People Say Second is the Best, Liars

A Chapter by Heromen Selena

My first instinct is to curl up into a ball and wait for the pain to pass, but that would only make my cut worse. Blood is still coming down hard and fast and I fear that I have little time left. Though the thought brings me great sadness I think about what I'm going to say to James. What the right thing to say would make his hurt less painful. If he almost lost it when Selena died, then I don't know what he'll do when I'm gone. He needs something to give him permission to move on from me.
But, I can't die here, not now. My marks grew down my shoulder blades just a moment ago. There must be another part to my life. This is not where my life ends. I grab the courage and disregard the sweet words I had thought of. I look to James and then down at the knife. It's at least half way in me, Maybe it only scratch my lung, not penetrate it completely. My hand covers James' pressing down on the wound.

"James." I grab his attention and scared eyes look at me. "Call my uncle. His number should be next to the phone in the kitchen." my voice has crackles from the blood still coating my mouth.
"No, I'm not leaving you. Not for a phone call." he says and shakes his head.
"He took 2 years of medical school. He can save." his eyes sparkle with new found hope. "Make the phone call." I say firmly.

He just runs. I replace my hands where his were. My stomach turns when warm liquid runs over my hands. I hear James mumble some words and run back loudly. He presses down on my hands causing more blood to spill over. He releases his hands at the sight of how much blood I'm loosing. James move to my face and touches my cheek, wet with blood and smears it unintentionally. The smell is every where. It crowds my nostrils and makes me incredibly sick. I wonder if Lilly can smell it and if she's freaking out.

"Selena, I don't think you'll make it." he says raising the pitch of his voice ready to cry.
"I have to. I just felt new marks on my back. There must be something else that I'm meant to do." I say and hold his hand. He quickly places his other hand where mine was.
"Your uncle has to be good." he says and his eyes don't stray from mine.
"Don't worry. Everything will be ok."

I can finally say that truthfully and without uncertainty, because I know deep in my heart that it's true. I can feel it.
Then I remember something, Selena. She comes to me when I need her the most. If she doesn't show up then that must be another sign that this isn't over yet. I wonder if I should tell James about her. After all, him and she were a thing like we are now. On the other hand, this is my gift from her. No one else knows what other Heromens have gotten. Maybe it should be kept secret. Now is not the time to think about that right now though.
I feel myself slipping, but I quickly shake myself awake before I can pass out. I have to last at least until my uncle gets here. That's all. Sometimes when I loose the strength to stay awake, James is always right there beside me, doing everything he can to keep me alive. I love him so much, though I haven't exactly told him that yet. I always thought that it was implied, but now when I'm close to death just after I got out of a hospital, I realize that I haven't even once told him how much he means to me. Not a single a single word of endearment. I frown at this and I feel bad.
Come to think of it, he hasn't said anything either. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way. What if I'm second best to him? Selena's probably his one and only love. I'm just her replacement. I can never be truly his. He'll always be hoping that the old Selena will come back. Jealously comes over me and I feel instantly terrible. I shouldn't be jealous. It's not who I am. The pain of being second best is all that I should feel, not envy for someone who's dead. That's not me.
I have to except that his love isn't mine, and wasn't mine to begin with. He'll always belong to her. Even if I became her, it wouldn't be enough. His feelings are fake whether he realizes it or not, I know in my heart that he doesn't truly love me. It's always been in the back of my head, itching at me but I forced myself not to believe it until now
I close my eyes at the new found pain and something deep inside me makes the knife in my stomach seem like a scratch in comparison. James calls out and slaps my face. I forgot that I can't close my eyes, not yet. I open them but look anywhere that isn't James. My hand trembles from resisting to cry. He mistakes it has me struggling to stay awake and smooths his thumb back and forth across the back of my hand.

"Selena, just hold on for a little bit longer. He's almost here." he says and squeezes my hand tighter.

A lot of me wants for my uncle to come bursting through the door now, but with the pain of being second a little part of me wants to be left to die. Left to be forever less important and over looked. I can't say anything, even if I wanted to I couldn't. Every intake of breath causes me pain and speaking makes it worse.
My uncle finally comes in and rushes to me. He recently shaved his beard and has an expression of shock on his face, but he's seen a lot worse. His poker face is on as he pushes James away with great difficulty. He sticks a need that was in his bag in to me making me drowsy and I don't fight anymore. I know I'm in good hands.

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