Have you seen my legs?

A short horror story based on an Urban Legend....

It was around 8:00 in the evening when 15 year old Charlie finished his Math’s tuition. Coming out of his tutor’s house he waited on the sidewalk looking for a taxi. Cars and bikes passed him but there were no taxi roaming that neighborhood. Deciding he should take the 8:15 train from Abigail Station which would also be faster than a cab he headed off. The streets of Avenue Road were rushed up as always. Looking at his watch, 8:07 showed the time. ‘8:15's the train, it’ll take 10 minutes then a few minutes’ walk and I’ll be home. Just in time for Popeye’ Charlie muttered to himself making his way through the crowd.

 

Charlie being born in the town of Westington which was a lot more crowded than here was used to rush. In fact he liked it. Making his way through the crowd to get to school every morning he felt like a soldier in battle. Dodging the busy traffic was like a fun game for him. But his favorite thing was the train journey between Abigail Station and Westington Station that even though took just 10 minutes was an enjoyable ride for him. It crossed the little forest on the outskirts of town, passed the Clementine Lake that looked beautiful under the moon light and then Stanley Bridge.

 

Walking through town Charlie’s mind was trying to memorize a formula his teacher gave him. So lost in his thoughts that before he knew it he was at the station which looked strangely deserted. ‘Odd’ said Charlie, puzzled. ‘An empty station on a Saturday night? Maybe it’s because of the Circus’. Charlie was thinking about the circus that came to town only a few days ago. It was a world famous circus and was the talk of the town for a few weeks now even before they could arrive. Still Charlie felt it quite weird that there was no one at the platform or around considering the rush he just walked through. There was complete silence in the atmosphere. Standing on the platform looking down the lines he noticed he wasn't all alone there. At the near end of the platform on a bench sat a girl with a large box near her. She was unusually pale looking with long black hair. Charlie didn't want to stare too long so he looked ahead waiting for the train. There was a chill breeze in the air.

 

Suddenly he heard the sound of something falling. Looking towards the girl he saw a small box lying in front of her with what looked like decoration material scattered around the platform. Looking closely he noticed a pair of clutches by her side. With his kind heart he decided to go to her and pick up her things. He walked up to her but she didn't move. She sat there still as Charlie got on his knees and stated picking up the decoration items one by one. As he got near he looked at her. She didn’t make a single move. Her head hung low with her hair covering her face a little.

 

As he got near the large box he heard her whisper ‘Have you seen my legs?’.  Not knowing what to make of this sentence he got up and walked in front of her. His body froze, the items in his hand fell, his heart nearly stopped at what his frightened eyes saw in front. The girl’s lower half of her body was missing as if were cut off.  There was blood on the bench and over what looked like a school uniform she was wearing. Blood started pouring out of the upper half of her body. He moved back slowly fighting the paralyzing fear that had gripped his body.

 

Suddenly the girl fell on the floor right near his legs. Charlie screamed in terror. He could see the tip of her spine coming out of her back. Blood streams stared to flow in every direction coming out of her. She lay there like a corpse. No movement. Charlie now completely frozen stared at the horror in front. His hands trembling, his heart racing and his body paralyzed. Suddenly her head looked up at him, he yelled in fear as he fell backwards on the tracks. Opening his eyes after his fall he saw her crawling down towards the rails where he lay. He sat up moving himself back to the wall with tears of fright in his eyes, his mouth moved but the fear gripped his voice and not a sound came out. As he watched her drag her body towards him with her hands and elbows. Slowly, getting closer and closer to his legs she lifted her pale expressionless face and looked towards frightened Charlie. Her mouth opened and a stream of blood gushed out like a river. Charlie yelled on the top of his voice even louder than the train noise as it ran over him that very second slicing him in half and tearing off his legs. The train stopped and there was silence all around. A few hours later the train was moved as the medical team removed the body from the tracks.

 

The Train driver sat on a bench with his head in his palms full of grief. He was recently transferred here and in his experience of 32 years never had an accident occurred with him behind the wheel. This was a first time for him and the death of a child made this father of two cry. With his head down he heard one of the train staff saying ‘Looks like Ming got another victim’. ‘Whose Ming?’ asked the driver. One of the staff members sat beside the driver and said ‘When this station was built the first accident that took place was of a young Japanese girl named Ming. She was a cripple. That day like everyone else she was waiting for the train after school. When she saw it coming, that was before all these trees grew you could see the train coming from quite a distance. She moved towards the edge so she could get in fast. On the way she lost balance and fell on the tracks. The crowd rushed to her aid but it was too late. The train was already over her. When the train was moved they found her in two. Her upper body was still in one piece just bruised but her legs were ripped off, dragged off by the engine. She lay there with I think it was Christmas decorations scattered around her in a pool of her own blood.’ The engine driver’s eyes were wide open as the man narrated the story.

 

‘After that day they've been many accidents happening on this track every year. All the same’. ‘Same’ asked the driver in a puzzled tone. ‘Yeah! Random people, sometimes a child or teenager sometimes even an adult. All fallen between the tracks. Upper body intact, legs ripped off’. ‘My God!’ the driver placed his hand on his mouth. ‘You think that’s strange, there’s never anybody on the platform when these accidents happen’.  The man got up, turning towards the shocked driver he said ‘The people around here believe that Ming’s sprit haunts this station’. The driver now feeling an eerie sense of fear looked up towards the man. ‘Yup, that’s what they say. Where ever there’s someone on the platform all alone she comes put. Dragging her body with her hands. Looking for her legs.’

 

The man left with the others. The driver sat there completely still, eyes filled with fear, was it true or a hoax ran through his mind. Could this be true? A sprit caused this. This station really haunted? His doubtful mind was silenced when he heard ‘Have you seen my legs?’.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

I think you've got the potential for a great little story here. It's got good description and the overall plot seems to work for what you're trying to do.

Technically, you're going to need to break it up into paragraphs, especially when ever a new person is speaking. Work on proper punctuation. While your sentences overall are pretty good. You need to make sure the dialog is in proper quotations and in the proper format; that refers back to what I said about paragraphs.

What I really though you did well about this piece was it's attention to detail and bringing across the emotional horror in your characters. I was easily able to see the scene.

Overall, I feel the piece is certainly worth reading as a reader, and certainly worth taking the time to tweek for you as a writer so that it's in a better grammarical format. Keep up the good work!

Aaron - Wolfwind

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you so much for your review and also for the advice. I changed it as you can see. I've made it into paragraphs. I still have lots to learn about writing.
This was my second story and first horror attempt. I worked so much on the details and trying to keep it scary yet easy to visualize that I didn't pay attention that it looked like a mess.
My apologies...

[p]

I'll be honest, I feel like this could use some tightening up. The character's inner monologue doesn't make much sense for the first half of the story. A lot of the grammar is incorrect and the characters don't think very naturally.

Overall, I think you have a nice premise, but it could use some revision.

[J. Justice Mendez]

F****n' Fantastic.

This is the kind of stuff I like to read. I am very impressed with your story. I could literally see everything that was happening, and I was very into it. I noticed that when I finished, my face was uncomfortable close to the screen.

A Japanese schoolgirl that drags herself around, looking for her legs in a train station. Not only is that an original idea, but that could be the plot to a Horror film.

One thing that I've noticed that you like to do, is reveal the backstory after the main encounter happens. While that will work with certain stories, I would recommend you practice meshing both together. Although, it couldn't really work with this story in particular, but it could have worked with your "She Wouldn't Die" story. Essentially, reveal pieces of the backstory as the character discovers more while he moves through the situation.

Keep up the good work. I look forward to more of your content.

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you so much for this review and I'm really sorry to have to tell you but this isn't an original idea. It's based of an urban legend and I'm pretty sure there's a movie on it and a sequel. I'm crazy into urban legends and creepypasta and this one is called Teke-Teke. So for a first horror story I decided to use an existing idea and work on detailing it. So, again thank you for the review and also the advice.. :)

[J. Justice Mendez]

I appreciate your honesty. I actually looked into it, and yeah, there's a few movies based on the concept.
Nonetheless, still a good story. You're welcome for the review.

[Lynndah]

That was really good. I love short stories.

[SweetNutmeg]

That was creepy! Good job. Something I might find interesting is having some kind of idea why Ming chose Charlie to haunt. Was it envy of his life and sound limbs, punishment for being ungrateful for his legs? Or was it random? If you're done with this story (there comes a time for every story when you have to say Done!) maybe it is something to keep in mind for your next one... why is the victim chosen?

Yikes! I just heard a plastic bag crinkling in the kitchen and your story had me so freaked out I jumped. THAT is a sure sign of a successful scary story! :)

[DanteYurei]

The story is great.

From my point of view I'll just expand it a bit and elaborate more tension without rushing to the gruesome part. Other than that I found it very interesting and you did a great job describing the scene.

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you so much for the review. This being my first attempt at horror that's why I kept it simple.

[DanteYurei]

For a first try you did a really good job!

[Rob Santana]

Damn Chris you keep writing stories and you will become a killer horror writer. I really like the ending. I'm not a grammar nazi so I'm not going to drill you on s**t. I only write poetry but eventually I would like to write horror stories myself. A little editing is all you need, besides that great plot.

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you so much.