I am Near

last words

On days like these, there are so many things to share.

I cannot list them all, you must know, how deep I care.

You deserve to hear my heart.

I hope these words bind your fears.

For the grave calls my name

and my time is growing near.

 Let our love lace our faith and

that faith dry your tears.

I love you very much but soon my soul will soar.

And from Heavens boarders I will observer your life below.

I will join the Eastern wind and travel with you on a breeze.

So take in my words of love

And capture my smile so dear

and when the wind caresses,

know that I am near.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

' I will join the Eastern wind and travel with you on a breeze.' Should be the last thing said.. and, the first when time invites.

This echoes, more dramatically, that one should tell people you love them every day or at least, show that you do so. So many emotions are kept inside for fear of seeming 'soppy' but loving or missing someone after you and he/she have parted from sound and touch is a desperate sadness. Your poem says how it should be.

' I will join the Eastern wind and travel with you on a breeze.' Should be the last thing said.. and, the first when time invites.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I love that, such a simple thought.

[Gee]

A beautifully written piece, thank you

[Cherrie Palmer]

thank you so much :)

[writ rajat]

very nice to see a published writer in writers cafe i have read your work it was amazing

[Cherrie Palmer]

writers café is my notebook and sounding board. You can get a lot of good direction here and make some lasting friendships long the way.
thank you for the review.

[Chris A Jones]

Beautiful. Easy to relate with. Thanks for sharing.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Thank Chris so much :)

[Ed Hart]

god bless us, everyone...and yes to your wonderful thoughts...i know them inside and out

[Cherrie Palmer]

Thank you Ed, my brother died in Oct and I was just thinking of him and my sister in-law

[Njeri Brooks]

Very emotional poem.

As I initially read through it, the first two lines caught my eye due to the fact that the mc (main character) truly conveyed how she/he felt about this person in only a few words.

It was utterly sad when it became evident that the mc was due for death so soon.

Also, I found it to be genuinely heart felt with the line "let our love lace our faith."

Critics:

1. "...from heavens boarders..." should have been "...from heaven's boarders..."

2. "On days like these there..." should have been written as "On days like these, there..." The first part of that phrase was a subordinate clause.


Overall:
As the mistakes were very diminutive, I was able to truly enjoy the story. Thank you for entering this into the contest.

[Warrior]

I like the rhyme scheme in some of the lines. I like how you said travel with you on a breeze, it's like an idiom.

[Cherrie Palmer]

thank you, for the review I'm not done yet. like a woman trying to fix her hair it's not quite right.