Tremble

Tremble

 

The sky is blue, the sun is yellow and the grass is green. Ellis Walker thought, feeling the pressure of the words smash and thud against her mind monotonously�" a blunt, rusted hammer that had spent too much time in the rain. She repeated this continuously to draw herself back into humanity and sanity. Everything was trembling but Ellis didn’t want to know what sanity tasted like again.

 

A gleam of light filtered through the cupboard door blinding Ellis’s squinting eyes. Her startled blue eyes caught the flickering brightness and squeezed shut instantly, making the back of her eyes ache. Mumbled sounds of hushed whispers and careful footsteps flooded her ears, boiling the panic within her. They were here to help her, she knew that, but she couldn’t move. Her muscles froze but her nerves were alive. She shook with the earth. Her mother had always reassured her in sweet, soothing tones that, “as long as you scream your lungs raw for help, help would arrive quickly.” This was the first time Ellis couldn’t find her voice.

 

In the Walker household it had become a religious routine to practice the “what ifs” and the “dos and don’ts,” just in case the all too familiar Aotearoa earthquake knocked proudly on their door, sporting a sinister grin. “Remember, as long as you find shelter, call for help and stick to the plan, we will find each other again,” Ellis’s mother had once assured her.

It was too late. The footsteps had faded and the voices had drifted�" the only source of help had vanished.

 

Ellis had found shelter. Ellis couldn’t call for help. Ellis would not find her family. The haunting thoughts strained her mind, digging and digging until they had nestled in securely, refusing to budge. The sky is blue, the sun is yellow and the grass is green. Ellis’s body curled into a ball. Her arms enveloped around her body like an itchy blanket�" something that should have brought comfort simply did not. Tears prickled her skin. Her coal-like hair hung over her face bleakly, masking her fair, freckled skin. The cupboard walls felt as if they were enclosing with every ragged breath.

 

Ellis’s mind refused to waver from her family�" it was a magnetic force. She imagined her eight-year-old brother wailing and her mother’s strong stance stalling and her father’s façade fading. A stream of venomous visions leaked into her mind. She envisioned her loved ones trapped beneath battered bricks and worn walls. A blood-curdling scream pierced her ears; so intense and so real. She didn’t know if it was her voice, but her throat felt rasp enough that it could have been. It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, she shrieked mentally, fear strangled her vocal chords and grasped tightly. Her knuckles were stained white from the tightening grip around her shivering shins. The hurt burrowed through her airways and pounded at the back of her throat.

 

A slight tremor shook beneath her feet and Ellis heard the furniture CRASH and BANG with ferocity. With a frenetic jolt, her figure knocked the cupboard walls. A cloth of dust fell from the shelf above her, coating her tongue like a fury fleece. Her diaphragm contracted and her itching throat rejected the dust with an aching force. Her breathing became hitched; quick gasps influencing her heartbeat to THUMP at a rapid rate. A bubble of panic burst in Ellis’s throat as she struggled to swallow it�" she had never hated feeling so much. It was a vicious monster created from fear.

 

With wobbly knees and weak muscles, Ellis shakily rose off of the dust-smeared ground. The sky is blue, the sun is yellow and the grass is green. She straightened her back upright. She needed to escape. A spontaneous flash of courage and a flicker of bravery guarded her like insect repellent. It was a radiance of false hope and pure determination mixed with a sprinkling of dauntlessness. Her body was a vessel of power. With a soft movement that was laced with prickling fear, Ellis opened the cupboard and peered cautiously around the corner to inspect the damage that the reckoning force, Mother Nature, had left behind.

 

Everything was calm. Eeriness drifted around Ellis’s body, wrapping her like a ripping tornado. Everything was strewn everywhere like an unpacked suitcase. The dining chairs had fallen on their backs, the walls were caved in as if they no longer wanted to be outside in the darkness and the ceiling was falling through as if it had spent too much time off of the ground. She stifled a sob, struggling to breathe through the emotion. With a cautious step outside of her safe haven, Ellis treaded lightly as she crept toward the front door.

 

Her surroundings turned into a blaring white noise. A wave of terror enveloped her. She couldn’t move. Her muscles became stiff like creaking metal joints that craved oil. A bundle of dread resided in the pit of her stomach and refused to untangle. Her family… she needed to find her family. The ground rumbled; it was a hungry beast. A deafening SMASH and BANG whipped through her sensitive ears. It was all too much. The sky is green, the sun is blue and the grass is yellow, she mentally repeated. With the buckle of her knees, her body collapsed limply on the ground as if she was a puppet with her strings cut; the puppeteer was her bravery and now she was controlled by an unbearable anxiety. The angst ripped through her veins and shredded her stomach into slivers. She couldn’t process anything, her mind was scattered. THE SKY IS YELLOW, THE SUN IS GREEN AND THE GRASS IS BLUE! Frantically scrambling her arms and legs in different motions, she tried to grip onto something, anything, to no avail. The ground shook beneath her vibrating legs as she attempted to stand strongly once again. Her mind was dizzy and everything was moving.

 

Her knees locked into place as she towered upright over the wrecked objects. One step at a time, she thought. Her movements soon followed�" slowly, but surely. Ellis stumbled across the wrecked dining room, forcing her distracted eye on the door and ignoring the way layers of plaster and paint fell on her frail body like snow.

 

She had never before noticed how the metal pierced her hand or how the rough wood pricked at her fingertips. She was now aware of everything, with her senses heightened, particularly the way the door had felt beneath her trembling skin. She was surprised the door was still attached to its rusted hinges. She wasn’t going to risk escaping through the ruins of the ceilings and walls. The door was safe; she had been through it countless times before. Ellis gasped. The air outside was thick and muggy, but it beat inhaling the dust within the battered building. A rush of adrenaline surged through her body like a jolt of lightening. She had never seen anything so clear before. She saw the earthquake support team. The figures were vivid. The sky is blue, the sun is yellow and the grass is green.