks for sharing.

[Bob Eiland]

Good basic story. Possibly too much tell and not enough show. The girl was cruel and unwilling to listen to nonsense. Fpr me, in as much as she shot him, it is obvious that she is cruel and unwilling to listen to nonsense. Suggest you leave more subtleties. This is the kind of story that lends itself to more unanswered questions. I hope these suggestions help

Bob

[Lord Guru]

This seems really cool. It could have been better. Maybe some fighting before the gun was pulled out? Thats just me, so you dont have to listen. This needs to be continued. If she was born into the life of an assassin, I'd like to see her full assassin skills. Do you have any other stories like this?

Check out my story 'Alex'. It seems like something you may like. If you could, i would love any tips on how i could expand it, because my overall goal is to write a book.

[BrynnaW.]

Thank you for reading, I know this really isn't my best work :) Yes, I have plenty of stories similar to this and much better than this one in my opinion. You may like 'Echoes' and I will check that out for you as soon as I can, I'd be glad to read it. Maybe I'll edit this story soon. Thanks! Hope you meet that goal.

[Brianna Van Zandt]

It's not bad. It's actually pretty good. I think you should make a story that branches off of this. Like, this was the preface or something, and the rest of the story is the whole "agency" thing.

[S4MFrost]

I think this has a good premise, but it's obvious that you wrote it just for the sake of writing it. I imagine you thought of it as you wrote it, and it shows. Here is my advice: Think of a real backstory for the "agency" and the girl, and then weave it in there. It will make it more interesting. At this point, we have no reason to care that the girl or the agent died. Second, show, don't tell. Saying "she was cruel" is redundant. We already knew that, considering she blew off his kneecap. If you want us to know something about a character, show us with actions, don't simply describe that feature about them.

TL;DR- It needs more plot, and less description. Don't delete it, but please do edit it heavily.

[Latsyric]

:O Whoa! It's hard to find a good, exciting story that will keep my interest nowadays. This kept me on the edge of my seat(bed, actually) throughout the whole thing! I, personally, think it's good here and I don't think you need to continue it, but you should do whatever you want with it. And if you did continue it, what would you continue? I mean, she got shot by more than twenty men. XD How exactly would you survive that without being some kind of mythical creature or a Ninja or something?

~With Love,
-Latsyric

[Lord Guru]

If you enjoy excitement, I have a story you might like. The Title is 'Alex'. Full of awesome action sequences. 'Teen Soldiers' is also good, but read the discription.

[PyroKitty24]

It kept me interested throughout the whole story~ It was very nice for a short story, but I think this would be amazing if it was longer and had a bit more details! Nice write!

[amdc101]

Whoa. Don't delete it. Keep going!

[Ysabel Reyes]

i enjoyed it! really thrilling

[~ Moonlight ~]

Chilling...... Eeek!! As Green Regol said that wa s the only problem but othe than that Great!