Bright eyes

She was tall with long, dark, almost chocolate coloured hair that hung in loose curls. The curls bounced with rhythm in time with her walk. Her eyes were blue but turned orange in the sun. They were brighter than others, still filled with the innocence and creativity of a child. Her smile was genuine, never forced, but almost always there. She was perfectly figured and stood proud with absolute confidence. There was not a single crack in her foundation and no walls to cut her off from the world. However she was still apart from everything, misplaced, outcast. She was so mysterious. She was undamaged, without a single imperfection. It was unsettling. It was as if life had forgotten to punish her the way it punished us. I was jealous of her, the entire planet was jealous of her. After all, she lived a life that seemed to remove pain from her vocabulary. Don’t we all want to rid our lives of both physical and emotional pain? I know I most certainly do because I am fed up with this torture.

This want turned into a need and a seed was planted, roots began to bury themselves deep in my mind. I wanted a life like hers. Pain is so complicated, it can come from anywhere, even from what seems to be the brightest of days. It will draw itself from the darkness that can never be fully eradicated. When it comes to pain only one thing is for sure; it will feed on your silence, the silence it forces upon you, and it will grow until your silence turns into screams. At this point it is too late to defeat. It has broken you beyond repair and even if numbed, the scars will still remain. No words could ever accurately describe the shadows cast by the agony we deal with every day of our lives and I wanted it to be nothing but a nightmare. I wanted it to be something I could wake up from and never have to go through. I wanted pain to be a figment of my horrid imagination.

While I became fascinated, the world became afraid of her, unable to accept anyone who knew the true meaning of peace but did not lack in intelligence. Was this because it was something we could not obtain or simply because we, as humans, fear the unknown? In today's society peace fades as education increases, as education robs us of our happiness and fills us with stress, anger, reality and most of all a crowded and un-rested mind. It is for this reason that anyone who has injected facts and information into their system, has already begun their descent into an impossible darkness. Only young minds, the ones who have not yet faced reality, know true peace. I wish I could go back in time, back to when life was still finding my weaknesses. I desired to understand how it was possible that this girl could have reality, truth and intelligence as well as endless happiness and a wonderful imagination.

As my curiosity grew I was drawn to her, gravity kept me in close range. Invisible chains bound me to her. I often found that even when I tried to put some space between us, I'd simply take a wrong turn and end up face to face, my eyes locking onto hers. Today though as my eyes locked and my body froze, she began to speak. It was the first time I had heard her voice and much like every other characteristic she possessed, it was perfect, a blessing to experience. A few moments passed, her words drifting through the air, going unprocessed, in through one ear and out the other. It was only when she spoke my name…my full name, my attention turned to what she was saying. The name I had kept a secret now echoed from her lips. The name of an unclean, nobody shattering the silence as I suddenly became nervous and knots tightened in my stomach. Nausea overwhelmed my body, I felt so weak.

It was as if she had access to my thoughts, as if she knew I wanted to run for my life, she said softly, "Let me tell you about the bright eyes". Somehow she knew that I would not be physically able to resist the temptation to know the truth. This did not change the fact that I hated the sound of the words she had spoken just seconds earlier. I felt unworthy to even be acknowledged by her, let alone hear her speak the name that I believed no one knew. It made me feel vulnerable, unable to hide. Shots had been fired and my defences broken. She seemed more powerful than ever before and it made me tremble. I pushed the fear away, pulled my shoulders back and stood up straight, my head held high as listened to her. Something still held me tight to my desire for understanding. I smiled. For a split second I felt at ease. She looked at me one last time before she finished filling me with the knowledge I yearned for. I swore I could see the glow in my eyes in the reflection on hers. She turned quickly, as though she had seen it too, but not as if she was surprised. It seemed almost to hide it from me. The moment passed and then it was gone, no questions were asked. One thing repeated in my mind.

Was I one of them?