Deception.

This poem is a product of pondering over differences in age and life in a relationship. An affectionate relationship where a person is a radiating joyous person and the other cautious and composed.

Some days I feel so much older than you,
I reflect an image of skies,
While you are composed of clouds.
My tired wide eyes watch you leap,
Run, and run, and laugh.
You still squint under sun's yearning,
And that's when I rejoice my age.

Some days I feel so much older than you,
When I watch your reckless youth,
Your fingertips lust to be felt,
Your lips starve for adventures,
You don't shield yourself in rains,
You have stories, lived and narrated.

Some days I feel so much older than you,
Although chronology favours you.
My cinnamon scent explodes with your roses,
Winter harvest extends till rains.

But when I see you bask under the spirit of thrill,
My youth walks with you,
And placidly creates archaic longings,
Then I do not really feel older than you.

Author's Note

Well, my punctuation tends to be a bit authentic in nature and my metaphors complex (I've been told so). Besides that, I would adore a genuine criticism. This is one of my recent works and my first work that I am publishing here. Thank you.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Ah, Kajal!
Playful, visually alive with a poetic voice all its own, this is wondrously, magically, captivating to the imagination and senses, Dear Poetess.
As an incurable fan of romance, love, and sensuality, I am particularly drawn into you, into the ambience of your charming, original metaphor … into the creative moments' flow of your words, lines, and verses, as excellent poetry should posses the power over its smitten reader.
Every verse has a vibrant heartbeat of its own, and I particularly enjoy your introduction, taking us from an experienced, older-feeling, rejoicing observer (vast as the sky itself), to the youthful, playful cloud-like object of your affection.
Anytime, a poet (of your obvious skill) combines Nature, with the emotions of colour, aroma, touch, and sensation, a masterpiece is bound to be born … as yours here is. I could address every word, line, and verse, but I'm more than sure you've better to do than listen to an enthralled bard's amorous ramblings, eh? : )

Please, let it suffice to say, "I dearly love this … and, I most warmly thank you for such a lovely treat, Kajal!" ⁓ Richard

[Crimson_ish]

Richard,
It's the bard's amorous ramblings that keep the spirit of poesy and art alive! Thank you for such an detailed and amazing review, I can assure you I've been violently smiling and blushing while reading your review. I wish someday to achieve the level of poetical talents that you possess, thank you for such motivating words :)

I am full awe and thankful for this review, thank you for loving my poetry :)

[Richard🖌]

Oh, Kajal,
What's not to love about your poetry … obviously, overflowing from a wondrous mind, heart, and soul capable of such rare, original poetic brilliance.
As for You one day achieving My possessed level of poetic talents — in meaningful ways, you've already exceeded them … much to my pleasure.
Thank you for accepting and allowing my exuberance from your excellent poetry to gift you smiles and blushes. : )
For my loving your poetry, Kajal, you are warmly welcome, and I thank You for my love of it, as-well, Dear Poetess! ⁓ RJ

[Crimson_ish]

Haha, I haven't exceeded them, thank you again for your charming words :)

[Inject Positivity]

oh the words!!! gosh your words are amazing... the imagery was so good to feel and i can honestly visualize it in my mind... phrases like 'reckless youth' , 'fingertips lust', 'cinnamon scent' and 'archaic longings' gave power to the poem... i was walking on your poetry street and witnessing your creative thoughts.... awesome.... full ratings my dear poetess....

[Crimson_ish]

OH! you flatter me yet again! Thank you for just lovely, heartfelt words :) seriously! I am glad you enjoyed the poem and I am especially happy that you walked alongside me in it :)

[Inject Positivity]

you are welcome, your poetry world seems to me very well maintained...

[mattavelli]

Hi, I enjoyed reading this. Its thoughtful and put together well. One thing threw it off:
"My tired wide eyes watch you leap,
Run, and run, and laugh." - these actions don't jive well with clouds. Upon reading these lines, your sky/cloud concept disappeared from my mind. The stanza left me with, "ok, so you don't wear sunglasses". I suggest your cloud do things like drift, thunder, or burst... for the sake of readers like me.
My favorite line: "My cinnamon scent explodes with your roses"
Have fun, matt

[Crimson_ish]

Thank you so much for your review, Matt! This is really helpful, I'll pay attention to my little verbs! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem! :) Thank you again, I appreciate this.

[mattavelli]

My pleasure :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing use of the language and thoughts.
"Although chronology favours you.
My cinnamon scent explodes with your roses,
Winter harvest extends till rains."
The above lines stood out for me. Create nice visions and thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Crimson_ish]

Thank you so much! I am flattered and in awe! I'm glad the writing moved you. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I love words. The words were alive and well in the poem and you are welcome.