Never Lose Motivation for Living

     The force of the car hitting the water is excruciating. I slammed my head against the door and black out a couple times. I can't concentrate on any one thing and my sense of up and down are screwy.  I breath heavily on the side window, seeing my breath fog up a small circle. Everything outside the car is water, just water. Some how I draw my attention to James, him motionless. I tell my brain to reach for him but I don't move. The last thing I remember before I go under completely is the freezing water filling up James' favorite car.
     I'm still trapped in my body when the lights go out. Blackness covers the screen I've been watching my life through only a couple of minutes. Numbness seeps into my fingers and eventually releases my entire body. Darwin's grip on me loosens and I'm free to float in my own black head. The words echo as I float through the emptiness, I'm sorry. That's the only thing I hold on to. The final words from James before we crashed. It's the only thing defining me currently. Nothing else matters but remembering those words. Two little words connecting me to life and suspending me from death.
     I can't tell what's going on. I'm completely cut off from everything now. For all I know now, I could've drowned already. Swallowed in the freezing river, claimed by the water. I can not tell.
     My mind is still and calm. I take this time to reminisce in the silence. For now, my body has only one occupant, me. Not Darwin, not anybody. Just me, and it feels nice. I relax and remember the two words, I'm sorry. That's the only thing I have to do, and listen to the silence as I go. I'm sorry.

     I must not be dying. Images aren't playing and my life isn't unfolding in front of me. Or maybe I don't get the luxury of seeing that. Or I missed it completely.
I feel a shift in the blackness. Colors start making their appearance and beautiful spirals swim by making the colors mix with each other. They shift from shades of reds and oranges to greens and blues, and then back again. Slowly they agree on a particular scene, one with out equal.
     A beautiful cave opens before me. As I find my legs I sink to the ground in it's aw. I fall at the edge of a sparkling pond taking up most of the cave and stalactites hanging from the sky covering the ceiling. A small hole sheds light down onto the lake and it reflects off it making patterns on the walls of the cave. It doesn't have that creepy feeling that most caves feel like. This one has a calm, cool feel to it. Making me feel totally at ease.
     My breath is caught as my eyes take in every inch of it. I stick my hand in the water and feel the soft sand squish between my fingers. An odd warmth climbs through my palm and enters my veins. It reaches every nook and cranny in my body filling it with a feeling close to James' love when he replaced it with my pain. I'm in shorts and barefooted with only a tank-top for a shirt. I let my toes sink in the sand as I stand up stronger than ever. I feel like myself again. Before any of this craziness happened.
     With done admiring the cave I wonder why I'm here. I could've died and went to heaven, or I was brought here for a reason. I don't dwell on the first thought very long and start searching for a reason. I look around to see if I'm missing anything. There isn't much to cover because it ends here and there isn't a door where I could've came in. The hole at the top of the cave is still there, maybe that's how I got in. The pond sparkles so brightly and looks so inviting. Out of pure desire and in need of a bath I strip down to my underwear and dip a toe in. It's warm like bath water. I step in further until I'm in the center and directly under the light. If it's possible, I would say that the pond rid me of all hurt and pain. I can soak in it for hours on end if I could.
     I hear a click and I look down at my chest. The locket around my neck brakes, the chain sliced in half. I take it and hold it in my hand. Even if I got out of this now, Darwin could never be me again. The water has given my freedom back. I toss the broken necklace to the side of the pond, wanting to be rid of it quickly. This place does heal all wounds. No wonder I was brought here. It's purifying me in more ways than one. I dive down more into the lake not cautious anymore. That person left a long time ago. About over a month now.
     I found that I can easily see under water with the pond water so clear. My breath comes as effortless as if I was on land, so I dive deeper with out the fear of drowning. The water feels good through my hair and powerful under my pulls of my arms and kicks of my legs. It seems like the pond never ends!
     Worry about getting back to the surface doesn't cross my mind, somehow I know the way back no matter how deep I go. The deeper I swim, the calmer I feel. The sureness of getting back is replaced with no need of going back. The surface no longer has anything I need. Fish pop up now. Vibrant in colors and shine in the light from the surface. I can just live here, or die here. Which ever one it may be. My arms loose the motivation to move and I glide through the open water. The level of calmness is over whelming and it expels every thought from my mind. I close my eyes and drift having faith with the water taking me where I need to go. I have no reason to hold on to old memories, recent memories, or thoughts that need remembering. I relinquish my memories willingly and sink into the serenity around me. Forever going on in the sea of calm.

     I'm being pulled back. Something grabs my hand and rushes me towards the surface. The calmness fades quickly the closer I get and terror seizes me. I tug and kick the hold on me to let me stay in my peace, but what ever is dragging me out has other plans. Fish swim away and the water turns murky in color. I begin to plead it to let me stay, but I reach the surface before I can get a full sentence out. I'm thrown up on the sand and get covered head to toe with it. I spit grains of sand and cough up water. I hadn't realized that I couldn't breathe as I did in the beginning, but I still didn't want to leave. The water felt as normal as air.
     I get furious in an instance at what ever pulled my out. Hot, chagrin filled, blood courses threw my veins and I grit my teeth feeling small grains still trapped in between them. I'm on my hands and knees as I regain my normal breath, but short lived. I start shaking in anger. I get up and turn around swiftly, ready to fight the first thing I see. My eyes dart back and forth still looking for a culprit, but no one's there. The lake wasn't even in front of me anymore. All that's left is a lot of sand, with no water.
Rage takes me over and I turn my full body back and forth frantically for the person that pulled me out. They took the lake away so that I can't go back in, like I was planning to. There's no one in here with me and I scream in frustration. I kick the walls, try to climb up the hole to get out, and dig where the lake had been. Each attempt fails and I fall back on the sand. My temper tantrum was a useless waste of my energy.
     I feel empty. The water was nice and soothing that no there's a giant hole where it should be filling in. Memories come flooding back to me that I lost with the water and the words echo back into the cave.

     "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." it never ends. Constantly in around me, begging to be heard.

     The cave speaks to me the words in a never ending song, like a broken record player back home. The same thing over and over again. I look down at my chest to see if the locket returned with the memories, but my chest is still bare. I sigh in relief.
I shiver. My naked body is exposed and covered with sand. A breeze is coming threw the hole and making me cold. I look to where my clothes are from the ground. I stand up, brush off as much sand as I can, and put my shorts and shirt back on. However it does little to warm me and I end up sitting back down again. I yearn for James' warmth beside me like we cuddled when I was almost frozen to death. I huddle against the wall with my knees close to me and pray that I'll some how get out of here.

Reviews

[Berkeley Street Writer]

You;re very good at descriptions. You use just the right amount, not too much nor too little. You're good at building suspense at just the right pace. Over all, excellent writing. The only thing I can see here is that you could use the same format that is used in books. At the beginning of each paragraph indent five spaces. It would make it easier reading and look neater too. This layout would be more inviting to readers as well.

[Rhea752]

whoa way to leave me hanging great job once again