From Within the Grip

How the influence of addiction(demons) eventually led to one tragic night, changing the life of 5 people, including my best friend of 15 years now in prison.

A demon knocks on your door, a demon you will soon know very well

The door left unanswered, nothing but time, for you this demon will wait.

You promised yourself, just enough to quench your curiosity's thirst.

That's all this demon needs, claws dig in deep, this now is a familiar grip.

A battle begins, your soul the prize.  Slowly your moral compass fades

Your spark quickly started to dim, I'm so sorry, I should have known.

Your true self, slowly begging to shatter, brittle, almost broken.

The reflection in the mirror staring back at you, empty, unfamiliar.

You recognize a slight glimpse of yourself, still fighting but fading.

Mind weary from a battle you're unsure if it's worth fighting.

Damage, self-inflicted, cursed by addiction, stuck at square one.

Asked to do something out of character, your demon sees opportunity.

The unthinkable happens, tragedy occurs, a friend lay dead, panic begins.

Penance for all involved, being punished from the sins of others.

Your life now contained, confined  by walls poorly painted.

A mind stuck on a tragic night's replay, a broken record stuck forever repeating.

Tormented, plea's unrequited, untapped potential, being smothered.

Now your demon, cast aside, exiled forever. 

The scars of an emotional battle forever remembered.

As long as it may be, forever it may seem, let's not forget your hell, is a trip that will eventually end.

Author's Note

This was a draft now on a 3rd re-write, its starting to feel as I intended. Im sure many re-writes are to follow. I am concerned with the flow as, to me it seems to flow great and in certain parts the flow is interrupted. If you have any insights on improving the overall flow with out compromising content let e know.

Reviews

[LazerRays]

this is really good!!!! i loved it

[Mr. Lopez]

I'm glad that you mentioned it being a third draft because for me that's what it felt like, a draft. I think that you have more work to do here but what's great about it is that not only is this based on a true story but the story is riveting. It's a solid foundation for a soon to be fabulous piece. I think that in some places you missed the opportunity to use that poetic flair of yours (in places it felt like a report) and in other places you shined. Try breaking the phrasing down and try not to be too literal. Try taking one of your sentences/lines that feels literal and find an artistic way to both shorten said sentence but still say the same thing. You are a super bright guy and I know for a fact that you get what I'm trying to say here. Go ahead and send me read requests as it developers.
But honestly, I think your already on the right track, you just need to refine it.

I still thought it was great.