Binded

A story I made for Literacy class.

        Binded                                By: Cody Jenison                                 

My eyes open, and I sit up and look around at the dusty barn I call home. I pull the rag off of me that use to be a blanket then hop off the hay bale that I passed out on last night after I worked. I pull the hay bale away from the rest and grab the watch I hid that I found in the field yesterday it’s 5:47, I put the watch back and slide the hay bale into place and walk over to barn door and pull the cold, rusted handle and walk outside. The cotton Cartersville, Georgia sun is so bright rising in the distance it forces me to close my eyes, I think I could drift off to sleep standing in that moment. I grab my hoe that I left leaning against the barn wall the night before. I start to walk to the cotton plantation field. Then I see Abraham get pushed off of the owners porch,

I instantly drop my hoe and sprint to Abraham, about three-quarters there I trip on a shovel left out overnight and smash into the dewy ground and stumble up right and keep running over to collapsed Abraham. I reach him and roll him over and lift his head so he can breathe better.

“Abraham, are you okay?” I ask, he just groans. Then I hoist him over me and start to walk back to the barn while carrying Abraham. I break into a light jog, because Abraham is pretty light. When I return to the barn I nudge the door open with my foot and climb up to the loft and put him down and hide his body so no one will find him before he wakes up. I walk back outside and close the barn door, then I grab the hoe and go to work. I walk over to the weedy part of the field that I didn’t finish and grab some weeds and swing the hoe and it

cuts the weeds apart and then I stuff them in the rough and beat up burlap sack and I kept doing that for about 2 ½ hours.

I walk over to the plastic garbage container then dump the final sack of weeds in. Then I hear someone shriek loudly and immediately I recognized the scream it was Abraham. I run over to the barn drop the hoe then open the door and Abraham was sitting up.

“Are you okay” I ask while walking in,

“Ya, but i’m pretty sore” Abraham replied

“Are you good enough to work” I said, “I guess” replied Abraham.

“Let’s go then” I said, We walk back outside and get back to work, I hand Abraham the sack and I pick the cotton, I pick off the cotton from the plant and there’s always a leaf or stem on the cotton so I pull the cotton off of the leaf. Then I put it in the sack and move on to the next plant. Picking a whole row could take hours.

“How come you got beat” I asked Abraham while picking the cotton.

“I snuck into John’s house” replied Abraham.

“Why!, why would you sneak into the owner's house you could’ve gotten yourself killed” I said bluntly.

“I wanted to find some bread so we could eat” sniffles Abraham.

“How about when we’re done we can get a drink” I asked.

“Okay!” Abraham said excitedly. About an hour later we finished the row. We walk back to the barn and I open the door and go over to the middle of the barn and the water bucket was empty.

“How” I ask myself “It was full when I left earlier”,

“Let’s go, I have an idea” I told Abraham. Abraham nodded his head. I walk out of the barn and shut the door on the way out, We head to the other barn and I open the door and look for the bucket of water I cup my hands and plunge them into the water then drink out of my hands. Then Chris runs in grabs my shoulder and punches me in the nose and blood starts running down my face.

“You do not barge into my barn and drink my water you worthless human being’s” shouts Chris,

“I’m sorry” I mutter.

“You’re gonna be” Chris says. All the sudden Chris falls on top of me, I roll out from under him and see Abraham holding a hoe.

“Run” Abraham yells. I jump up and run out of the barn with Abraham, we reach the barn and I shut the door and put the hoe in the barn door handle to jam it.

“Phew” says Abraham,

“You got that right” I agree.

“I have a very risky idea” I tell Abraham as I start walking towards our barn,

“What is it!” Abraham yells as he’s running to catch up to me.

“Just stay here, and give me your pail” I say, Abraham hands me the pail as I walk out the door, I break into a quick jog, running to the owner's yard. I finally get there and crouch behind the bushes and I catch something in the corner of my eye and look over and see Abraham. I crawl inside of the bush and come out the other side and crouch and sprint at the same time and kneel down by the owners well and start to shovel water out of the filled to the brimwell then when both of the pails are full I dart out of the yard tilting side to side trying not to spill any of the water. When I get to the barn Abraham comes running out of his hiding spot after me. “I can’t believe you just did that” Abraham squeals.

“Yeah, me neither” I groan realizing the trouble I could get into. I pull open the barn door and Chris is gone, so I walk over to a hay bale and let Abraham drink.

When we finish drinking all of the water, I put the bucket at the refill spot where it would be refilled tomorrow morning. I turn around and close the barn door then climb onto the loft and sit next to Abraham.

“Rough day, huh.” I say. Abraham didn’t answer. I look at his face and see that he is sleeping. I climb half way down the ladder of the loft and and as I set my foot on the next step it breaks and I almost fall hanging on a step a few steps above the collapsed one. I quickly reach up with my dangling arm and hold on with both hands and it shifts my weight and then all of the sudden the step I was holding on to breaks and I fall onto the cement

ground throwing dust in the air from the wind I created by falling. I sit up coughing, then I pick myself up and walk as I step with my left leg I collapse, pain surges through my calf all the way up to my thigh. I stand up again this time limping my way to my hay bale and I stick my arm between the bales and grab the watch. It was 7:39pm, I put it back then limp to the barn door and walk behind it to the outhouse to use the restroom. I finish then walk back I get to the door and I grab the handle and I howl in pain as my hand gets burned. I take off my shirt and ball it up in my and and open the door even though it still burns. The barn was just engulfed in flames. I hear Abraham scream, I rush in and climb on the emergency generator for the fan, I jump the farthest I can and land on the wooden railing for the loft and the railing breaks and I grab onto the floor of the loft. I hear the bolts creaking and popping out because the railing was also a support. The loft collapses. I get up off the searing ground and yell

“Abraham, where are you!!!”,

“Here” says a weak voice. I run over and pull off a wooden beam that was trapping Abraham and I hoist him on my shoulders and run outside.

The cold wind almost stings as I stumble to the moist ground.

“I’ll be right back.” I tell Abraham I get up and go around the barn and in the corner of my I see a shadowy figure lurking towards me and it jumps on me and we roll and I end up on top so I run away

“NO!” yells Chris. Of course I say in my head as he grabs one of my ankles and I slam my free foot on his hand. I get free and run while Chris is rubbing his hand, I round the corner

“GO!”. I yell to Abraham, we run to the fence and watch as the owner and many slaves trying to put the fire out.

“This is our chance to escape” I say “let's do it” Abraham replies. I lift Abraham over the fence, then I jump it.

“Go, go, go” I say running across the dark plains with Abraham.

“We just have to make it across to the forest” I whisper loudly. We rush into the forest. I turn around and see the flicker of fire in the distance.

“we actually made it” I realize. I wave Abraham over to a tree and I sit down leaning against the tree. Abraham sits on the next one, I see his eyes start to droop and so do mine. I wake up to a beautiful morning and I grab my watch out of my pocket, 8:03, I shake Abrahams shoulders.

“Huh?” Abraham asks wearily, “Let’s go” I say. I start to walk and wonder when the other slaves will notice our disappearance from the field or if the rest of them already know.

“We should go now” I say to Abraham,

“Ok” Abraham replies simply.

“So how did you get your name” Abraham says out of nowhere.

“I made it up” I reply.

“How come?” Abraham questions.

“My parents died before I had a name” I tell him.

“Why the name, Daniel?” Abraham says,

“I thought  is was cool” I answer.

“I made mine up too, because I was sold away from where my parents worked when I was young, and I named it after Abraham Lincoln, since he is trying to help us so bad.” says Abraham,

“Cool” I say back.

“We should go that way” I direct,

“Ok, why?” asks Abraham,

“I don’t know, gut feeling, I guess”. I start walking and Abraham follows,

“I heard that on the underground railroad the safe houses always keep lit lanterns as a sign to come” I notify Abraham. We keep walking for a few days eating rabbits and bugs or anything we could find, until we hit the next town.

“Get down” I whisper. I put my hand out signaling Abraham to stay, there was a sign that said “Welcome to Ringgold”. I wave for Abraham to come to me, he jogs over. I point to a ladder of a pretty tall building, I crouch sprint for the building. When I reach it Abraham arrives a few seconds later, I start climbing the ladder and so does Abraham, we get to the top. I look at the town, I see a man with a horse and the confederate flag on the horse's side. He has to be a slave hunter I thought,

“Let’s go” I say quietly, Abraham nods. I climb down, I look down and see the man aiming his gun at us. A bullet goes right past us unannounced and ricocheted off the metal ladder grazing my shoe. I climb down really fast and jump a few steps to the ground, Abraham did the same. We start running back to the forest and a few minutes later of non-stop running we come across a house with lit lanterns. Abraham gasps, I slam on the door.

Someone walks to the door and opens it.

“Come in” whispers a tall, medium sized, white woman says. I step in and so does Abraham. The lady closes the door,

“He’s coming” I alarm, She nods then starts walking towards a bookcase. A hidden room behind a bookcase I thought. She pushes the bookcase away and kicks away the rug that was under it and pulls on the wooden floor tile and it reveals a secret room.

“Whoa” says Abraham breathlessly. We go in and the lady closes it and puts everything back into place. The door is knocked on, a long pause and then we hear a loud yell from a man then a gunshot and a sound like someone hit the ground. The lady screams and another gunshot goes off and then silence, something hit my arm, a drop of blood. The person leaves and the door closes, I try to push the trap door but it would not budge. Light floods the room, i wince at the blinding light. Abraham walks out the mini-door on the opposite side of the room. I go outside, I made it again, somehow, I tell myself.

As Abraham and I were walking by some more wooded areas we hear a loud bang, a gunshot,

“It has to be the hunter!” I say,

“GO!” I yell to Abraham. We run through the woods and then I fall because of my injured foot. Gunshots were going off everywhere, I stand and start running Abraham suddenly stops by a clearing, I stand next to him gazing into the would be beautiful circle clearing of the forest with tears in my eyes. Blood and corpses everywhere, “were in the middle of a war battle” I say with no emotion.

“RUN” shrieks Abraham, We run into the clearing having to hurtle dead bodies, then a Confederate, probably the same age as me, steps out from behind the trees aiming at me, he shoots. I didn’t feel anything, Abraham falls over. I look down his blood staining the grass, I grab a musket that was on the ground, I walk over to the Confederate who looked like he was in shock, I stab him in the stomach and he falls over, then then I stab his arms and legs. I didn’t want to kill the boy I just couldn’t control my body, and then I walk over to Abraham, kneel down next to him rip his shirt to see his wound. It was bad, tears well up in my eye’s and land on Abraham’s face,

“Don’t cry, Daniel” says Abraham using his dying breath, “See ya later, good friend” I sniffle I place my fingers on his eye lids and close them.

Author's Note

Give me any kind of feedback

Reviews

[JayG]

Look at the first paragraph. It's a series of declarative sentence of the form, "This happened...then I did...then I pulled...then I saw..."

It's a list of the events the reader would see were they watching a film. But is learning the fact of something happening the same as seeing it?

You know whose skin we're wearing, and everything about him as you read. You know where we are in time and space, and what's going on. So because you can hear the voice of the narrator—your voice—as you read the words they're filled with emotion. For what the reader gets, aside from a list of events, have your computer read it aloud. I think you'll find that it's nothing like what you hear when you read.

The problem isn't that you're making a mistake, or good/bad writing. And you probably got a good grade for it. The problem is that we, and our teachers, too, think we're learning to write in our schooldays, and that since writing-is-writing, what we need for fiction is a knack for storytelling, a good story idea, and a bit of luck.

If only.

Think about WHY we have public education. It was instituted at the beginning of the industrial revolution because employers needed a pool of potential employees who had a useful and predictable set of general skills. In short, the three R's: reading, writing, and 'rithmetic. It's been expanded over the years to include other things a self-supporting adult might need, but the needs of business still dominate. Remember all the reports and essays? They were to give you skill in the kind of fact-based and author-centric writing that employers require: nonfiction. And since your teachers learned their writing skills in the same classrooms they judge your few fiction writing assignments with their own nonfiction skill-set

But the writing you did is intended to inform, so fact and event are king. And it's what you provided, a concise and accurate report of a series of events in the life of a fictional character.

But why do we read fiction? First and foremost, to be entertained. We want the writing to create an emotional response within us. And a report format can't do that any more than a history book can because a report explains, where fiction creates a sense of uncertainty. Both we, and the protagonist are unsure of what will happen, and if the plans we make will work. That takes an emotion-based approach that's character, not author-centric.

Look at the opening before your character leaves the barn. Eliminate everything that doesn't set the scene meaningfully, develop character meanfully, or move the plot.

1. He wakes.
Everyone wakes every day, so why bother mentioning it? Mention him stepping into early morning sunshine as he leaves the barn and we know where he is and what time it is.

2. He uncovers himself.
We all do that. And we don't yet know he's a slave, or even the temperature, so mentioning that the blanket sucks is meaningless to the reader, and serves only to slow the narrative.

3. I pull the hay bale away from the rest and grab the watch I hid that I found...
Why do we care that someone we know nothing about, even to gender and age, found a watch the previous day? Perhaps if he stopped to admire it, and gave us a sense of its importance to him it might be worth a mention. But as presented.

Nothing that happens in the barn matters to the story. It, and part of the next section could be replaced with:
- - - - - - -
Yawning and blinking at the Georgia sun peeking over the horizon, I wished I could go back to my pallet in the barn's loft. But the master would use the cat on me if I wasn't weeding by the time he finished breakfast, so I picked up my hoe, sighed, and headed for the cotton field.

I'd gotten no more than ten steps when a shout of pain pulled my head around in time to see Abraham in mid air and heading for the dirt in front of the main house.
- - - - - -
Look at the difference. In a little more than half the number of words we learn that he's a slave, that it's morning, and he must begin work at sunup. We learn where he sleeps, and the punishment for disobedience. And, we learn that Abraham is in trouble. And of most importance, we learn it as-our-protagonist-experiences-it, in real-time rather than from someone not on the scene talking about events in their past.

I used a trick, of course. It's part of the many tricks of the trade of writing fiction—this one called motivation/response units—where we learn what has the protagonist's attention, their response to it, and what THEY decide to do. That gives the illusion that time is passing as we read. And knowing what matters to the protagonist, and what they decide to do, we'll have our own opinion of it being a good or bad idea, and will WANT to read on to see if we're right. in short: a hook.

You can learn more about that particular trick, one of many in the book the article was condensed from, here:
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php

It's well worth the time spent chewing on it till it makes sense, because it's one method of placing the reader into the story as a participant. Done well, it has the power to maker the reader flinch if someone swings at our protagonist.

You might want to dig around in the writing articles in my blog. There are some stories there, too, to show the effect of the various things mentioned in the articles.

But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Cody15]

Thank you for the feedback! i'll definitely check out some of your writing, sorry for getting back to this so late.