Newbie, Noxbie

Mary, a regular girl, falls off her bike, gets chosen by the goddess Nox, and is brought to the Delaware State's Nocturnal Home, where she'll learn to be a Daughter of Nox and gets the name 'Noxia.'

I was on my way, riding my bike to Killens Pond State Park for a little relaxation �" yet another recent argument with my stupid dad. I was grumbling numerous times until…Suddenly, I hit a rock and went flying off my B.

 

 Suddenly, I saw blackness, then some kind of dark black midnight canyon, and a goddess appeared with breast-length straight (OK, slightly wavy, but only in the slightest) hair that I called “Prussian Blue” in color. She was average height and had a long dress, seemingly made of black flowing seaweed. But it was so long and put together, structured. It had to be made of fabric or something! She also had a black bag.

“Step into this Circle,” she said, opening a blue-psychic-energy circle to me. I gasped. What the heck was going on? “And become mine.”

 

What the heck do you mean by yours? Some sea-witch lady? Never!

 

“Belong to the Delaware State’s Nocturnal Home. You are now a Child of the Night, and I am Nox, the Goddess of the Night. You are now belonging to the Nocturnal Home!”

The nocturnal what the-?

 

I don’t want to, I wanted to say, but couldn’t, didn’t dare. “Please don’t make me have to go to the Nocturnal Home. Do I have to, Mother-I mean, Nox?”

“You were right calling me Mother, which is what everybody at the Nocturnal Home calls me,” Nox replied gently. “They call their mortal female parent simply her real name, but I am their true Mother. That is why your brothers and sisters are the students there.”
“I don’t want to be your Daughter!” I snapped. “Nox, why can’t you just leave me alone? You’re so, so unfair! You’re…you’re maybe even demonic. I’ll exorcise you, I swear! I’ll get the Church…I’ll get Mom!”
“You can’t choose to be what you were born being, and you can't change back once you're that,” Nox replied. “You are a gifted, special Child of mine. Possibly the best Daughter I have ever had, but do not tell the other students, who are always competing for my favor and everlasting love. Thank you, Noxia Twilight.”
“My name’s Mary!” I snapped. “It most certainly isn’t ‘Noxia Twilight.’ Don’t you call me that, you stupid she-demon!” I wanted to pound this so-called evil goddess.
“Whatever you say, Noxia, my lovely Daughter,” said Nox. “You had better go and get packed, for you are going to the Nocturnal Home, where you belong. And you had better tell your parents that you are mine now.” She smiled calmly and suddenly, a black Moon symbol appeared on my forehead. “It will turn full when you turn full.”
“Why haven’t I heard of you, Nox?”
“Everybody leaves out the Goddess of the Dark, which is why Christians have Jesus, God, and the Great Spirit but no fourth deity. Because the fourth face of the Goddess, the darker face is ignored.” Nox glowered as if hurt by the fact.
“What’s the fourth face of the Goddess?”
“There are three known faces, which are Maiden, Mother, and Crone. These are inside of you, as well,” Nox began. “You can be playful and good-hearted like the Maiden, caring and guiding like the Mother, and wise like the Crone. But notice your darker side, which is sacred too? That is your Fourth Face, long-forgotten.”
“And so, why’d Christianity have just three deities again? I stopped you there.”
“Quite rudely, too,” Nox snapped. “The Fourth Face of the Goddess is the darker face of the goddess. Maiden, Mother, and Crone are all good, friendly, and the Fourth Face is the side of nighttime, the beauty in the storm. Do you see, Noxia?”
“And Christianity doesn’t like the dark side, so they only have three deities and not four, which are the Child of Good, Jesus, the Father, God, and the Grandfather, the Great Spirit. I get it!”
“Me being a dark Goddess, I am ignored, barely mentioned, and avoided. But I am, in truth, benevolent. I am a good-dark deity, which means that I am good-hearted even though I am not a sunshine, smiley, fluffy bunny Goddess.” Nox sighed. “Why do they disrespect my, their, Fourth Side?”
“Um, what’s the big black bag for?”
“Here, have these.” Nox handed me the black bag, and when I peeked inside, I saw a knife that made me shiver. “And see this Chalice?” She showed me a black goblet that was jeweled with moonstones.
“Why just one type of gem - moonstone? Boring.”
“Have respect,” Nox replied, putting the Chalice back inside. “Remember, you are my Mortal Goddess, my favored Daughter. Act like it.”
“And what’s the star in the circle?”
“Yes, that is called a Pentacle,” Nox replied. “I am glad you are curious about it. There is also a tiny handled cauldron - everything inside is black - as well as four candles, five stones, a statue of me, a bowl, and an altar bell.”
“Wow, um, thanks, Nox,” I replied. “I mean, thanks, Mother. Hey, there’s a lot of feathers and crystals inside. And also, what’s that big pointy thing in there?” It was a sturdy black stick with a big, shiny moonstone attached to it.
“That is your Wand, where you draw in the Five Elements,” she replied. “Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit. Also, I will not bring out the five black stones for they may get lost. Now come into the Circle. Everything you need is at the Nocturnal Home.” The stones? They had symbols representing the Element they resembled.  Nox handed me a hefty, old-looking black book with a pentacle on it.
“This is the Book of Shadows of your ancestor, High Priestess, and Queen Chlotsuintha,” Nox explained. “Remember, twelve twenty-five A.M., October sixteenth! The night of the Full Moon!” With that, I went in the Circle…
And landed beside a brunette, tall woman. “I am the High Priestess of the Nocturnal Home - Morgana Raindrop is my name. I welcome you - oh, you have the Black Moon! This means you are the Maiden Mortal Goddess of Nox! One day, you shall be the Mother, then the Crone Mortal Goddess of Nox. But are you the true Daughter?”
“Um, yeah.” I put down my black bag. “And this is my bag of magical stuff. So, um, what do we do here?”
“We’re Cultans, which means we believe in Cultanism or Culta, take your pick,” replied the High Priestess happily. “Don’t you know what Culta is? Do you know the Cultan Rede?”
“N-no.”
“Abide the Cultan Law we wish, so your life is smooth and it does not swish. Let white and black faiths live, to yourself take, compromise, and give. Three or eight times, dance around a sacred Circle, to keep evil spirits to their outside world bound. To let the spell go well with the world,
have words rhyme, and it will fly up to Goddess like a grand bird! Be one of the great elements. Look for Spirit deep Within, fly like air, with no limits. Be like fire, strong, fast, and with it. Be insightful like water, when needed at times. Be as magickal as Earth, for it is time. House Spirit,
like Within, be Above, be Below, the Deity’s friend. And special words you must always be, ‘A deity of your own, with one inner eye that truly can see!’”
“What? That’s the Cultan Rede? So, so weird.”
“That refers to the Third Eye, the part of the ‘one inner eye,’” the High Priestess said simply as if she were saying that donkey was the Democratic symbol. “Um, so, basically, we’re saying ‘Be a deity of your own, with one inner eye that can truly see.’ Now, go to your dorm room. You’ll see a sheet of paper, do as it says with your Pentacle.”
**
I set a dish of fresh rain-water on the windowsill or outside so that the light of the moon falls on it.  
I dropped the moonstone the Home provided into the bowl and chanted, “I bless this water by the light of Nox’s Moon. Make it pure, make it clean, make it blessed.”
Then I dipped the tip of the feather (also provided) into the bowl and shook it lightly over the Pentacle while saying, “I bless this Pentacle by the light of the moon. Make it pure, make it clean, make it blessed.”
Then I looked through the sheet of classes and found that everything lasted about ten or fifteen minutes. Nothing was boring, fancy, or long like it was in the regular world. And I got to get away from my emotional abuser of a “dad”! I’d be happy to address him as ‘Shawn’ from now on!
6:30 - Breakfast
7:00 - Goddesses & Gods
7:10 - Spells & Potions
7:20 - Cultan Word of the Day
7:30 - Daily Book Report
7:40 - History
7:55 - Book of the Week Announcement
8:00 - Lunch
11:00 - Dinner.
"And now, it being daytime," I thought suddenly, "it's only fair that I get some sleep. Obviously we're quite nocturnal here? Guess that's why we call it the 'Nocturnal Home,' not the 'Diurnal But Nox-Respecting Home.'"

Author's Note

Proofread by Grammarly.
Copyright 2016 by Celeste Lucy Zaveri.

Reviews

[S. von Glaubitz]

The premise of this story is a lot of fun. The whole call-to-a-magical-destiny story done with a light comedic touch. Mary is witty and has a lot of potential to be an enjoyable and relatable character and narrator. "And this is my bag of magical stuff." Funny and great characterization.

I think there's potential for the comedy and the characterization to shine a little more, though, by cleaning up and/or elaborating on some of what's around it.

For example, I don't think there's anything wrong with setting the stage a little more. Why was Mary going to Killens Pond State Park? How was she feeling? Later, when she meets Morgana, where are they? What is the school like? Is it in some alternate dimension? Even down to is she inside or outside? There's very little detail.

You could also add more emotional detail. Mary shows very little in the way of reaction when Nox appears. (Mentioning Nox in the second paragraph, by the way, is a little confusing. It made me think she already knew Nox, but it becomes clear later that this is Mary's first time hearing about her at all.) She has no reaction to the change in her own appearance, to the point that I forgot about it before re-reading. Despite some outbursts at Nox, she seems ok enough with the whole situation to talk history and religion.

Overall I would say you could take the pacing way down. I'd like to see her have that talk with her parents that Nox mentions, find her way to the dorm, and I’d like to know what's going through her head when she casts her first spell with the dish of rainwater.

I'd like to keep reading to see where you go with this!