Fatherland

Miss you all ~ currently doing an open university course, and this was one of my submissions, very chuffed I got a first :)

Fatherland   

 

He stands in grand swish of splendid silk suits,

curls of ghostly cigar smoke climb idly,  

belching out from below, perhaps an aftermath

of when he dined with the devil on fish and

chips, debating world politics, war, peace,

the raging heat, the damn price of rising petrol,   

 to ranting about rebels ruining their heads, playing

Russian roulette with drugs and mounting debts,  

drinking Fosters label instead of flat lemonade, hell -

such a disgrace, as he strokes fine grey’s sprouting

from his ears, singing to his sharpened samurai

blade within, as we cling to edge careful not to cut

tender flesh, careful - for if not that, then tongue

of large proportions would lick and lash,

jerking fine hairs among speckled freckles up

to face flexing cane between fidgeting thumbs,

laughing so loud the carpet cringed,

concealing itself pitifully in silly patterns,

so we could count swirls in colours, pretend

rivers were racing to anywhere else,

but here. Not here. For here is like hell,

nowhere, but everywhere, majestic in its fear,

and so far down, that’s what Daddy said,

so far down, if he chucked us we’d crash land

into the hideous lair of the devils house.

               

Reviews

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

I had half a mind to know that you had written this. And it was slip-shot more so than works I prefer, but contemporary as I am not, I decided to realize that the writing was darn good anyways.

It had that scorpio death-defying realism, you know! And I'm a sucker for a bit of darkness on a monday night. Well done, I guess it's all to say that it did delight me.

[Bubo]

Thank you x

[SHEEMA HUQ]

some disturbed evocations, over all very intriguing, well done Bubo

[Gandré]

You learnt a lot.. These abstractions were precious. Thanks for leaving me a note on my profile. Hope everything is fine. Great idea to challenge your talent and to do the open university writing course :) All the best!

[Siliousneo]

well written keep up the good work and hope to see more soon

[Sarah D]

Amazing

[Marc Mccune]

this piece gives a concise snapshot in work and thought. I felt I read that little pamphlet called Daddy, turned a few pages and gotten a slight insight of that person's visage and ego. You do write with preciseness and an economy of words. Well written.

[Lee wilkinson]

very evocative writing and striking imagery.

[Pax]

just wow...brilliant.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

That was..something beyond my comprehension. It is not poetry, it is life - woven in words. I can't describe it - you have left me inarticulate with it!

[Dezaraye]

Your words are always so vivid and clear. As always, you write with precision. Beautiful job. :-)

[Roy]

Reading your work after a long time. I often wonder how one manages to come up with so vivid a picture. Respect!