Reconciliation

Looking for her...............

 

 

 

Hello………
Child in light
I think I see you
Just grasping edge of my mind,
Where should I reach you
Skin burns bleakly cold,
Eyes clutch no ray of hope
Trespass, little light steps,
As you dissolve, decompose,
Falling on bleeding feet
Through chasms chained in sorrow,
Whipped into frenzy by those
Who standby suffocating you,
Claiming all the while, sighing
Words of love, just too much,
As they lay you down to
Pick pieces off your bones,
Slack in vacant promises
Of priceless treasures to come.
Untruths, ending of days
Binding of lurid night
Hollow stars, almighty flight,
Starved of beauty, deserted smile.

I think I see you.

Hello?

 

Gaiety, joker who rocks
In decibels, syllables, giggles,
Frowns at sorrow of lost youth,
Rockets you to hiding moon,
Glows not in warmth
For that would be the sun
Soaking rain, purifying dead skin
To float in sea of debris,
While rainbow fragments
Dreams of gold endings,
Brittle pots remain soberly empty.
Alice chases white rabbit still,
Queen of hearts roars disapproval
Under hasty clouds scattered,
Escaping dark stormy skies.

 

I was with you

 

 

Stay

Girl child
Let me warm fractured skin,
Fold you into my dreams
Rest a while, hush child,
Don’t go just yet
Don’t fret
Shush,
We have so much to talk about
How long has it been?
Since we shared a smile
Come girl child,
Let me dry your eyes
Tend your exposed skin,
Show you all the places I have been,
Lie upon me as we share dreams
I know you
As you know me
You’re my child within.

 

 

Reviews

[Linda Crawford Ortiz]

This is in answer to your question to me: "How do you do that?" Write a paliddromic piece. You're only a word or two away from perfection in that area...It's not really something that can be planned. It's more something with a perfect format and pace of a particular piece...and you've captured it here. The "Girl child" in this piece is an excellent reference to what we seek, ourself at a different time, in a different place. "You''re my child within/as you know me/I know you"...so passionate a personal address. They say that in order to write well, we need to write about what it is we are most familiar...you've accomplished that quite well right here. That deserves more congratulations and "decibles, syllables, and giggles" than anything else...this recognition of self and one's own inner child. Great write!

[Beckerz23]

i really liked this one...wish i could get into more critiquing n commenting n what not but i have 52 more to read!! thank you for ur submission :) it was an enjoyable read

[rachel D]

this is brilliant. just brilliant. i so love the format and the short lines. when i finished this i thought my favorite part was the last part. everything that comes after "Stay". but then i went back and my eyes caught other lines i was so struck by:
"Falling on bleeding feet
Through chasms chained in sorrow,
Pick pieces off your bones,
Slack in vacant promises
Of priceless treasures to come,
Alice chases white rabbit still,
Queen of hearts roars disapproval,"
all so great. but i think the last stanza is just so powerful in totality. warming fractured skin, drying eyes and tending exposed skin....
i love this whole thing. i'm faving it now!

[Phil Askew]

Wonderful! A "Reconciliation" with the child of our youth. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to accept and put into perspective those years of our immaturity. Good or bad, sad or lovable, time is the only answer to our own question of "Why?" I think the technique of you seeing the child, works to build a small amount of wonderment, that's answered only by your final line. I do not see much that needs fixing and can only offer these notes on S1 mainly.

S1 - L4 I would drop the "just." L5 This line threw me off a bit; "Where should I reach you" is a question that I did not understand. If you meant something like "How can I reach you?" then perhaps "How could I reach you" might work better. L6 You say "skin," but whose skin? It's too early in the poem for us to assume you mean the child's. Maybe you need to say "Your skin" or "My skin."

The rest is perfect as is. To change anything, would be to change your style, and we do not want to do that. Your writings are unique, and carry a rawness with them that comes from that style. Your poems read like phrases, uttered in an incomplete form, as if with urgency. This lends importance to what is said. It works to bring a rushing sense of dire necessity to the entire piece. I guess this is your style, since most of your poems seem to follow this mode.

Phil

[Sweet Temptation]

Your healing begins here, my dear friend. **Hugs** By comforting the inner child, we become stronger as an adult and you painted this perfectly. This piece is really touching. It was a difficult read for me, as I still struggle to find my inner child. I really like the way you found this child and comforted her. Just like I want to picture my reconciliation. Well written and very emotional read from me, but heartening at the same time. I cant say more than has already been said.

This part stood out for me the most:

Girl child
Let me warm fractured skin,
Fold you into my dreams
Rest a while, hush child,
Dont go just yet
Dont fret
Shush,
We have so much to talk about
How long has it been?
Since we shared a smile
Come girl child,
Let me dry your eyes
Tend your exposed skin,
Show you all the places I have been,
Lie upon me as we share dreams
I know you
As you know me
Youre my child within.

Excellent read and write.

[TL Boehm]

I'm not gothic or surreal but the first part of this piece talks to my inner child as well. peace.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

It seems really dark yet your words are soo beautifully put. Your hear and soul can be seen very clearly in this piece. Very well done again Bubo.

[R. Gene MacDonald]

Ahh the inner child. I think that mine has escaped an is masquerading as me in the real world. If you see him tell him to run, because he should be free. I liked this a lot because I related to it so much. I think most people can.

[Edward]

I liked this one a lot, i like the whole subject. It's great that you've connected with your inner child in such a way, that is the most honest and brave part of you. Loved the imagery and I like how you take us from scene to scene and the connection in the end is really sweet.

[Erotic Goddess]

Girl child
Let me warm fractured skin,
Fold you into my dreams
Rest a while, hush child,
Dont go just yet

OH! This was amazing and I enjoyed it immensely. I can sense the feelings in this and I can relate. Sometimes we are forced to grow up too fast and the child within us, cowers and hides, needing so much. Wonderful piece and made me think.

[Vincent Weathers]

Excellent self-reflection.
It certainly seems that for a writer of a sort, there was a tragic or a conflict in growing up.
It seems this way in your poem, because I felt as if this child suffered from something in the past.

Eyes clutch no ray of hope
Trespass, little light steps,
As you dissolve, decompose,
Falling on bleeding feet
Through chasms chained in sorrow,
Whipped into frenzy by those
Who standby suffocating you,

A divorce works in a similar way to a child and its turbulence would be the thing that would tear the person apart. Your descriptions are good, as they always are, and it does seem that you haven't fallen short from your goals either.
Good job.