Rivers & Waterways.... 🦆 🐠 🛶

i'm a greenie & love the untouched environment best of all.

Author's Note

I've been writing this epic poem on & off for months now .....& finally gave birth to it !!
Is it too long do you think ?

Ps. In case someone wants to know, the photo is of the Murray River at Heading's Cliff near Renmark and Paringa, South Australia. click on the photo to enlarge.
photo credit : ILYA GENKIN. WWW.GENKIN.ORG

Reviews

[Verse]

Don’t you cut a thing... I kept thinking, as I was reading through, ah, there. That’s what writing is supposed,to be about. The joy of literature. Not Twitter. Not sound bites. The free rein of storytelling in which the narrator is touching their heart to yours.

I might make a couple of minor suggestions.

L9. compels should be compel
L12 It’s should read Its

But beyond that, I would leave it as is.

I’ve seen the Yarra River, you know, had tea alongside it. I’ve seen that side of the South China Sea and the Tasmanian Sea, with its tiny penguins. Your wildlife is handsome, and uniquely Australian.

Now I’m padding off to bed thinking of Oz. :):)

Night!

[Carola]

having some problems posting.
i will make those amendments you suggested, thank you for reviewing my very long poem.

i must admit i had reservations about removing the 's' from compels at first, 'cos i thought compels with an ’s’ rolled off the tongue easier.

so i re-read the line many times. whilst grammar is not my best attribute, but i think you're right…..
so here’s my thinking of why you suggested it - the word ‘compel’ is an action word belonging more to the plural word ‘days’ preceding it, rather than the singular word ‘water’ which is being acted upon. what do you think, would that be right ?

yes we have some pretty amazing wildlife here, some of it is poisonous too.
you profile doesn’t say what country you are from ?
cheerio carola

[Angeline Lee]

Wow, there is awesome. I think that it is still ok for the length of the poem. I really amazed it

[barleygirl]

(1) Definitely NOT too long! This is a great in-depth dive into all the details & never being a bit repetitive, but evolving your message to mix it up . . . first, overview, then living things, then personalizing to your own locale, then making a statement about your beliefs/caring. This evolution of message is parallel to the way you used a gradient in the background -- brilliant! I would call this poetic prose, since it's more conversational than poetic. But in the middle section where you do living things, this is definitely poetic. This is my favorite part becuz it's such strong SHOW instead of tell. My least favorite part -- the first couple stanzas becuz it feels a little too pedantic, a little bit like a geology professor waxing poetic *wink! wink!* Great to be reading you again! Please never hesitate to guide me to something you want me to read, becuz with 100 read requests, I'm bound to get confused in the coming weeks! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Carola]

thank you so much margie for your expansive explanation. i had never thought about the poem's structure, it kind of just evolved over the months that i wrote it.

i consider myself to be out of kindergarten & into primary school of poetry writing, i sort of just taught myself & learned from other peoples poems.

maybe will think about trying to rephrase the first two stanzas, see if i can manage to change it so it is more personable. actually, i do remember now, those two were the ones that took me the longest time to write without sounding like a teacher.
thank you again margie.

cheerio carola

[barleygirl]

Here's how I get myself out of pedantic mode (still recovering after 30+ years of technical writing) . . . I ask myself: how does this look, how does it feel, how does it smell, how does it taste & sound? This puts me into the real of the sensory out out of the cerebral . . .(you & I both being naturally cerebral!) *smile*

[Samuel Dickens]

The longtime efforts you've put into this clearly shows. Your keen eyes have seen a plethora of goings on in and around these various bodies of water, and now you share it all through inspired, written word. I share your fascination, and spent much of my youth fishing and exploring the many creeks, lakes, ponds and rivers around my obscure little speck on the globe. Later on, I became a sailor and breathed salt air from the Aegean to the South China sea, and everything between. Not that astrology has any validity, but I'm a Pisces. I much enjoyed reading this.

[Carola]

thanks for stopping by to read this epic poem.
not everyone likes these long ones, but just couldn't find where i could cull it down & make it shorter.

[Samuel Dickens]

It's really not that long.

[Chris Shaw]

This is an epic narrative Carola. I can tell you love water and everything in it, as much as I do. You are definitely a lover of nature. This is a feast of descriptive writing, and you took me to many places. You gave me some spectacular imagery. You have enough material in this epic write for at least three poems but the call is yours. Long or shorter, it is the detail that I enjoyed so much. A wonderful read.

Chris

[Carola]

you mean break up the poem ? or write new smaller poems, that thought has never even occurred to me.
generally when i've finished a poem i'm done with that theme & onto another one.
yes i'm a detail person, which at times i think is a curse.... when it comes to painting it's not easy to paint free & loosely, same with writing i like detailed imagery which is probably a bit limiting at times.
i should write more shorter poems, many people don't like reading long ones.
cheerio carola

[Chris Shaw]

Hi Carola, no I didn't mean breaking up this poem. The poem is written. What I meant is that you have sufficient content in one poem for several poems. I like the detail in your work very much.

Chris

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem shared dear Carola. I hope we learn. We share the wind, we share the water and we share the earth. I hope we learn ASAP. Thank you for sharing the powerful and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

[Carola]

thanks for stopping by to read & comment coyote 🙂

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked this poem and you are welcome Carola.