Ever (Forgotten to Me)

There's this place between sleep and awakening and it tells you things you never knew.

So many minds have thought of
Better lines than surface in my
Exhausted consciousness, no longer
Aware of everything I'm writing out.
This paper is too thin to know
The heart of the person's words.

I try, I know I must because there's
This strange sort of utterance of a
Wonderful soul burning through my
Unaware mind, raging through this
Kind of dreaming world that
I have yet to identify.

Nothing is here, and I don't see
Anything that's happening around
Me and what's going to become and
What's going to end again and again.
I don't know where it comes from, or
If it will stay for a moment.


I still wonder aloud, never being able to say
Everything that I need to say to make this
Real and true and the things you want to hear.
I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want to
Kill with this mouth of mine that runs off
Unaware.

Nothing's going now, nothing's staying in this
Cold mind, how many times it's roamed away
To find a sort of magic only to have it disappear
Before my heart can recall what it was to me
And you and them and just the world that's laying
Still unaware.

If I could just gaze before you and find that place
You've gone to with my heart of words and my mind
Of demons that laugh and haunt and give me this sort
Of freedom you need. You take it away, and I'm left
Still so cold and begging for some warmth from it.

That place has disappeared, never to surface in my
Unaware mind that's gone away, never to haunt my
Soul again, and I find I miss it to an extent, just to
Spite you like I have and die from everything I
Placed on this lost and unaware mind.

Don't see the place, don't know where it could be.
I don't feel like finding it anymore, because it's so
Far and distant and it burns my mind, and hurts this
Heart I claim to have, and you think you know, along
With this tiresome world in this tiresome existence.

Gone and here again, I'm unaware of what's
Happening to their hearts that are just dying
To see and know this thing I speak of to you
In the first place, they just want to be there, with
Me and you, and all of this Hell we can create.

It burns in a wonderful way and visits with
A kind of sweet release to know what I'm
Thinking is as good as what I want to know
And write it down so I do not forget this
Place I'll never find again, because it'll
Just find me in the rain�

And I write this in that place that has
Fire and ice and life and death and so many
Things swirling, merging, wishing and dying
To push through the walls of this Hell
Blocking my thoughts from escaping to the world
They want to visit for just a time.


Maybe, just maybe, it'll come to find me
Again
And maybe, could he see, all the things that
Burn
And freeze like the winter I created on my
Own.
You said you can find this place, and you
Know
Nothing is ever going to be here with me
Ever.

Author's Note

This is mostly from exhaustion. Unfortunately, I seem to write better when I'm fatigued. Why "unfortunately"? I can't always be so tired. Anyway, this is a about a certain place and these certain people who try to steal it from me. It also involves my worries, my dreams, my existence, and this burning fire I just can't seem to find. I was inspired while listening to Rains.
No rhymes, just flows.

Reviews

[Jackie Blissett]

Yes it does flow. I particularly liked the first stanza. You trully know what you're doing. i've been looking through your work, not the novels as i never have enought time to indulge myslef with that pleasure, and I've discovered that you either writev very short poems or incredibly long ones.

The short ones are witty and made me laugh, but this long one lost me a little. Persobnally, i'm not a fan of long poems, but that's just me. I'll keep checking your work for something in the middle..haha

Thanks again for your lovely comments
Jackie