Twelve Steps

last call for help

The Twelve Step Call 

My mind wildly races as dispatch gives me the time of the call. From the front door I can see the dad at the kitchen table  and the boy sitting in his lap. My voice stays controlled and low; eye contact will not be broken. The .45 is now in hand, with that I took a step.

 

"I can see you're not speaking and for now that's ok. I'm here to help if I can. Let’s make one thing clear. I'm here for the boy." With that I took a step.

 

"I know your life is crashing in and you feel you're out of answers. That's ok, it only means you're human. We can talk this out. It’s not too late," with that I took a step.

 

"He has your eyes. What is he, five? The only difference I can see is yours are laced with doubt, while his are full of life. If this plays out like you have planned, your fate will befall on him," with that I took a step.

 

"What you need to remember is I want to help, but above all else my purpose is singular. That's to leave here with the boy. If you shift your weight in a way I can not account for or that colt in your hand ceases to hang at yourside the talking stops. The stage will be set," with that I took a step.

 

"I know this feels like the answer to you, but this is a curse that will mark his soul and he will never be the same. Whether it be by your hand or mine hate will consume what grief leaves behind," with that I took a step.

 

 Unaware of the drama unfolding the restless five-year-old jumps down to pick up a hot wheel. "Look at him; he stands before you without a clue. Do you really want to open his eyes to all that is evil," with that I took a step.

 

I notice the vicious marks scribbled in the help wanted section of the paper and the empty bottle of Jack. "Jobs can be replaced, prescriptions renewed, love may come and go, but this child here is part of your soul," with that I took a step.

 

"Rise above your pain, trust me to do what's right and all three of us can walk out of here tonight," with that I took a step.

 

His eyes were burning deeply as he consumed every word. I was close enough to see a single tear forming, with that I took a step.

 

My hand reached to his, the revolver now in my hand. A smile covered his lips; his tears now were free. "Dispatch call ahead to Laureate Care Center have them set up a room, I'll be en route one time," and a nerve settling  step.

 

I turn to the boy and smile. "Now Bobby, how about we go outside, your grandma is dying to see you," and with that the three of us took a step.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

final edit, maybe
any comments are welcome

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

I would not change a word. It is your
story and it is a winner.
The reader`s perceptions are another
thing. The "12 steps" ? Isn`t that the
formula of Alcoholics Anonymous ?
Perhaps it was related. The man with
the pistol had issues, perhaps that was it.

The 12 steps are what is important here,
not what the reader might think. The 12
steps are the story and it works.

Very, very imaginative with clever use of
the language and knowlledge of human
nature.
Excellent writing.
GREAT !

---- Eag;e Crusgh

[roarke]

Pretty riveting stuff. Great pace and clarity to your story. Very sound advice as well. This is my kind of story, fresh, original and well written. Thanks for creating and sharing it with us.

[Ed Hart]

I'd change "grandma is dying to see you." "Dying" is not a word you'd want to use in that context.

[Crowley]

Very cool short, a lot of tension in a short space. Very good at depicting the feeling of despair that doen't allow for clear thought. I like, can't wait to read the rest of your stuff.

[Charles D. Moorer]

The wrestles five-year-old jumps down to pick up a hot wheel. Clearly this line has issues.
"I can see your not speaking and for now that's ok "you're not speaking"
I expecially, like the refrain method that your used. It was very effective, it was as if I was taking the step to. Great job.

[C.M.]

This one struck a chord with me. I used to be a police officer. It took me back to those days. The layout is interesting, it almost has a poem layout rather than a story. I liked it. Thanks