The Price of Pain

 

The Price of Pain

Written by T. L. O’Neal

 

What is the price of my pain

Is it at the cost of happiness

Or at the expense of love…

Maybe the price of my entry above

 

How can you tell when it hurts so much

When all you need is a loving touch

One that will tell you that everything’s fine

That life is good if you give it time…

Who could’ve known that life would turnout this way

When all you want it to do is just go away…

Hide from the world and yourself too

Never understanding, not knowing what to choose

 

Spinning earth flying through space

Full of souls that are dirty and full of sin

None worthy to live on or to be let in

Let them all burn in the fiery pits of hell

Pay for their redemption with sulfur and smell

They screwed up the world with their greed and lust

Let them all perish and start from dust…

And in turn earn back your Holy Trust

 

Speak it into words and let it then be

This time around, forget about me

Creator do what you will with your spoken word

Just don’t utter my name for I’ll never be

I never asked to be here or do I care

Just let me disappear in my total despair

 

My life was over before it ever began

It separated from me as if by hand

If I could I would have surely ran…

Let me die in this hole that I have dug

Spoonful by spoonful, year after year

I’ve destroyed my life simply out of fear

 

Living this yin and yang existence in my head

Black and white images but never gray

Colors float in and out like the flowing tide

Never knowing what will come next inside

 

Pain follows me around everyday

For the penance that I must pay

Broken heart and broken dreams

That twists in the wind but never seen

Damaged soul and broken spirit

Not much left of me anymore…

All that’s left is an empty shell

One that’s empty and full of hell

 

The pendulum swings to and fro

Which direction I never know

But you have to go on to survive…

Life sure is a b***h to say the least

Nothing more than the nature of my beast 

 

To hell with the world and all that belong

They’re all so weak and not very strong

They live for themselves not for the wronged

Destroy them all with a brush of your hand

Make them disappear from the cosmos sky

Hurl them to the sun and let them fry

 

Maybe I sound bitter and this is so

Because I know things that you don’t know

You wouldn’t care none in the least

What’s the nature of my beast

Back and forth his head does swing

With hellish songs he must sing

Look at him with his glowing eyes

To you maybe it’s a big surprise

 

Lighting fast as he strikes

Never letting up in his fight

Turmoil and torture are his only friends

Comes after me at the changing of the winds

How can you fight a creature such as this

When all you want is eternal bliss

You cover up your face and lay down to hide

You’re all alone, no one by your side

 

When the adrenaline rushes through my veins

It’s like shooting it up in a main

Flowing faster and faster in my head

Won’t be long before I feel dead

 

Caldron of chemicals flood my brain

Wonder if anything will ever remain

Or stay intact of my running thoughts

For my wretched soul that was bought

 

With the price of my lonely birth

That damned me with this bloody curse

Can’t buy my way out, money won’t burn

I’m just biding my time till my turn

 

So screw the pain and the loneliness too

I choose to stay, fight and not to die

I fight with the devil and I fight with my thoughts

With my spirit that I tried to wrought…

Into a shape that I can be pleased

Then live with myself in harmony

 

Forgive me for now I understand

Without pain how can I grow as a man

Let me learn from my mistakes

And be the person you hope I can…

Hope through this life I can stay sane

And remember that it’s all the price of pain

 

 

Reviews

[Steven Pottle]

Forgive me for now I understand
Without pain how can I grow as a man
Let me learn from my mistakes
And be the person you hope I can�

This says so much about life and how without pain and suffering we cannot have love and change- how do you know when you are up if you've never been down?
We grow through pain and learn from those mistakes etc.
A fantastic piece.

Steven.

[Jennifer]

This was so powerful and so good. I feel the pain and the emotion in every word and I can relate on so many levels. Great job, T

[Kchung]

This really reminds me of the book Fight Club. An excellent read (referring both to the poem and book). It's almost as if there's self-enlightenment through suffering. It was heart wrenching and very moving. Very nicely written, sir.

-Kchung

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This poem flows so well it is easily read ... painful. So many lines grab me I cannot choose one, they are all wonderful and descriptive. Life is sure a struggle and we only have one chance to get it right. This poem should be read by all so they will remember.

Peace

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

I hope you feel better, ---mishel :P