Time Limit

a single sentence for a contest on this site

White magnolia petals falling on the chess table: black sacrifices his queen.

Reviews

[Entity Sylvir]

Ooh, lovely.

Being a chess player, I got it straight away. And for that reason the actual word "chess" seemed a bit gratuitous, but I get why you put it there.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Thanks, this was the initial form:
http://cristinamonicamoldoveanu.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/time-limit/

[Entity Sylvir]

Hmmm, I think I may prefer the original. "White cherry tree" is such a lovely phrase.

[Archia]

I'm not sure I really get this, actually I know there's a lot about that that I don't understand. I'm sure that there is some metaphor in this, or a few metaphors but I can't seem to find it. I keep rereading this, trying to figure out what the colours represent, but I'm just not sure. And the 'his' is a bit of a thinker for me. Is it a metaphor about his wife? and innocence and purity or something like that? I'm just throwing things out there now. Saying all that I still enjoyed trying to figure it out, even if I haven't come to a solution. I feel that this can be quite ambiguous.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

I could not realize that chess terms are so unknown for the readers. In my language and in English too, "black" and "white" are in use for explaining the chess moves in a chess game. I believed it was known by everyone because chess is popular and it is logical for you to you say "Black moves his pawn for example", I also found in wikipedia and everywhere else the same way of designating the players, in order to avoid naming them or saying "the player with black pieces " which would have been too long. Also everywhere in the world there are chess tables outside, in the parks, etc.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

I added the word "chess" in my sentence to make it more clear.

[Archia]

Oh I understand how people say that in chess, without the chess I had presumed that was what it was talking about. It's just the meaning, is this a metaphor, or is it just describing what it says? That was what confused me.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

And about the metaphors...there might be some, but it is up to the reader to find his own insight. For example I was thinking about the white petals falling (I am used with the white variety of cherries in my garden), overwhelming the chess table, falling among chess pieces. In order to make the opponent lose his pieces, black makes a sacrifice, his queen, a very important piece in chess, he gives her queen as a sort of bait to the other player. And also the tree losing white flowers becomes more "black" (the branches). The tree itself is like a queen.
Thanks for letting me know that it seemed ambiguous. I will make another change, writing white magnolia instead of white cherry, maybe magnolias are more common for others.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

I hope now the meaning is more obvious, I made the final changes.

[Archia]

Thank you for explaining that to me, now that I know I like this a lot more. I know that I can take from it what I may. And with the magnolia, I don't think you need to change it to that, I actually don't think it makes a difference, but do what you want. Thanks.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

BTW - it could have been snow, this is why I added the image.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

And my final explanation :) Time limit is another chess term, used in tournaments or games where the players have to make their move in a short time, stated at he beginning of the game. There are clocks (chronometers) and here in my title I was making an allusion to the ephemerality, short-living white flowers, a meaning included in the sentence itself. White pieces fall like white petals on the table, black made his sacrifice in order to win. Other meanings, like the loss of innocence are up to the reader, I think that if a short poem can create other meanings it is a good things, this is what I was taught while learning haiku rules and aesthetics. Anyway everything passes, even black things. Hoping the readers will excuse my too long explanations.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

and my typos too...it seems that today I was too boisterous :)

[Archia]

I must admit, I actually have enjoyed reading your explanations, I like seeing what you mean by it, and I must thank you for doing so. It's odd how much really can come from one line at times. Those are what I like the best, things that say the most in the shortest space.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Many thanks.

[Marie]

I see this--red, black, white. Unique.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Pardon me for asking: red is for the time limit?

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

or for the sacrifice?

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

or for the squares?

[Marie]

for the cherries