The Stud

Bob was built like a truck and had a scowl that could curdle milk. When his sixteen-year-old daughter Jasmine told him she had a date tonight, he spent the rest of the afternoon looking in the mirror, practicing his death stare. He wasn't satisfied until the glass cracked.

When the doorbell rang, Bob smiled for the first time in weeks. Showtime.

He reached the front door just as Jasmine was stepping outside.

"Bye, Daddy!"

Bob cleared his throat. "Just a second."

Jasmine froze, going stiff in doorway. A young boy appeared next to her. He wore sunglasses, a leather jacket, and a cocky smirk. Bob hated him immediately.

Bob narrowed his eyes. "Hello," he said in his lowest voice.

"Sup, man." The boy put one hand in his pocket and slid the other around Jasmine's shoulders.

Bob's eye twitched. Oh hell no. He gave the kid his glass-shattering glare.

"You should get that tic looked at."

Bob took a deep breath in. "You're lucky I'm already on probation. What's your name, hotshot?"

"Dean."

"Alright, Dean, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

Jasmine bit her lip, knowing from experience what was about to happen. Bob grinned sadistically.

"Well, sir," Dean said, pulling Jasmine closer to him. "I hope to have your daughter in bed by 10 and home by midnight."

Author's Note

Just another shortie to get back in the swing of things.

Reviews

[Hyacinth]

This is awesome! I love the little things, like Deans arm around his daughter and his subtle remarks. This is amazing.

Also, and ignore this if it's not, but is that Dean the one and only Dean Winchester? The attitude and the leather jacket reminds me of him.

[Jacob Clifford]

I didn't think of this Dean being Dean Winchester, but I can totally see it now. I'm really glad you mentioned that. Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed.

[Yuri Landis]

Wonderful use of imagery and I can't help but love the snide and crass attitude of Dean juxtaposed to Bob's short-tempered and sadistic manner. Also, using a joke as a twist ending is brilliant.

[Jacob Clifford]

Glad you enjoyed it, Yuri. Thanks for reading.

[richieb]

Good story Clifford. Short but it grabs your attention. If you have ever been in Bob's position and I have, you can see yourself in the character. Brings back memories. Great ending line.
Richie b.

[Jacob Clifford]

Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.

[Ashish]

I felt like I was watching a Hollywood movie. the same father-daughter-lover trio with same feelings and expression...HaHa...
Ignore that

Nice work :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Haha, thanks, Ashish.

[ReedWrite]

Very nice.
This has a great deal of imagery evoked...I can see Bob practicing his death stare, and his expression as he sees the kid with his daughter. The ending is great...was not expecting that. Makes me wonder now what Boy might have done. If I'd been Bob, Dean would be talking an octave higher...when he was able to talk again that is. Great piece.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thanks, RW. What happens after the curtain drops is anyone's guess.

[J.M. Wise]

its overall pretty smooth, I just noticed a few minor syntax errors. Maybe try a little more diverse vocabulary without coming off as pretentious, which is a pretty fine line. But you write naturally and that I really dig. The dialogue makes sense and doesn't feel forced.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thanks again. I appreciate your time.

[J.M. Wise]

Nice natural dialogue, seems you are still shaking off rust but not bad

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for reading, JM. In anything in particular, what about this piece struck you as rusty? If there's something I'm skimping on, it would be good to know for future reference.

[J.M. Wise]

My other review was meant to be a comment on this haha

[aLittlePain]

Hi Clifford, this is hella good! Masterful writing smart, crisp, punchy grit.
Bob is awesome and Dean is a cocky little s**t....brilliant. R xo

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much, Ray.

[Samp]

I enjoyed the crisp, punchy style, which I thought well executed, and it drew me in. I felt slightly hanging at the end, slightly unsatisfied; somehow the whole piece didn't quite wrap up as a whole for me. I did find the characterisation to be good, especially considering what was achieved with so few words. Intriguing, enjoyable piece thanks for sharing.

[Jacob Clifford]

I agree; the story absolutely doesn't wrap up nicely. Thank you for reading.

[Bala Gorthi]

Right from the first para to the last word, your shortie is very enjoyable.
It is short, crisp and punching..
Very very well crafted, very very enjoyable write. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Thank you for sharing this one......

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much, Bala. Good to hear.