Can't Say Goodbye

And for some reason I waste sleep over the fact that I can’t stop thinking about it. Never had I thought that this day would come.They just won’t stop. No matter how hard I try to forget

They just won’t stop. No matter how hard I try, they just continue to haunt me. My ever fiber, every thread that consists of my body and mind is taken by it. And for some reason I waste sleep over the fact that I can’t stop thinking about it. Never had I thought that this day would come.

My feet are numb walking out barefoot on the sidewalk, the cold rain pelting me. But that is the least of my worries. I’ve been walking the city for hours now, and yet, I get nowhere but soaked. I might show up back home with a cold, but may I say again, I really don’t care and it’s the least of my worries.

I rub at my face as I near a bench, and glance behind it. Bella’s house stands tall, half empty as she sits on a chair to the sidewalk front of her house. Her blonde hair is down, as always, as well as her head which hangs. Her shoulders are hunched, and her arms are tucked inward to her body.

I force my stubborn, sore legs to her sidewalk and take slow uneven breaths as I take steps forward. I notice the wet boxes around her, and an umbrella beside her side that doesn’t even look used. She doesn’t even notice me as I near her.

I stop beside her, calming my breaths. My legs want to run away, my heart wants to scream. I want to look at the sky and scream at whoever is in charge of life and blame them for her leaving. And so soon.

 “Bella.” I lay a hand on her shoulder.

She jumps slightly, and looks up at me. Her eyes are swollen and red. My heart cracks a little at the sight of her pathetic state. I want to hold her. Want to whisper to her that I will always be here for when she gets back. Want to tell her the world won’t shatter and break into two just because she’s moving.

“Jamie.” She smiles, and I can tell it’s forced. Her beautiful blue eyes search my face. “Why are you out here in the rain?”

I smirk. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

She chuckles slightly and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, revealing the necklace I gave her a year ago, around her neck. She follows my eyes and picks the necklace--with a piece of metal and a symbol of Toshiro from Bleach--up in between two fingers, twirling it around in her palm.

“I remember when you gave this to me.” She murmurs.

“A good memory to look back on, y’know when you’re gone.” I slap my mouth with my hand to wish that I didn’t say that last part.

She raises a brow and looks back at me. “It’s alright, Jamie. I’m trying to forget the fear I have of moving. So far I’m doing pretty well.” A lie.

I take her face. “That makes two of us. We had some good times though, and you’ll be here to visit. Where did you say you were moving to again?” I sit on one of the boxes, feeling it cave in under my butt. “Oops, sorry.”

She shrugs. “It’s ok. That was just my stuff animal box. They’ll be alright.” She sighs and glances at something else on the street, a passing car or the bench. “St. George. I’ll be staying with my mother’s friend.”

“Oh. That’s three hours away huh?” I eye her.

She hangs her head again. “Yeah.”

I frown at her body language. “Ah, come now. It’s not that far. Heck when I get my permit, and then license, I can get my sexy little black truck and drive out to you. And maybe come down for my birthday. ‘Member? You said you’d get me my favorite manga books for it.”

“Mari and Akko, right?” She finally raises her head, eyes meet mine.

“Yeah, that one.” I smile. “And yours is Fairy Tail if I do remember right.”

She smiles this time. “Yep, Happy is so great. Plus, it’s hilarious to read.”

“Remember when you showed a picture to me when the two guys are sitting there with the amazing faces in shock and it’s about when they got there the train blew up?” I grin at the memory.

“Yeah, I still have that on my computer.” She frowns again. “Well I did.”

“No, no. Bad Bella. No thinking negative.” I tsk her. “How’s Levi?”

“Annoying as always.” She smirks. “Aren’t all brothers?”

 I open my mouth to laugh and reply, but her mother comes out.

“Bella?! You haven’t put anything in the van.” She sighs and picks up a box, then notices me. “Oh, well hello Jamie.”

“Hello, Mom.” I smile, knowing she would smile as well. Bella and I were so close and blonde that even all the kids asked if we were twins. After all, we were always together.

If Bella was talking to Alex or maybe Kaylee, then I’d hold onto her backpack and pretend she was my guide so I wouldn’t interrupt their conversation, knowing they’d call me up if I was to talk too.

We’d usually hang out at the library, and read the latest manga with our friends Jesse and Wyatt. And even the librarian would hang out with us. We’d have Anime Club hosted in there all the time during lunch. We get a fifty minute lunch and it only takes Bella and me twenty minutes to eat. So, we usually hang out there with Alex, Wyatt, Jesse, Jane, Tanya, and Dakota.

Those were the days. And perhaps I will have more. After all, I’ve made a new friend during school. Her names Morgan, and as well. And I could always hang out with Shauna and Shania, not to mention Kiya. There were always possibilities to be happy. I just had to pick them.

“Jamie.” Bella calls.

I look up at her blue eyes. “Yes, Bella?” She always knew I had a slight feel for her, but always refused with a no. Broke my heart twice, but if the cost was only to be friends with her, in order to stay close with her, I’d always choose that option.

“You have my cell number right?” She bends down to get her umbrella.

“Right here.” I pull my soaked phone from my pocket. “Good thing mom has the battery.”

“What did you do this time to lose it?” Bella smiles that pretty smile.

Her umbrella covers us both as I snuggle under it. “Let’s just say I shaved the cat.”

“Jamie!” She chuckles. “When will you learn?”

I rest my head on her shoulder. “I’m not sure, Bella. I guess…never.”

We both sigh and stare out.

I will miss you terribly. And yet I cannot put it into words without piercing you any further. Your heart rests here. With me. And yet, I need to let you go. Out and about. Explore a world far much larger than here. You have much more opportunities than anyone to go out there and give it your best. I can’t always have you.

I slip my hand in hers. “Bella?”

“Yes, Jamie?” She asks with eyes closed.

I hesitate. “Never mind.”

“Alright.” She pulls her hand away slowly. “Sorry. Your hands really hot, it’s making our palms sweat.”

I blush to myself and force myself to lie on the concrete. “It’s alright.” The drops fall upon my face. “Everything is just peachy.”

I love you Bella.

And I will truly miss you…

But I don’t want to let you know, that even with you here, nothing is ever right. Because I knew this day would come. The day I had to come and witness your leave. The day you stare at the window with the same dull expression as mine and wave sadly at me as you get smaller and smaller in your vehicle.

“We need to go, Bella. Get in the car.” Her mother shuts the back of the van and distracts my thoughts.

I sit up, and watch as Bella arises out of her seat. She gives me a glance, and the drops leaving her face is not the rain. I leap at her, and she drops the umbrella to embrace me in a hug. I squeeze her to me, and bury my face in her shoulder.

“You be good, Jamie.” She teases.

“Don’t forget about me, Bella.” I whisper.

We finally detach when her mother takes her shoulder and guides her towards the car. I pitifully wave at her as she enters and see as she rolls down the window, waving back. She sticks her head out the window and looks at me as her mom starts the van.

“I love you, Jamie!” She shouts.

Her words sink into me and I smile under the tears and rain. “I love you too, Bella!”

She smiles and waves at me till the car moves forward and too soon she become a dot as she drives further and further out. I turn to leave, keeping my eyes on her for a final moment. And that is when I halt half way to the street to go home.

My eyes catch her blonde hair as she comes closer and closer to me. And I see the smile on her face as she tackles me down into the grass, holding me. I hug her back and smile one last time. She cries into my neck as we hug and I want to as well, but can’t. She’s hanging by nothing but a string.

“I will call you when I get there. No matter how late. No matter how tired I am.” She promises. “I’m going to miss you, Jamie.”

“You too, Bella.” I hold her tighter for a moment. “But your mother’s going to be mad, you better go.”

“I-I don’t care.” She laughs, hovering over me. “She just needs to chill.”

Her beautiful blue eyes sparkle and there’s a laugh behind it, filled with happiness and a little spark of concern.

“I will stay up all night for your call.” I smile.

She wipes the tears from my face and I do the same to her. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Jamie?”

“Yes, Bella?”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Bella.”

Author's Note

This is a half true story. All the characters are real. Though I've substituted some to hide their real identity. But I'm Jamie, and my best friend is Bella. The others are real too and this WAS the stuff we did together...

Reviews

[TheSweet]

Cute story, it's a personal snapshot of a moment, making it ideal for a short story. Seeing as it's only half true though, I think it could be embellished further to romanticise and make it a little more exciting, because while it is nice, it is fairly cliché and there is no real development in the story - making it drag for an outsiders perspective.

If you were to keep this piece as simplistic as it is, I think it'd then be important the jumple up your phrases to add a more whimsical vocabulary, giving over-romanticised descriptions and beautiful metaphors - It just give the story some spice.

Because the personal aspect, and the fact that it's based on a true story only really means anything to you and those who know it. But it was nice, and there were few mistakes - it was a clear and simple, down to earth read. Thanks for sharing.

[Kuro]

Awwww i sowi. I Promise. i'll visit every chance i get ^_^ and i'll ALWAYS ware my toshi neckless. OH!! and i'll call u every night and c how life is. tee hee LOVE U ALWAYS SIS!!

[Dark Angel ~]

Awww :'(
It's tough to make me cry, but you got me pretty close... :)