Sell Out: Society's Rapist

Missy comes to the grand apple to experience life, but fate throws a apricot at her, and everything changes

Sell Out: Society’s Rapist

By “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Claude Argentina

ACT 1

SCENE 1

(Stage opens on Missy in train car. Smoking out the window. Gentlemen 1 taps her on the shoulder. The Raveonettes - PE’AHI when the night is almost done plays on loop.)

Gentlemen 1: (British Accent) “‘xcuse me Ma’am, you’re actually not ‘posed to be smokin’ in ‘ere.”

Missy: “Kid, I’ve been smoking 21 of my 25 years on this earth. No two timin’ scum bag is gonna loosen my belt over a cigarette.”

(Bird soars by)

Gentlemen 1: “Sorry Ma’am, thems the rules ...”

(Missy aggressive stare. Gentlemen leaves, head down.)

Pregnant Women: (Southern Accent) “You sure are a tough cookie, aren’t ya’.”

(Missy Takes another smoke)

Pregnant Women: “Ya know I was a lot like you when I was a kid. Thought I was the bee's knees, the cat’s meow. (Pause) Ya know that comes to an end someday.”

Missy: “Hmph”

Pregnant Women: “Whatchya comin’ down to New York for anyways.”

Missy: “People say I got a voice that would make a goddam bird drop dead mid flight.”

(Bird drops dead in background. Sad music)

Missy: “Figured I head on down to the Grand Apple for Broadway.”

Pregnant Women: “Think you mean the Big Apple, ‘ey?”

Missy: “Yeah I guess I really don’t know what I’m doing.”

(Awkwardly long pause)

Pregnant Women: “So, where ya’ comin’ from.”

Missy: “I’m comin’ from Minnesota. Born there, raised there ... but I don’t really like my past, so I guess  I kinda try to leave it there. (Short Pause, Train Honks) My dad used to ... ya know what, f**k off! I have my own goddam reasons!”

(Missy storms off train. Very little luggage in bag, throws her old cigarette at a dirty pigeon)

ACT1

SCENE2

(Big city. Cloudy skies. Much noise. Bewilderment.)

Missy: “Taxi! ... Taxi!”

(Taxis flying by. Finally one stops)

Taxi Man: “Hop in, doll face”

Missy: “Thanks, it’s so difficult to get a cab in this f****n’ zoo.”

Taxi Man: “Oh yeah. You must be new in town then ‘eh?”

Missy: “Yeah. Can I smoke in here?”

Taxi Man: “Sure. I’ve been doing this for a while now. First day on the job was 25 years ago. This taxi’s seen more s**t than you’d ever imagine.”

Missy: “I doubt it ...”

Taxi Man: “I once had a crazy german bird man try to hop in with at least twenty birds in a single cage! Haha, she was crazy!”

(Fades to black. Flashback begins)

(German man with a fantastical mustache enters the Taxi, he is holding a bird cage holding at least 15 pigeons)

German Man:(thick accent) “Take me to fifth please”.

Taxi man: “yessir, gotta ask what's with the birds though. I don’t mind them in the Taxi or nothin’ but you gotta admit it, is a bit strange.”

German Man: “These birds were contaminating my others with their pathetic genes, now if you will allow it I will sit quietly here, in peace!”

(mutters something about homosexual birds.)

Taxi Man: “Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you. It’s against my religion ... I’M JEWISH!” (Spotlight shines on him)

German Man: “Dirty Jews!”

(spits a green acid)

“They are pathetic! If I could wish one experience onto them, this said experience would be classified as awful camp in which they are basically tortured to the bone.”

(An old German folk song begins to play on radio, don’t know exactly how it goes, but along the lines 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie.)

(Taxi Man is obviously uncomfortable. Fades to black, flashback ends, Taxi Man laughing to himself the entire times the stage is dark. Stage is dark for ten seconds. When light appears, laughter services.)

Taxi Man: “Later that day, the racist b*****d kills himself ... I don’t pity him ... not one bit.” (takes a bite of the bagel)

(Missy smokes, another extra extra long awkward pause)

Missy: “So how does a gal get on Broadway ‘round here anyways?”

Taxi Man: “You’re askin me miss tiny tits?”

(Someone hands him a bagel THROUGH the window. Takes another bite of a bagel, Taxi Man’s mouth is full)

“It was every dead w***e’s dream to sing on Broadway. But in the end they all end up with a needle in their arm.”

(bird explodes in the background?)

Missy: “Why don’t you just get me to the closest f****n’ motel you slippery f**k licker!”

Taxi Man: “Whatever lady! Just be careful what you wish for ...”

(Tries to start car. Fails repeatedly)

(Entire 2 minute car ride SILENT!)

ACT 1

SCENE 3

(Scene at dirty motel. Pigeons eating a man's body. Janitor cleans it off the stage)

(Missy walks up to janitor)

Missy: “Missy: Walks up to janitor. Hey Steve, I’m outta here. Off to the audition”

Steve: “Uh .. Steve is not my name ...”

Missy: “Whatever you c**t milk shake beaver vagina nerd! ... Seeya”

(Missy dances way off stage. All arms, little legs.)

(Fades to black. Laughter and pigeon noises. Scene opens with three judges IN AUDIENCE looking up at missy)

Judge 1: “Hello b***h. Fat c**k in you?” (Laughter)

Judge 2: “Barry, Please!! Enough with the insults you f*****g c**k tart b***h dick suck-a-lot tit fig newton b***h!”

Judge 3: “Guys, can we please just get this over with. (Groan) I have a bottle of gin and 7 sleeping tablets waiting for me at my mother’s basement.”

(Both judges take out instrument and play a sad tune?)

Missy: “My name is Missy!”

Judge 2: “And you’re last?”

Missy: “Bloody a*s c**k dick penguin!”

Judge 1: “Fine then. Go ahead. Make us quiver in our shoes!” (Sarcastically)

(Missy puts her head down. 3 minutes of silence. Spotlight shines. Sings “Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. People dressed as birds come on stage holding d****s poking each others ears. A big paper mache baby butt comes down from ceiling. Condoms come flowing out with nutella covered bananas)

(Extremely awkward pause)

(Judge 3 cums on stage, then he ends his life very slowly, trying to unscrew pill bottle cap. Judge dies after long period, applause sign!)

Judge 1: “Wow, your voice could literally make a f*****g bird drop dead.”

Missy: “Oh ... Thanks!”

Judge 1: “In a bad way!! you f*****g dick waffle b***h mother tampon t**d s****y b***h a*s f**k tard poop a s**t gold dick sucking monkey vagina shakespeare lookin’ head a*s dick belly button f**k shot lolly pop dick f**k c**k.”

(Applause sign)

Judge 2: “You would know, of all people.”

Missy: “Is that really how you feel?”

Judge 1 + 2: “Damn straight!”

(Judges pose to crowd, sitcom intro music comes in, dog barks at end. they bow)

Missy: “Well then ... I guess I better go then?”

Judge 1: “Get the f**k out”

(Missy, dejected, gets chased off stage by the birds”)

(Siberian husky comes onto stage. Breaks into song and dance. Nazi flag in background burning.)

ACT 2

SCENE 1

(Missy is a bird suit sitting alone on motel bed smoking. a cig. Janitor steve comes in dressed as a women, bad porn-like acting ensues.)

Janitor: “Hey baby, heard you needed your radiator fixed.”

Missy: “yeah, all my smoking and pure sexual energy is clogging it. I wonder if there was any physical way to fix my hard hard problem.”

Janitor: “I think I’ve got just the right shaft to screw you in nice and night for the tight”

(Janitor disrobes,revealing his mediocre penis, he puts a pig nose on. Strobe lights are in sync with the pumps, suction cups noises are heard. Missy is silent, man is screaming with pleasure, this goes on for 3 minutes. Finally, at the man climax, confetti is sprayed all over the audience.)

Steve: “WHAT’S HAPPENING!”

(After beat drops sex continues)

Steve: “WHAT’S HAPPENING!”

(second drop.)

Steve: “YEAH B***H” (Five minutes of cheering.)

(Women walks on stage, blood is thrown on Steve)

Feminist: “Objectification is murderrrrrrr!”

(People dressed birds start throwing dead birds into the audience. The birds have notes attached to them saying, ‘Free Hot Dog’)

Steve: “AAAAH FUUUUUUCK PUP!!!”

(Steve, screaming the whole time, puts on a skin tight bodysuit and starts to belly dance with a full grown nazi siberian husky with piercing blue eyes. Steve dies of pleasure. Unhealthy amount of vanilla yogurt is sprayed on him threw the mouth of a bird person.)

(Music goes to creepy. Black suit guy puts head dress on siberian husky. Creepy music begins to play.)

Siberian Husky: “Missy, many a day have I been hunting for you. The long dark nights piercing my soul, molesting my very being. I have traveled far for the moment. The tale I would like to tell you is that you, Missy, are indeed on account of the loyalness that has been presented to you, Missy, the beginning of tale baying master. You are the mosiah. Sex ... is ... your ... CALLING”

(Thunder strikes on word ‘calling’. Bright flashing lights. Missy is then left alone sitting up on bed.)

Missy: “Well ... I guess that’s that. No more broadway for me, just broad anal from me for now own. I guess I am going to be known for tonguing the anus! :)”

http://failblog.cheezburger.com/fails/tag/sports

ACT 2

SCENE 2

(Missy hanging out on her corner, months have passed. Man approaches.)

Buddy: “You that b***h Missy?” (points a claymore sword at her.)

Missy: “Yea, what's it to you fund marksheet.”

Buddy: “Listen, I have great respect for you and your work, especially your tongueing ability, it is legendary.”

Missy: “Thanks, HITLER!”

Buddy: “Isn’t that your... never mind, listen dick choker, my p***y b***h twat f****r of a boss is having a meeting at Batbush Elementary, be there or be a f**k.

(Missy is Silent)

Buddy: “Don’t worry square Vagina, nobody will do nothing to YA.”

Missy: “Fine, you gotta name.”

Buddy: “People have given me two names, Penis holes and Hole filler. but my third name is Buddy, that’s what you can call me.”

Missy: “Wow, you are a great guy, I love you and we are best friends. I have a strong feeling of trust for you. Now lets go to Batbush Elemetary and discuss whatever plans your boss has.”

(later at Batbush Elemetary, Missy, Buddy, PimP, and two goons stand in a circle. In the background cardboard standups of children with holes cut in the mouths “play” on play equipment. A priest sneaks around shoving his penis into the mouths, chuckling and groaning/moaning with pleasure.)

PimP: “YO, Captain Dickinyerface, who’s the gay w***e with popcorn eyeballz?”

Buddy: “This B***H is Missy, she suck a dick like a Bill Cosby rapes women.”

PimP: “That good? YOU BEST NOT BE DICKING MY MOUTH!”

Buddy: “Wha? No she totes good at f*****g, I ain’t dicking nobody.”

PimP: “IF I FIND OUT YOU BE DICKING MY MOUTH, THERE GONNA BE DICKS TO PAY DICK MOUTH FUCKHEAD MADE OF DICKS!”

Buddy: “I just said I wasn’t dicking you boss, jeez. What the hell is up your dick?”

PimP: “SAY DICK TO ME ONE MO’ TIME B***H DICKS!”

Buddy: “Are you asking me? or being sartastic?”

PimP: “I’m not sure I’d call it sartasm, but yes I was being sartastic.”

Buddy: “So I shouldn’t say dick again?”

PimP: “YOU F*****G C**T, I SAID DON’T SAY DICK THEN YOU YOU SAID DICK AGAIN, AND THAT I ASKED YOU NOT TO SAY, BUT YOU F*****G SAID DICK.”

Buddy: “But I was asking you whether or not I should say it.”

PimP: “IMMA BITE YOUR DICK OFF SHITDICK.”

Goon 1: “But thats gay tho.”

Buddy: “Whats wrong with being gay stickerdicker?”

Goon 1: “The complementary structure of the male and female anatomy is obviously designed for the normal husband-wife relationships. Clearly, design in human biology supports heterosexuality and contradicts homosexuality.

The combination of male and female enables man (and the animals) to produce and nurture offspring as commanded in Genesis 1:28 “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” This command is repeated to Noah after the Flood (Genesis 8:15-17).

But procreation is not the only reason God made humans as sexual beings. The BUWA report affirms “that sexual intimacy between husband and wife is good, and is intended by God for bonding, pleasure and procreation.”7

Thirdly, God gave man and woman complementary roles in order to strengthen the family unit. Woman was to be the helper that man needed (Genesis 2:18). However, the woman’s role as the helpmate is certainly not an inferior one. The enterprising, God-fearing woman in Proverbs 31:10-31 is an inspiring role model.”

Buddy: “Wow, thats a great point G,(Makes a sudo gang sign) I never realized that gays are awful and that it is cool to hate them Homey, (turns to crowd) Remember to hate gays, only you can prevent men putting penis’s in eachother.”

PimP: “Am I gay?”

Buddy: “LET’S FIND OUT! (Buddy straight up rapes PimP) Imma slice yer cake UP.”

(The rape turns into a passionate love making session. This continues for a while)

PimP: “I guess I am.”

(Awkward silence.)

Missy: “I haven’t spoken in a while.”

(Awkward silence)

Goon 2: “I’m gay too, just in case you were wondering.”

(Awkward silence)

Buddy: “Do ya guys wanna play COD 4 at my place. My Mom said she’d make cake pops.”

PimP: “WHAT THE F**K IS A CAKE POP?!!??!!?!!?”

Buddy: “It is a stick with cake on the tip. They are pretty good. Also I hate jews.”

Missy: “I haven’t spoken in a while.”

Goon 1: “I could go for a cake pop.”

Goon 2: “Or me and you could go bang?”

Goon 1: “Sho, let us go have anal sex.”

(Goon 1 and 2 leave the stage Awkward silence follows.)

PimP: “So, I had like 8 differents STD’s and we screwed.”

(Everybody leaves stage)

ACT 2

SCENE 3

(Missy is on her corner juggling, smoking and playing solitaire. A man with a scar approaches, he wears a trenchcoat, seems like the type of guy who can play PIANO, she doesn’t even play PIANO.)

Scar Man: “YOU, SEX HARLOT, ya wanna touch a diseased penis.”

Missy: “No.”

Scar Man: “What if I told you it was missing the tip. (turns to crowd) lost it to the charlie's back in Nahm.”

Missy: “Listen tardMcKenzy, you best be paying me aboot 16 toonies, ya f*****g cuntsteak rotten raindeer twat mothafucka BLOW BLOW.”

Scar Man: “Okey Dokey, I should make a Lord of the Rings reference.”

Missy: “Wha, why, what the f**k are you talking aboot.”

(Scar Man sticks his weiner in her veiner, and the stage fades to dark. About two months pass, things be getting crazy all up in HERE, ya naw what I am saying GEE.)

Scar Man: “I am in love!!!”

Missy: “With who?”

Scar Man: “Wouldn’t you like to know!!! That’s for part 2!!!”

(FADE TO BLACK. INTERMISSION. NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO LEAVE. IF BATHROOM IS NEEDED. MUST BE ASSISTED BY SERVICE DOGS)

(Ash covers the stage, on the stage are ruins of New York. A soldier wearing DX POWER SUIT MACH-5™ watches the stage, a wounded mans lays on the ground staring at the destructive force that is the DX POWER SUIT MACH-5™. The DX POWER SUIT MACH-5™ soldier approaches the soon to be dead man.)

Wounded Man: You b******s are all the same, more machine than ma-

(DX POWER SUIT MACH-5™ soldier shoots him mid sentence)

(Fades to black)

(Buddy and Missy enter.)

Buddy: “Man, post-nuclear war ain’t no cake-pop COD party.”

Missy: “I’m late.”

Buddy: “What?”

Missy: “This guy with a scar shoved his Piener in my VAGINA, and made me preggo my eggo.”

Buddy: “I once had sex with a scar.”

Missy: “I am scared.”

Buddy: “Maybe you should dance your fears away.”

(Missy begins dancing, soon after she begins a firefight breaks out, EU forces are pushing on Manhattan, The North American Defense Core is being crushed due to the lack of strong leadership. Two stray bullets find the throat and leg of Buddy, Missy runs to his aid. She stops the bleeding with fabric, Buddy will make it but not without wounds. Once the storm of bullets finally relents Missy is able to properly attend to her only friend. Buddy pulls out one of those things that smokers use that make them sound kinda like Darth Vader.)

Buddy: “MAYBE YOU SHOULD DANCE YOUR FEARS AWAY!”

(Missy begins to dance, her moves are reminiscent of a bird)

Buddy: “DID THAT WORK?”

Missy: “LETS F*****G HAVE SEX FOR MONEY RATHER THAN TALK YOU GAYLORD FUCKTARDED TREEBITCH LOOKIN’ A*S!”

(PimP enters)

PimP: “YO B*****S WHATTUP WHATTUP WHATTUP!”

Missy: “Buddy got shot twi-”

PimP: “NO WAY, listen you gotta my money b***h.”

Missy: “Here you go (hands PimP eighty moonstones) GOD THIS MORNING SICKNESS SUCKS DICKCOCKHOLES!” (Vomits a glittery mixture of goo’s and s**t.)

PimP: “Hold up, no b***h of mine is gonna be sexing up the B*****S while a baby is being built in yer F*****G belly.”

Buddy: “Let’s not be Homosexuals, you can’t keep her from sexing up the B*****S she’s needs the sweet moonstones to keep the EU off our backs.”

PimP: “No way in purgatory am I letting me main asswitch leave my side for a shitbrain kid that’ll die to the radiation fever.”

Missy: “Wait, are you telling me toooooo get an abortion.”

Buddy: “But that would be murder, life begins at conception.”

PimP: “SHUT UP YOU MEATEAD, YOU!”

(Buddy begins to cry. Missy laughs at him.)

Missy: “LOL you b***h Buddy, I am MLG at F*****G f*****g, so Imma keep banging the nerds Fuckbabe, and I want a child, so like, f**k, OFF you GLOBAL ELITE LOOKIN’ TURTLE F**K?”

PimP: “YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAYS TO DO S****Y SHITBACK, AND ICH SAID TO F****N’ KILL THE BEAN THAT IS SPROUTING INTO LIFE IN YER F*****G TUMMY TUM TUM!”

Buddy: “Bosserino, you can’t just be telling yer homies what to do I mean this isn’t USSR.”

PimP: “Shut up, ugly NUT DRAGON, lets get one thing straighterino, when I say kill a baby, you f*****g shoot the baby in its ugly soft spot, got it you Racist Boner Box.”

Missy: “I need to be alone niggerino.”

PimP: C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. C**t. Cunterino.

(Everybody but Missy leaves stage. Missy whips out a Ham radio, and does stuff on it and contacts a different radio.)

Missy: “Yo b***h, you gonna have a kid.”

Scar Man: “I can’t handle that I already have a pet amputated Dwarf. I’m constantly forgetting to feed him, and forgetting not to laugh at his disgusting wounds. (begins to laugh.) One scar looks like a sickly child getting beaten by a better, stronger, more aryan, child. It is FANTASTICALLY FUNNY.”

Missy: “What, you can’t force me to have a child all on my own, especially since that things like the fact I won’t receive welfare or s**t like that.”

Scar Man: “Fine, I will help if I must.”

Missy: “You must.”

Scar Man: “Well I don’t have too, and I really really really don’t like to be told what to do. Actually I don’t want too any longer, sorry bobary.”

Missy: “WHAT? YOU GAY HITLER VOODOO DOLL!”

Scar Man: “I will be back.”

Missy: “I know you're lyin' Cause your lips are movin. Tell me do you think I'm dumb? I might be young, But I ain't stupid Talking round in circles with your tongue. I gave you bass, you gave me sweet talk, Saying how I'm your number one. But I know you're lyin 'Cause your lips are movin Baby, don't ya know I'm done”  

(gunfire is heard through the radio.)

Scar Man: “Oh no, we are now being attacked as indicated by the gunfire that is heard through this radio. Let us go my love, we are now leaving as indicated by my words.”

Missy: “Wait but whom is it that you love BITCHFUCK.”

Scar Man: “Wouldn’t you like to know!!! That’s for part 3!!!”

(Radio goes dead. Missy becomes painfully aware of the world around her. Tears flow dead bodies around the stage begin to weep as well. Missy curls into a ball and just cries for five straight minutes. Men dressed as birds climb onto to stage and scream. Then they begin to throw feces at the crowd. Buddy enters and sits next to Missy.)

Buddy: “Now the gate has been unlatched, headstones pushed aside, corpses shift and offer room, a fate you must abide!”

Missy: “We trade one villain for another.” (stands up and looks around.)

Buddy: “IF WE DIE IN THE PLAY WE DIE FOR REAL!”

Missy: “Oh, Buddy what are we gonna do?”

Buddy: “That sounds like a great idea b***h! how do you come up with such non-f****t plans.”

Missy: “You missed a few lines kitten TITS.”

Buddy: “What? Just go with it hooker.”

Missy: “I know it’s a great plan, but where are we gonna find the heart of the lesser king, or a sun fragment. GODDAMN IT! I love it when a plan comes together but this seems impossible.”

Buddy: “So did the invasion of Poland, but a Blitzkrieg is what it took. We should aim just as high as those brave men.”

Missy: “I think my father was involved in someway.”

Buddy: “Now yer gettin it! C’mon b***h face w***e dicknose c**t b***h c**t c**t we can do this.”

Missy: “That speech was eggcellent. It was eggzacly what I needed.”

Buddy: “God missy, you CRACK me up.”

Missy: “I didn’t eggspect YOU to make a pun. It was eggceptionally good.”

Buddy: “I can’t eggsplain how I came up with it.”

Missy: “I bet you worked eggstra hard to think of that one.” (Missy and Buddy begin to laugh.)

(Another firefight breaks out, less of a firefight and more of a massacre, a small settlement that had been acting as a orphanage is being attacked by a small group of EU troops, children run and are gunned down. The killing is short but brutal, all the children are laying in puddles of orphan blood and tears.)

Buddy: “I was only laughing because you were. I didn’t actually understand any of the jokes.”

Missy: “Stop being a 9/11 a*****e muslim.” (punches buddy in the gut).

Buddy: “Missy we gotta get you to safety, our PimP will send his homo goon pies after you.”

Missy: “What aboot the plan, how are we gonna get outta here and and beyond withoot the plan.”

Buddy: “We cross that river once we see the carp.”

(Stage fades to black.)

Taxi Man: HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! (Taxi Man is stranded alone in a deserted city. He begins to talk to himself.) Oh someone out there is watching me now, and just laughing. WELL It AIN’T FUNNY SHITEAGLES! (He slumps to the ground.) Not a lot for me to do now. (Pulls a small revolver from his back pocket.) Larshisha, I just want to say I am sorry, oh god LARSHISHA I’M COMIN’ HOME TO YOU! I’M SO SORRY BUT NOW I’M COMING HOME TO YOU DARLING! (begins to chuckle.) Well I bet angels are gonna need a cab. (Laugh track ensues for three straight minutes, at which point he puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trig-nig. The Laugh track continues for another minute with even more laughter.)

(PimP and his Goons walk onto stage)

PimP: Listen my main bitchwhoreslutgirl, Missy, has gonna Awol.

Goon 1: What the slice of pie ya want us to do.

PimP: GIVE that HO a C**T punch SHE ain’t NEVER gonna FORGET!

Goon 2: So we should just punch her in the vagina.

PimP: Oh, no, no, that was a bad idea. How about we just force her to have A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N.

Goon 1: Me and my dog will f**k her until we can use her dead baby’s stem cells to cure cancer.

Goon 2: Let’s do those things we said we’d do now. (The Goons walk off accompanied by a dog.)

(After a three seperate fade to blacks, finally the goons approach Missy and Buddy.)

Goon 1: Let’s go b***h-milk, time for an abortion.

Missy: SUCK A DEFORMED DICK, NOODLE NOSECOCK. I ain’t goin’ nowhere and you can take that the mattress.

Goon 2: We’s wasn’t askin’ child molesting janitor.

Buddy: C’mon now, everybody needs to calm down. (Whips out gun and begins screaming.) AHHHHH, HELP, HELP THIS JANITOR IS MOLESTING CHILDREN AHHH! SOMEONE NEEDS TO HELP THE CHILDREN!

Goon 2: Is that a gun he’s holding?

(Buddy aims his gun at the chest of goon 1)

Buddy: Violence doesn’t determine who is right, all it determines is who’s left after the dust settles and the wounds heal, in the end does it even matter what was right. (Close’s his eyes turns and kills Goon 1.)

Goon 2: I think he’s holding a gun.

(Buddy and Missy flee. Stage fades black. Stage unfades from black and shows Missy and a crying Buddy.)

Buddy: Have you looked into the eyes of a dead man? Have you? Stoic and unliving, like a doll, Like a f*****g doll, a child's plaything. Funny how as terrible as death is every single poor f****r meets the same terrible fate. He hides behind every f*****g corner just waiting to tell you the sad mistake you just made. Ever since my birth I’ve been walkin’ a road, I’ve been trying to make sure I enjoy the walk, that I smell the roses, but a meaningless life is a curse beyond all others, a meaningful death a blessing beyond all others.

Missy: Remember when you raped PimP.

Buddy: Goon 2 is comin’ after us. You go I will try to slow him down.

Missy: KK, I will always love you. You were the only man who ever didn’t take advantage of me.

(Flashback. Missy and German man enter.)

Missy: Can we go shopping? please, oh please.

German Man: nachdem Sie den Festzug zu gewinnen, kaufen wir.

(Flashback ends, Goon 2 and Buddy enter.)

Goon 2: I thought you had a gun?

Buddy: You aren’t gonna get the baby, he’s safe you f*****g sloppy nosejob.

Goon 2: You ready to die?

Buddy: I’m not afraid to dye, give me the rope, time alone with a tree, fearing death is both irrational and unjustified. death won’t keep me from living.

Goon 2: F*****g shut yer dumb face shitpale raccoon.

Buddy: Are you gonna talk or pull the trig- ( Buddy is shot in the chest eighteen times.)

Goon 2: Hand of god placed into the palms of the mortal, an unrelenting devastation, a unyield calamity, in the simple shape of an “L”. (looks down at the gun) is this a nightmare, or is it punishment for all of man’s misdeeds. Either way it must suffice. (Goon 2 pulls a rope from some nearby rubble. walks to a metal tree.) God’s not the only one who knows how to play such games. (proceeds to hang himself.)

ACT 3

SCENE 1

(Missy enters stage alone.)

Missy: Oh dear, This child is gonna be one a those freak thangs. (looks down at her feet.) I lost my shoes again. I need to find a Doctor.

(Jynx Maze enters wearing a sexy a*s Dr’s costume.)

Jynx Maze: I’m a doctor. What do you need.

Missy: Nice sexy a*s Dr’s costume. (Missy and Jynx make out.) So, I got like a living tumor inside of me, what should I do about that.

Jynx Maze: I think I know what might help. (begins playing bass why staring awkwardly at Missy.)

(long description of birth goes here.)

Missy: I NEED EPIDURAL you STUPID YET BEAUTIFUL C**T! ALSO YOU GOT A FANTASTIC CAKE! (Jynx Maze plunges an epidural into the arm of Missy.) OH NO! I am dying I think.

Jynx Maze: Yeah, I think you are, I am a doctor.

Missy: WOW! THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE PAIN UNBELIEVABLY BAD! OH MY GAWD! THIS SHITSIPPING CRAP NOGGIN PAIN AIN’T MLG! YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN FLY BALLZ, I AM DYING NOW, GOODBYE!

Jynx Maze: Ummm, what do you want to name the b***h babe.

Missy: Oh, uhhh, I don’t give a s**t. Let’s f*****g call the babe Buddy, because I really like airbud.

Jynx Maze: KKK, here he is want to hold the lil’ n***a?... do you? Oh yeah, she died. (begins to play bass again. She strips nude and give the co-head writer “Stone Cold” Steve Austin some of her cake. It’s freaking sick.)

EPILOGUE

(Buddy sits alone in a small room with a grandfather clock.)

Buddy: Oh, silly fate. The tick tock of this simple clock, I am the embodiment of what society would mock. Do stars above shine for men, or gods. More likely niether, Stars don’t hold the answers to life, we hold such things within. Destiny lives within. With each choice we mold the clay of destiny. Faustus met the same fate, destiny is a doubled edged blade only to be wielded by gods, it cuts equally as deep the users. If it is nothingness that awaits us, let us make an injustice of it; let us fight against destiny, even though without hope of victory. Although destiny must be wielded, if you fail to take control of your own destiny someone else will for you. The conundrum of free will and destiny has always kept me dangling, but I have made a hard choice and decided free will is overrated, I accept someone has planned this hell on earth, for better or for worse. In the end life is simply reality, you are the god of your world. (Glances at clock.) Ahh, almost time. God conspire against me. By which sweet path thou may'st attain the goal That shall conduct thee to celestial rest! Oh, maybe fate will wait if I simply repent. repent repent. Oh dear me. What sins possess us, they possess us unrelentingly. I wish fate would free me of possession, sadly it will. How is it humanity can understand forever yet we fail to comprehend such idea’s. The slow monotonous process of life ends with no reward, the reward is the journey. Like a clock it slowly ticks tocks, and finally when the clocks breaks I am left terribly alone. (Three men enter.) Ahhh, my guests have arrived, good. I haved called you into my simple study for one reason. One of you is a MURDERER.

Three Men: GASP!

THE END OF THE STORY

Author's Note

Please comment, we need reviews

also note this piece is artful, if you fail to understand then it is your fault

LOVE Claude and Steve

Reviews

[Claude Argentina and "S..]

WOAH! If I wasn't wet before, I am now!!!

[Claude Argentina and "S..]

This is a PURE work of beauty

[Claude Argentina and "S..]

MY GOD, this is genius great job guys, I love it