Him

Not sure if it's finished. Nor am I sure if it's truly a poem.

When he smiles at me my stomach flips
As he reads to me my heart skips
The look he gives makes my head race
His hand touches mine my body shakes

Author's Note

Any constructive tips and comments are welcomed

Reviews

[Relic]

This is a nice descriptive poem about love CK. As the others have mentioned, it flows well and is full of emotion. I also like the fact that it alludes to love without coming out and saying it.

When he smiles at me my stomach flips.
As he reads to me my heart skips.
The look he gives makes my head race.
His hand touches mine--my body shakes.

[CK]

I think you would bring a smile to my muses face if he were to hear that it alludes to love! Thank you, I'm glad you caught that.

[Relic]

Welcome. :)

[Robert]

This is a very tender and heartfelt piece. Its a personal piece but I like how the reader can take on as their own.

[Francis Orion]

Lovely poem. Your sentiment is felt, but I feel like there is more you want to say. I would expand it. But, I love the heartfelt warmth. Nice

[CK]

I felt is was unfinished as well. Maybe me muse will draw more out of me at a later date. One can only hope. Thank you for your review, it's nice that you saw what I felt (in the way of it being unfinished).

[Francis Orion]

You're welcome

[ANTO]

This is filled with such wonderful sentiment - i dont feel its finished - theres a lovely fade in but an abrupt end rather than an 'ahhh moment' - gentle fade out as is fitting for such loving writing.
In music there are chords that make one feel as if a song has ended and more to the point they feel as if they have ended but then there are chords that leave the listener hanging - and they are aptly termed 'suspended chords'.
I feel you ended this on a suspended chord.

[CK]

I agree 100%. I enjoy the way you explained yourself as well, if only I knew music in such a way lol.

[ANTO]

It was my pleasure CK. But believe me, I am no maestro nor virtuoso lol. :D

[Briana]

This is loving and sweet. I always enjoy a simple poem with heaps of emotion. Any suggestion I had would be to give us more!

[CK]

Thank you, you surely put a smile on my face. I hope to please you with more work soon.

[Samuel Dickens]

I'm no authority, but think it's quite nice. It rhymes, has flow, and tells a story of emotions. I'd say you've accomplished your mission.