Adam and Eve

a poem i wrote in 2 minutes from mind

I run with you through the night

the moonlight gleaming off your skin

my pupils dialate as i meet your gaze

Naked together our bodies sway

against the rock is where we stand

a beautiful apple in hand

our bodies moving together in sync

your body quivers while i'm on my knees

your hands upon my back my legs around your waist

the apple remains in my hand

the call of the night

is the moans and the sighs

from the rock came the water from which we swam

Like adam and eve we commit perfect sin

our bodies entwined the apple has a bite

my hands upon your back

we sink into the night

forever our memories etched into your back

Author's Note

its kinda raw i just let it flow freshly

Reviews

[Warick Ten Bohmer]

For a 2min poem from your mind it's rather enticing. I was a bit disappointed it came to an end. I might make a suggestion, stanzas for every capital letter, so at Naked and Like, and maybe at your hands as well (making it Your)

Other than that a brilliant read. Thank you.

[clauds294]

Wow! In 2 minutes? This is crazyly good!! Love it! :D

[Marie Harrison]

I love it!

[Undying Glory]

raw is right, although that could give it much, much deeper meaning. (although not to mention, a Mature rating, for that matter...)
either way, you've written expertly for something in 2 minutes. definitely felt like you've thought about this for some time...
awesome, and very sensual work...

[Harry Mora]

Great imagery and flow. I love how it tells two parallel stories in it's verse. This is great. The rawness in your creation is beautiful

[snapjack]

Very nice, I really liked it

[wolfshrew]

a very straight forward piece of writing that mainted a nice flow of interest, i think you should go back over it and see if anything more comes to mind in terms of adding or alterting. but i really enjoyed it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Being naked, a apple and a lot of time can't be so bad. I like the description and the story. I don't believe Adam and Eve know their destiny with the apple? A very good ending to a interesting poem. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Dakota]

Strong imagery and I liked to flow. Raw is not always a bad thing ;o)

[Ladysue]

This flowed beautifully. It was very sensual. Nicely done...

[Ł σ s s σ ғ Ł α �..]

The poem really paints a picture in your head. Well written.