Hypnotize You

Random

I want to hypnotize you,

To tell you the truth,

To tell you the lie,

I want to see the real you.

 

They don’t understand,

What’s really there,

What’s really seen,

You open there eyes.

 

You say hello every day,

You’re friendly,

So kind,

You’re not where you belong.

 

Such a foreigner,

Fighting for land,

For peace of mind,

For the right to love you.

Reviews

[etxcp]

This is so amazing! I can tell that you really used some effert! Write On!

[bluessadmood]

this is so sweet romantic and dreamy..
want to put you to sleep ,to ally your anxieties
want you to dream ,and dream aloud so i could hear you
dont hide everything away,share with me,i could feel things
things hidden and sweet behind those words and thoughts
share with me the friendliness ,so kind,so bright,the vision
that lies far behind those walls you put around you,stop the fight
to stay away,share with me ,the peace of mind you are always looking for and could never find........how i loved this ,such sweetness and potential ,deep vision i could see
lovely write..

[Mehul Rwat]

Hey! you have really got nice ideas. I like poetry and this type of poetry make me like it even more!!

[DivineCreation]

I really like this!

[EricGodsil]

S:2 l:4 there, did you mean their? Other than that technicality I think this was an interesting piece. Nothing particular I can point out about it as it leaves me a little confused. I think it is just how I am reading it though. I am not sure rather you is referring to the narrator, me, or a love...?

[Sarah]

very good. keep writing

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Real Hypnotism an eye opener...

[EMF]

I would agree that this is probably your best poem, but it stand well as it is. I liked it a a lot

[Brenden Moran]

Probably one of your best one's yet. I enjoyed it. Few things: second stanza, fourth line, it's "their", not "there". Plus your third stanza needs to be redone, it lacks the finesse of the other three stanza surrounding it. Overall, great(could be greater with some work with the third stanza) the ambiguity and glue that sticks it all together in the perfect way just seals the deal with the mood you have created here. Good Job.

[Marie Harrison]

Very interesting poem.
I like it!