Shattering

Hope you like it.

The rain is

hitting me

but

I cannot

feel it

 

I am numb

and the tears

of the clouds

join mine

and mingle

 

In a strange

dance of

despair

as the tears bathe

my face

 

Nothing is left

for me

so why is the rain

still falling

falling

 

just like

I was

hitting the ground

and shattering

scattering

 

but if the rain

stops the sun

will come back

retake the

sky, burn

 

the beauty

of the water

off the sidewalk

off my face

into nothing

 

but it will

rain again

shattering beauty

on the ugly

earth

 

and where it

falls, it gives

itself

for the beauty

that will come

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Jadee]

I like the short stanzas and lines. I also love the word choice you've used. Very good overall, I really enjoyed reading it! :)

This is a very sad poem. Such intense emotions expressed. A very bleak outlook to say the least. One nice image you were able to convey is "burn the beauty of the water off the sidewalk." this line alone is very appealing and broadly mimics what the entire poem is trying to convey. This image is very conclusive and concrete. My advice for you would be to stay away from abstractions and focus on capturing concrete images like the one you have so wonderfully portrayed. Stay away from narration and angst driven telling statements, just give the reader the slap, not the explanation of the slap. Thanks.