rare

i ain't no vegetarian

 

smell of burnt

 

fat & flesh

 

drooling, craving, dripping

 

slam me a slab

 

of bloody Betsy

 

on my plate she pools

 

knife & fork tools

 

slap down the napkin

 

& devour

 

Reviews

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

Seriously--we must be long-lost sisters!!!! We're just too much alike.

I'm definitely a carnivore. Don't believe in the vegetarian lifestyle, because I believe in yin & yang--and that means some of everything. You just plain are NOT HEALTHY if you eat only veggies. Besides missing out on the joys of a big, juicy steak....YUM!!!

[Michael X]

I wouldnt change a word myself, it may break the fragile artisticness,
as well as the passionate intent that is always difficult to achieve,
in this case, that is. as far as the meaning, humorous and delving,
i really enjoyed the concept and the neature of the hunger, classic.

[Mary]

Hah! This is great! I'm a vegetarian, but when I do eat meat, beef especially, (sometimes I can't help myself) I like it still mooing at me!
Aside from that, I like how graphic it is! =)

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

carniviously well done!

[Chelsea Schermerhorn]

very good imagery in short form. You have made it into the first cut of finalists for my Imagery Contest.

[.mate.feed.kill.repeat.]

I actually laughed at this... =]

This is simply genius. Not only is it catchy and funny, but it also says a lot about who you are as a person.

As far as the writing itself goes, however, I do have a few things to comment on. First is the rhythm. A big part of poetry is the rhythm, and in this piece, it seems a little ...off. Not always a bad thing, but if you read through this a few times, it seems to be presented a little illogically. Something you could try out to see if it changes anything is adding punctuation. A few commas and periods can go a long way.

Line seven ("on my plate she pools") doesn't read smoothly to me in this piece. I suggest breaking it apart ("on my plate / she pools") or just moving "she pools" to the next line and leaving "on my plate" on its own line, or somehow rearranging those words so that they read more smoothly.

You did, however, have magnificent word choice throughout. I am an avid carnivore, myself, and reading this made me want some steak. I seriously crave steak now. (Good going, you've made me hungry. Gah.) The imagery was marvelous as well.

Honestly--a very nice piece.

[Andromeda]

...hungry now. must go eat dinner...meat!! yum!
=)

[Sparrow]

Throw one on the grill for me please! Throw in some A1 and I'll be over in 20 minutes.

[Mokey]

I'm a vegetarian, and I still liked this poem. It's funny and raw (pun intended) and very visual. Also, I love any writing that makes use of the sense of taste. That's a difficult one to do, but you did it well with your various descriptions! :) Nice job. I enjoyed reading this poem, especially the line about "bloody Betsy."

[Jet Lag]

oh, yeah! steak with sauteed mushrooms... grilled hamburgers with tons of condiments... bacon and eggs with a bloody mary... pizza with all the dead animals on it (line from jet lag novel)

lol, you and i may be the only people with a dteak avatar:
Chapter 5.3 "Bring Yourself"

kudos to you for this!

[Lillian]

haha bravo. nicely done. =)