Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
A Whisper to the Moon

A Whisper to the Moon

A Poem by Chained Potential

My heart is shouting

I love you

But my head objects

Says it’s too soon
So I step outside

And whisper it to the moon


Head says it’s too early

All in good time

Give her space

Give her room

So here I am instead

Whispering to the moon


Temper enthusiasm

With patience

Head says to heart

Write a little tune

Go outside and

Sing it to the moon


I have these silly rules

The stupid games

We have to play

What a cartoon

I must appear to be

Singing to the moon


But my heart it yearns

For a word, a touch

Emotions ready to burst

Taught like a full balloon

The only release of pressure

Are whispers to the moon


And so I wait

In patient agony

For the time to come

I hope it comes soon

I’ll be showing you this instead

Of whispering it to the moon

© 2014 Chained Potential


Author's Note

Chained Potential
I usually shy away from self imposed rhyming schemes, but I really wanted the subject of the moon to be prominent in this piece so I chose to use rhymes with it for emphasis.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

In the 5th line of the 2nd verse shouldn't it be 'So I 'am' here instead'. Also in the 3rd line of the last verse you repeated 'the' twice.
Other that that, this is a beautifully written piece of work. You have such a great way with words, as you are able to describe your feelings in such a strong and emotional way. I love the writing style, and I do relate to the feelings. Keep writing. Good luck and have a nice day.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Chained Potential

10 Years Ago

Thanks for the help! And the compliment! I mostly write as a way to express emotion since it's somet.. read more



Reviews

I liked it and i liked the unique rhyme scheme. It flowed nicely and it was really a beautiful peice. Keep writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I very much like the refrain you chose. However, some of the stanzas do not carry the energy I expect when reading that refrain over and over. A little punctuation would help the reading of the poem as well. I also recommend that you not shy away from slant rhymes so that you do not run out of rhyming words or feel restricted by your choices.

Posted 9 Years Ago


In the 5th line of the 2nd verse shouldn't it be 'So I 'am' here instead'. Also in the 3rd line of the last verse you repeated 'the' twice.
Other that that, this is a beautifully written piece of work. You have such a great way with words, as you are able to describe your feelings in such a strong and emotional way. I love the writing style, and I do relate to the feelings. Keep writing. Good luck and have a nice day.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Chained Potential

10 Years Ago

Thanks for the help! And the compliment! I mostly write as a way to express emotion since it's somet.. read more
I like how you maintain your own rhyming scheme and you do it while still delivering the story.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Chained Potential

10 Years Ago

It's fun sometimes to have a defined structure. Then it's like solving a puzzle! "how do I say what .. read more
I love the title you gave this poem!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

590 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 18, 2014
Last Updated on March 31, 2014
Tags: Moon, Whisper, Secret, Love

Author

Chained Potential
Chained Potential

Pocatello, ID



About
Just another human trying to make sense of the world, struggling every day to find meaning and purpose. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..