Fatherland

Miss you all ~ currently doing an open university course, and this was one of my submissions, very chuffed I got a first :)

Fatherland   

 

He stands in grand swish of splendid silk suits,

curls of ghostly cigar smoke climb idly,  

belching out from below, perhaps an aftermath

of when he dined with the devil on fish and

chips, debating world politics, war, peace,

the raging heat, the damn price of rising petrol,   

 to ranting about rebels ruining their heads, playing

Russian roulette with drugs and mounting debts,  

drinking Fosters label instead of flat lemonade, hell -

such a disgrace, as he strokes fine grey’s sprouting

from his ears, singing to his sharpened samurai

blade within, as we cling to edge careful not to cut

tender flesh, careful - for if not that, then tongue

of large proportions would lick and lash,

jerking fine hairs among speckled freckles up

to face flexing cane between fidgeting thumbs,

laughing so loud the carpet cringed,

concealing itself pitifully in silly patterns,

so we could count swirls in colours, pretend

rivers were racing to anywhere else,

but here. Not here. For here is like hell,

nowhere, but everywhere, majestic in its fear,

and so far down, that’s what Daddy said,

so far down, if he chucked us we’d crash land

into the hideous lair of the devils house.

               

Reviews

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

I had half a mind to know that you had written this. And it was slip-shot more so than works I prefer, but contemporary as I am not, I decided to realize that the writing was darn good anyways.

It had that scorpio death-defying realism, you know! And I'm a sucker for a bit of darkness on a monday night. Well done, I guess it's all to say that it did delight me.

[Bubo]

Thank you x

[closed..acct]

Very interesting and intriguing I must say.
Deep. loved the pictured you used with this as well.
Enjoyed what I read. Awesome!

[Tabitha t]

incredable and confusing at the same time

[Emma Joy]

I want to blaspheme but can't, Deni.. the horror of the ending- as i see it, is evil. A man so full of arrogance is nothing more than a vicious devil, an innocent's physical and mental assassin.

'.. then tongue
of large proportions would lick and lash,
jerking fine hairs among speckled freckles up
to face flexing cane between fidgeting thumbs,
laughing so loud the carpet cringed,
concealing itself pitifully in silly patterns,
so we could count swirls in colours, pretend
rivers were racing to anywhere else,
but here. Not here. For here is like hell..'

You've always written brilliantly about the worst of life and beautifully about the best, here you just encapsulate all the skills a writer can have. Wonderfully terrible.

[angelink]

This is one of the most unique poems I have ever had the immense pleasure of reading :)
100

[Alicia Schroeder]

Creepy vibes.. Great write :)

[quinfinn]

splendid! lost for words.....still collating .....

[Ed Hart]

you said it first with the picture, the spelled it out, as you do so well

[Raef C. Boylan]

Deserved a god grade, well done :)

[dontwakeme]

I don't know which is more amazing, the picture or the poem. Wow, just wow.

[Misty]

This is very good! I loved...
"laughing so loud the carpet cringed,
concealing itself pitifully in silly patterns,
so we could count swirls in colours, pretend
rivers were racing to anywhere else,
but here. Not here."
I am reading this as a father's view of the state of things from the child's perspective. Really great story and a cautionary tale to parents I think! Doesn't every generation think this is all going to hell in a hand basket? Can't we hand our children a better story than this? Just my thoughts. A provoking piece.