White Diamonds

White diamonds dance upon my neck

In the place where lovers fall

My heartbeats tune to the discotheque

And my feet prance where others might crawl

Do you want to meet me

And join me for a dance

Do you want to meet me

The weather forecast says romance

Yes, rain sometimes is unpredictable

But I'd still kiss you in the midst

White diamonds are invincible

In memories I predict

Reviews

[Ana B.]

This is beautiful. Melancholy and diamonds, damn, overwhelming bittersweetness. Lovely done :)

[Najam Us Saher]

Creative, you surprised me by this poem. Liked the usage of diamonds here.

[emipoemi]

Short, sweet, and powerful! Three key factors that really resonate in poetry. I'm debating whether a couple of lines could use a musicality tweak, but I do hear passable or perfection on the odd times that I read them, so I'm just going to shut up, and give you a high score, for this fantastic! Well done!

[lostnstars]

I like this writing a lot, I don't know why but while I was reading it, I was humming tunes to it haha it could possibly turn into a song or an interlude. But nevertheless, i like how you put such a wonderful piece and message in a short poem.

Please keep on writing, you're amazing! x
-lostnstars

[Tony Jordan]

I think the word 'discotheque' removes any timelessness - dating the poem prematurely.
Some lines feel unresolved - unlike the diamonds of the title which would be exquisitely crafted one imagines.
I think 'midst' might be substituted with 'mist' given that their is a sub-metaphor/theme of weather at play.
The kernel of a good poem certainly exists here.

[Alessander]

This is probably a dorky poet thing, but absolutely love the neck/discotheque rhyme.

Original

"But I'd still kiss you in the midst/White diamonds are invincible"

Like the imagery and metaphor of love being steadfast and perhaps eternal - or durable as a diamond - precious, etc

Two small quips.

One, don't think you need the word "might" in "Might crawl"

Two, maybe separate this poem into quatrains?

Just a thought.

This is somewhat lighthearted but has a good vibe to it and pulses beneath the surface.

[Ty]

Your last line really stood out. "In memories I predict."