I Fall and Cry

I Fall and Cry

A Poem by William Liston
"

a major re-write of a year-old piece

"


While reading through some of my older works the other day, I decided to rewrite this piece entitled "I Fall and Cry" (formerly titled "And So I Cry"). This was one of the first poems I posted on WC over a year ago. The version right below is the rewritten version; the version below that is the original, written in either the spring or summer of 2016. Please share which you enjoyed more. Thanks for reading!  


Each morning holds its tearful streams, 

each night, a noxious pain 

that haunts my mind within its dreams 

it pours its bitter rain. 

Entrapped within a hardened cage 

with wings too bruised to fly, 

my chapter's but a weeping page; 

therefore, I fall and cry. 

 

My joy is but a falling star, 

a transient delight 

that beams to life its pearly bar 

within the silent night; 

but darkness nears again to breathe 

its ever-lasting sigh. 

Again, my broken life must seethe ... 

therefore, I fall and cry. 

 

Today, I wake to see your face

you weave me in your spell. 

Your smile, it drips with honeyed grace, 

uplifting me from hell. 

You twirl my heart within your touch 

until it spins in bliss; 

then, hold me tight within your clutch 

to feel your warming kiss. 

 

While all the world's a clam'rous noise, 

you hum with notes serene 

that let the seeds of Earth rejoice 

within their vibrant scene. 

Your heartbeat lifts each wounded wing 

until they meet the sky. 

For you, my inner bird must sing; 

therefore, My Dear, I cry. 


---------------------------------


Another tear, another day. 

Another time of my dismay. 

Stuck in this cage. 

Why can't I fly? 

No hope at all, 

and so I cry. 

 

Another tear that haunts me so. 

Another smile that sadly must go. 

Why must joy inevitably flee 

flee to a place I cannot be? 

Despite desire of feeling bliss, 

there's pain and waning happiness 

that smother light. These clouded days 

sadly seem to serve as my fate. 

And through it all, 

I slowly die 

and feel my failure, 

and so I cry 

 

Another time, I see your face 

the brightening glow of your compassion and grace, 

the comforting warmth of your embrace 

and oh, the smiles they always make. 

Amid my tears, this feeling weak, 

I feel your hand upon my cheek. 

Your voice then speaks, "I love you dear." 

And suddenly, I let go of my fears. 

 

It's beautiful how your soft touch, 

your delicate eyes and words of wise, 

your tenuous ways and cathartic hugs 

always give me so much love. 

And this gift of yours  

you've shared with me 

through many solemn times. 

I feel so loved when staring at you, 

and so, my dear, I cry. 



© 2017 William Liston



Author's Note

William Liston
Please leave an honest review. Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged.

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Featured Review

wooaw ! I really love both of the versions ! it's hard to say which one is better , But It's obvious that the second part is more mature , it's like you used few words to express a lot of emotions while in the 1st you expressed all your emotions freely . Well done in Both !

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words, Jess : )
Much appreciated!
Black Jess

4 Months Ago

For nothing Will



Reviews

' .but darkness nears again to breathe ~ its ever-lasting sigh. ~ Again, my broken life must seethe ~ therefore, I fall and cry. '.

The effort and time put in your first version shows its face more than well; tis carefully writ, its language finely put, heart displayed but is more formal, more traditional.. the beat of its drum is gentle, maybe just a little too much.

But, but, BUT William.. you wear that second version like an adored sweater, a creature comfort. It's you, smooth and emotionally aware.. not a creation but a shared show of how you feel, are.. how love has captured you and enraptured you, effortlessly. Love it

'.. t's beautiful how your soft touch, ~ your delicate eyes and words of wise, ~ your tenuous ways and cathartic hugs ~ always give me so much love. '

Posted 1 Month Ago


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mum
the re written one is breath taking!!!! love the flow and rhyme! Brilliant work.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
William Liston

3 Months Ago

Thank you for stopping by! I'm glad you could enjoy the re-write. I, too, believe that the rhythm, r.. read more
I think you did a great job. It's never too late to build upon what we have previously built.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Wise words Levi ...
Thank you for reviewing.
William,
I enjoyed both versions but the second write appears more tight and mature. I can feel your pain and joy and that stimulates feelings of the past. When you and any writer can take the reader on a journey then the work becomes personal.
You have the gift of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Your writing will only get deeper and more satisfying.
Peace,
Richie b.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words, Richie. It's always a treat when you stop by and review my poems. You.. read more
Definitely the rewritten version. ( In my opinion) I guess I like the flow better..and quite frankly, the wording. I like the "mysterious feeling" from the rewritten version.
"my chapter's but a weeping page;
therefore, I fall and cry". WOW...got me, hook, line & sinker!...loving this!...This is truly a beautiful write..thank you!!


Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Thank YOU, Susan, for your kind words on this piece. I'm glad to know that you enjoyed.
Wow. I can really see how your style has grown and been honed in the time between these poems. That is not to say the original is bad, but the rewrite is so much more fluid and refined. It has a great rhythm, strong rhyme scheme, and is laced with the flair of a hopeless romantic. Smart structuring as well. Very effective to have the first two verses about "before" your love and the second two so grateful with your love. This gives weight to the thankfulness the subject feels and makes it feel quite genuine.

Favorite line: "my chapter's but a weeping page"

Well done!

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Thank you for your in-depth review, Gaia. I agree with everything you've said, and am glad you could.. read more
I loved the both. To be frank William, the re written piece showed refined feelings to me and pleasing to the soul loving aesthetics whereas the first one was raw and original so more touching to heart. The second piece shows more maturity and depth.
Thank you for sharing both

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind review, Bala.
Yes, I can understand every bit of your commentary on h.. read more
Bala Gorthi

4 Months Ago

The pleasure of reading and knowing you is mine.
wooaw ! I really love both of the versions ! it's hard to say which one is better , But It's obvious that the second part is more mature , it's like you used few words to express a lot of emotions while in the 1st you expressed all your emotions freely . Well done in Both !

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words, Jess : )
Much appreciated!
Black Jess

4 Months Ago

For nothing Will
(applauds) First of all, I must say how much of an honour it is to have such a brilliant poet want me to review his stunning work. Thank you, William. :D

I personally think the rewrite is the better one. It has more depth to it. The original is a great poem for going back to for reference. :) Brilliant job, William.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

5 Months Ago

Let me say to you, Raven, how honored I am to have a brilliant poet review my work ... your words ar.. read more
Raven Moonchild

5 Months Ago

And thank you for sharing your amazing work. :D
I think there does seem a maturity in your write when I compare from then and now. While you more emphasized on the rhyming in the earlier version, the rewritten version comes off as more thoughtful in the sense of metaphor usage plus the flow in it is more unforced (but that is how I feel)
The change in repetition is again a good one and I like it better in the rewritten version.

I enjoyed the imagery in your piece. You did a good job in rewriting it, William :)

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

5 Months Ago

Thanks for pointing out that typo, Yumna.
Thank you too for your kind words and analysis of b.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

5 Months Ago

You're welcome. Always a pleasure reading your writes 😊

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15 Reviews
Added on July 13, 2017
Last Updated on July 14, 2017
Tags: rhyme, rhythm, meter, cry

Author

William Liston
William Liston

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Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code I'm an amateur poet who's been writing for about three and a half years. Some of my influences include Edgar Alla.. more..

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