City at the End of The World

Sometimes what you love will Kill you.

City at the End of the World

 

I was introduced to you

Two years least a decade

You showed me how beautiful the world was

I fell in love with you

You stroked me with your gentle breezes

Soft winds whispered siren songs in my ear

The sun warmed my face

You accepted me with open arms

I had never had a home

You opened your doors

 

The porthole to the Pacific

The end of the world as I see her

I walked your streets

Holding conversations with God

 

Something told me to leave you alone

It was my instincts

You made everything so easy

Everything so Golden

The beauty hypnotized me

I was the only one in the world

To see such things

 

I never knew you had a secret

The whispers were lies

The warm sun burned me

The walks turned to zombie like strolls

Instead of praying I begged

 

The ocean turned into a barrier

My screams drown out by waves

My paradise a prison

My dreams ran out of my heads panicked

 

I learned how to suffer

You taught me pain

I was too far to be saved

Like an abused lover I kept coming back

I defended you

I bought into the chamber of congress

Sales pitch

 

I witness a dark side

I saw what you did to the ones you loved

Love hurts

Your love kills

 

Well our time is done

I slapped your hands from my shoulders

I broke your passive aggressive hug

I hate you

I have too

Because I have too

You make me want to stay forever

If I stay

I will die

 

Reviews

[Hawkmoon]

this i s exactly like what they heard Edgar Allen Poe saying as he dropped a Cuckoo Clock off at the Baltimore Pawn Shop

[Valette]

Beautiful and chilling.
I loved it!
The choppy lines give it a sort of internal dialogue that feels natural and keeps up the rhythm throughout the entire piece.

You should enter this one into a contest!

[CREEPER]

so fucken true man,haha what a great write. Hey check out my write "Los Angeles KILLAfornia" tell me what you think.

[Nath]

Home is where the heart feels it is. And hearts aren't too reasonable when it comes to what is really best at times. Home can be heaven and home can be hell, but even when the rose-colored glasses come off, our hearts can still be stuck, and in love with a "devil".
Great poem!

[DRD]

No home is not always home but home is where you feel safe and welcome this poem is all that it could be and more congrats and write on.

[Kena SunGoddess Dawn]

exellent love kills poem...I write many of those. Some of the words you chose stood out, very unique. Such aas this one: the walks turned to zombie like strolls. great word play, send me another request. Thanks.

[Alicia Schroeder]

This is deep and powerful.. What a great message you share in a stong well written peice.. :)

[Moonflower]

This started out very strong, a tidal wave of heartbroken imagery. I think there IS some room for improvement here. With one or two edits, this could become a very well formed poem, I see quite a bit of potential here...and it is already enough to pull you in and want you to read more.
The first four stanza's were going well, beautiful imagery and metaphor, I could understand what you were trying to evoke in the reader, the emotions and story that you were portraying...but after that its like you
trailed off...lost heart a bit and was just trying to end the poem.

I believe that once you are in the right mood, you could come back to this and make it a masterpiece.

This fifth stanza stood out for me, and so I will use this as an example...

"The ocean turned into a barrier
My screams drown out by waves
My paradise a prison
My dreams ran out of my heads panicked"

This could be written, if you so choose, like this

"The ocean became a barrier
My screams, drowned in the waves,
My paradise has become my prison
The dreams in my head, run away"

These are only suggestions, for creating an even greater piece. I apologize if you did not want these, but it was such a good piece that I had to recommend a little bit of editing, not much, mind you.
Nevertheless, beautiful, heart rendering, exceptional. I thoroughly enjoyed your writing. Thanks for sharing.

[Jobyn]

While I'm not too good at interpreting poems, I found this one gave me some powerful images. I have a place in my heart like this, and it hurts me to love it... So I think I can relate.

[Newspaper Skeleton]

"Holding conversations with God"... Love it.