Remain

This is an unfinished poem...

I close my eyes and

dream of thee

 

In far off lands and

on the sea

 

Days are short and

nights are long

 

Through it all you are

a constant song

 

Calling out through the

fiercest gale

 

We remain united our

love never fail

Author's Note

Unfinished and would love some advice.

Reviews

[Michael X]

a vision of united in understanding expressed as romantic winds,
such a beautiful gale of thought, the reader can taste the salty open air,
and two lovers entwined, the magic of this poem is its feature in
essence, the way you speak a multitude with but a few choice words
compared to the amazing imagery that s composed, i say composed
because the details are like notes as to how the entire vision comes
together in flow and senses, a real treat, i loved it, stunningly poetic

[Captain Savage]

untitled and unfinished
a good start with thee
where this goes hopefully we will see


Any way putting some poetry in the reply using what you built on. Though one suggestion on this part,

"In far off lands and
on the sea"

the "and on the sea" part to me doesn't seem to flow well. Too wordy I suppose would be the way to describe it. Take out "the", and make it "in far off lands and on sea"

that's all for now, since that's all you've given me so far. This could turn into a good piece of piretry yet

Captain Savage