Drunk man calling

Funny how we remember faces and places when alcohol open the door to memories.

       Drunk man calling

It is 3 am in the morning. Your beautiful memory appeared in my mind.
I remembered your beautiful face when I'm falling down.
When the night is cold and lonely and the good alcohol is tearing  down walls of safety.
I wished to hear your voice whispering "You are not alone Johnnie. I love you and I will never leave you."

Men who live in limbo find places to hide and find peace.
When old Jack Daniels is your only friend. The torment of gentle touches,
the thousands smiles and kisses shared haunt your life. What is left?

I called sweet Daniela at 4 am. Kind and sweet Daniela answered her phone.
She knows Johnnie had remembered her again. Her gentle voice asked me.
"Was I alright sweetie? You are drinking and thinking of me again. Funny how you can forget
the bad times and remember the good days only."

I whispered to her.'I have forgave you a long time ago but I cannot forget you. I know you can't
stop the tide. You can't stop love from dying. You know I never stopped loving you. There is
no woman like you. I dreams of your blue eyes and the long and deep kisses. You left me with no
place to go but to purgatory of living without you."

Daniela was silence for a few seconds and told me. "We were babies in the game of love. We knew love without walls  and had no safety net. I remember you. You wanted me all through the night and made me feel like I was the only one. We wanted paradise in the mist of confusion. I'm sorry Johnnie. I had to grow-up and I left you standing alone. Do you forgive me?'

I told her. "I have forgiven you often but I can forget you. I didn't know  first love was the last love. I didn't know we ration love and want. If I did. I would have held you tighter. I would of never allowed you to leave my life."

Dear Daniela was crying in faraway Germany. I heard her in her voice sadness. She told me. "Sweet Johnnie, you will be alright. We danced, loved and now the mercy of time. We must forget and move on. You can call me Johnnie. I wish you remembered me when you were not drunk. I remember you. We had a fairytale love. We had locked doors and nights of making love. Now my friend. Go to bed. We do have sweet dreams still. In dreams we never lose. Good night and good bye Johnnie."

I held the phone and listen the silence.  I closed me eyes. I remember beautiful places and faces. When love was forever. I raise my almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels. To you my Daniela, forgiven and not forgotten. Just a scar
that is still bleeding and won''t heal.

  Coyote/John castellenas

      

Author's Note

A new poem. I hope you enjoy.

Reviews

[DIVYA]

This is a very painful read for me. Hit me right in the gut. The one whom I love lives in limbo too and... loves his first love just this way. And he has told me that I am not the first who comes to his mind after a drink but the one who he lost forever because he did not know that the first love was the last love. Loosing someone we love is sad BUT knowing the one whom you love, loves someone else this way is the greatest curse one can bear.

I must have done something terrible in my earlier days to deserve this.

[Coyote Poetry]

Men do forget. After first phone bill. I left her memory behind. It okay to remember people we had loved. It mean we have a heart. The people we love are the one willing to stay with us in good and bad days. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[DIVYA]

Thank you for sharing such an enlightening piece of your life with us. Always grateful.

[A. Amos]

CP this is so honest write, God I was back in my memories. I was so deeply lost while readkng this epic poem, you did marvelous job...

[Coyote Poetry]

This is true for many of us. Good drink make us remember old faces and memories. Thank you for reading and the comment..

[A. Amos]

This one was special, will drink on this one in evening today...you're most welcome my friend

[Deuces]

Wow. As a man who definitely has destroyed some good relationships and favorite vice is Jack Daniels (Single Barrel if I have the extra money, lol), I can relate so much to these tipsy thoughts. So true that we tend to find the heights of love when "babies in the game of love." In the midst of confusion, the most passion exists. This made me think and took me back in my life. Thanks for this. Favorite.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you you reading and the good comment. I drank a few gallons of whiskey to memories. The whiskey didn't help for long. I will return later and read your poetry. I'm a night shift man. Time for sleep.

[Deuces]

Thanks - looking forward to checking out your other pieces as well. Be safe out there.

[icelandicblue]

This was so powerfully sad. I was so moved by these words:

didn't know first love was the last love. I didn't know we ration love and want. If I did. I would have held you tighter. I would of never allowed you to leave my life."

Those are stark realizations and I felt the pain throughout this story of love, loss and longing.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the comment. Just old thoughts. For some reason I remember calling poor woman at 4 am. Needed to be written down.

[Pryde Foltz]

Oh, John with this title I just had to read. Loved the lines below. And I felt your pain and longing. A very personal and expressive write. Wonderful.

Men who live in limbo find places to hide and find peace.
When old Jack Daniels is your only friend. The torment of gentle touches,
the thousands smiles and kisses shared haunt your life. What is left?

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Pryde. A old poem written better. Those phone calls to kind people left us wishing we were wiser in the days of youth.

[Pryde Foltz]

They sure do.

[MsJewel]

Beautiful and bittersweet...a love story that touched my heart. What I appreciate most about your poetry is that I can tell you write it from your heart...there is emotion in your words that feels so real. Thank you for sharing this memory.

:) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

Real stories are the best tales. With 55 years of life. My youth feel like it was fiction. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[An owl on the moon]

Beautiful and bittersweet... a complex journey over time... the longing still there.. the words alive and moving through the blood and alcohol... How you speak of such an aching wish... for then...

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Craig. Old thoughts and old poetry. Old words make old thoughts come alive.

[FlamingPhoenix]

"Just a scar that is bleeding and won't heal"~you say it all in those lines--they say time heals, but I don't believe that--time does not heal the scars in our hearts--we just adapt to the pain--but it never really goes away. Nice work!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right. We just learn to live with the pain. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Lydia Shutter]

Such poignant reminiscing in this one. It is true, when someone drinks just a tad too much, the old ghosts come out to play. If they are the romantic ghosts, there are 4 AM phone calls with begging and pleading and declarations of a love that will last forever. Daniela was sweet to you and told you the truth. Even fairy tales have to end....and they are not always with a "happily ever after". The realization that while you will never forget her, you will never be lovers again had to hit hard the next morning. John, this is so personal...and written beautifully. Lydi**

[Coyote Poetry]

Not so personal anymore. 34 years later. The old thoughts and scars become less painful. Thank you for reading and the comment. Lydia, I appreciate the comment.