A Lily In Rain

A Lily In Rain

A Poem by William Liston
"

unmetered rhyming piece with a simple rhyme scheme

"

There's a lily on the ground
that shines when it rains.
There's a blossoming rose
in a heart full of pains;

and believe it or not,
in times most vile,
there's a way for your tears
to gleam in a smile!







© 2017 William Liston



Author's Note

William Liston
Please give honest feedback. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

My Review

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Featured Review

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I was attracted to the lily image which is often a symbol of purity.

CONTENT AND FORMAT

The lily symbolizes the speaker's heart; it is fragile and innocent. Nearby, a rose is compared to the lily. In contrast, the rose is filled with scorn, pain, and sadness. Color symbolism is prominent throughout. White equates to purity while red is associated with passion and anger. These are two sides of the same heart; a yin yang. The speaker concludes with a sense of hope and longing. It is refreshing to see a young man pick himself up after harrowing experience. Maturity reflects who the poet is as a person.

SUGGESTIONS AND OBSERVATIONS

The format is simple yet effective with the rhyme scheme. However, I think the image of a rose is overused to depict love so I am unsure if I like this image or not. It is often used in sappy romantic poetry and prose. There is vague clues as to where the pain is coming from.

Is the rose full of pain because of heartbreak, loss of a loved one, or something else?

I suggest either selecting a different image or give more clues as to where this pain is originating. It will add to the poem, in my opinion.

This is more so an observation and me nitpicking since I try to avoid generalizations or cliches. Please dismiss this critique if you want to keep it the same.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I enjoyed this read. You are a talented and intelligent writer. I have read in your autobiography that you are 15 years old, and it is refreshing to see that you are an avid reader. This shows in your writing through wisdom and maturity. Thank you for sharing! I hope my suggestions help.

sincerely,
ria

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

1 Year Ago

Your review was definitely helpful, Ria, and I liked how it addressed a concern I mentioned in the a.. read more
Vria P Crow

1 Year Ago

I read the rose as a symbol of the heart. Thank you for the clarification. :) Readers will have th.. read more
William Liston

1 Year Ago

No problem



Reviews

There's always a light in darkness! Love the message, love the imagery, and impressed by the brevity. Brilliant!

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much!
Simple, sweet and beautifully inspirational! Well done! :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

8 Months Ago

Thank you.
I understood this poem completely. And I enjoyed reading very much. To me it's like a silver lining in every negative. Thanks for sharing. Well done!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

8 Months Ago

Thank you Paul. I'm glad you enjoyed.
Paul

8 Months Ago

My pleasure.
It was an inspiring poem. Loved it.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

9 Months Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.
Najam Us Saher

9 Months Ago

You're welcome ☺
Even in the darkest of times, when it seems that there is no brightness at all, there shines a little light- the light of hope. That's the overall message I got from this short, but sweet poem. I think that this poem flowed well and that it was communicated perfectly to the reader. Great Job! I'll have to remember this poem for when I'm feeling down. :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asir Y.R

11 Months Ago

yea i kno i checked it out :)
William Liston

11 Months Ago

I also replied to your comment on my other blog post.
Asir Y.R

11 Months Ago

oh ok im bout to check it out :)
It was very understandable and flowed nicely. I liked the word choices you made to make it more simple and straightforward. I think the length was perfect for the message. I also think you did a fine job at communicating with the reader on a level that can be easily understood by everyone. I like the message here!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

1 Year Ago

I'm glad you liked the message. Thanks for reviewing.
Captured perfectly William. Even in darkness, there is hope that can shine. So yes, this piece fits inspiration perfectly.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

1 Year Ago

Your words are true, Nemo. I appreciate your review.
Lorry.

1 Year Ago

You're welcome William.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I was attracted to the lily image which is often a symbol of purity.

CONTENT AND FORMAT

The lily symbolizes the speaker's heart; it is fragile and innocent. Nearby, a rose is compared to the lily. In contrast, the rose is filled with scorn, pain, and sadness. Color symbolism is prominent throughout. White equates to purity while red is associated with passion and anger. These are two sides of the same heart; a yin yang. The speaker concludes with a sense of hope and longing. It is refreshing to see a young man pick himself up after harrowing experience. Maturity reflects who the poet is as a person.

SUGGESTIONS AND OBSERVATIONS

The format is simple yet effective with the rhyme scheme. However, I think the image of a rose is overused to depict love so I am unsure if I like this image or not. It is often used in sappy romantic poetry and prose. There is vague clues as to where the pain is coming from.

Is the rose full of pain because of heartbreak, loss of a loved one, or something else?

I suggest either selecting a different image or give more clues as to where this pain is originating. It will add to the poem, in my opinion.

This is more so an observation and me nitpicking since I try to avoid generalizations or cliches. Please dismiss this critique if you want to keep it the same.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I enjoyed this read. You are a talented and intelligent writer. I have read in your autobiography that you are 15 years old, and it is refreshing to see that you are an avid reader. This shows in your writing through wisdom and maturity. Thank you for sharing! I hope my suggestions help.

sincerely,
ria

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

1 Year Ago

Your review was definitely helpful, Ria, and I liked how it addressed a concern I mentioned in the a.. read more
Vria P Crow

1 Year Ago

I read the rose as a symbol of the heart. Thank you for the clarification. :) Readers will have th.. read more
William Liston

1 Year Ago

No problem
A amazing poem my friend. Create beauty and thoughts with your good words.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

1 Year Ago

Thank you.
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You are welcome William.
Master-piece ! I love the last part .

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

1 Year Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.

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757 Views
17 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 29, 2016
Last Updated on July 27, 2017
Tags: flowers, lily, heart, pain, rose, tears

Author

William Liston
William Liston

About
Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code I'm an amateur poet who's been writing for about three and a half years. Some of my influences include Edgar Alla.. more..

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