Memoirs of a Villain

Sometimes, you have to feel sorry for the villain.

I admit I’m truly evil. I want to take over the world for evil purposes. To have complete power is my goal, and I’ll stop at nothing to achieve it. Even if that means killing the little protagonists that stand before me, looking up at the throne I sit on.

“Please leave my fortress,” I say in a nonchalant tone.

This seemed to anger the hero. He dons a cape, sword, and shield; the whole nine yards. His companions stand behind him with fierce faces.

“I will not leave until I defeat you!” the hero (whose name escapes my mind) bellows.

Why must these protagonists always feel the need to holler?

“You plan to defeat me with a sword?” I ask, as if talking to a small child, my words slow and deliberate.

“And my magic!” the hero calls.

This kid has got to be kidding me. Yes, kid. He couldn’t be older than ten. He hasn’t even hit puberty yet and he plans on defeating an evil dictator. Who does he think he is?

“Okay, Mr. High-And-Mighty, hit me with your best shot,” I say, spreading my arms and leaving my flank unguarded.

The boy seems confused but takes the opportunity to run at me with his little sword. Before it could even pierce my chest, a magical barrier formed in front of me.

“You are so gullible,” I say with a sigh. “Did you really think I’d let you kill me? Do you think I’m a fool?”

The boy’s ego is wounded, but like all heroes, he isn’t about to give up. No, he is going to fight me even though I have impenetrable defenses just like the idiot he is. When will these protagonists learn from those who have fallen before them?

One of the hero’s companions steps up, a young girl with a bow and arrows. She is most likely the hero’s love interest. She pulls an arrow out of the quiver and infuses her magic with it. Placing it in the bow, she draws it back and shoots. Again, my magic wall deflects the attack.

“That didn’t work when your boyfriend here did it, what made you think it would work when you did it?” I ask, my patience growing thin.

Like every good villain, I let the protagonists take their shots at me: a dark and mysterious boy, a brain-dead God-only-knows-what, and a small animal that thinks it can fly. When they are all finished, I snap my fingers and send them into another dimension.

It will take only a few minutes before the next group arrives...

I wish this would

 

 

 

End.

Author's Note

Something I found while organizing my files. I think it's cute. A satire on fantasy stereotypes. I might make this an entire series, but I don't know yet.

Reviews

[Meredith Leigh]

I thought it was great! I love stories with a hero and a villian. Oddly enough they always leave me in a brighter mood, and this one did just that. Your vocabulary is very extensive, and it serves you well in your poems and stories-as I have noticed, anyway I liked this a lot.

- Kriss

[Drew Wade]

this was fun. I think it's a neat concept. one thing I would say, and please, just take this for what you will- I thought the main character, whoever it was, was the protagonist, and those who stood in his/her way were antagonists, even if they were good.. oh well. I still enjoyed it. good job.