The Three: Execution

This is an draft

        One day the three came to the town of Tragaiodia. They were Wisdom, Instinct and Intelligence. On this day, they discovered that an execution was to take place.

        “An eye for an eye” said Instinct.

        “A man beheaded for the murder of an innocent man. Seems Fair” Intelligence said.

        Wisdom replied “No man is truly innocent. Come let us witness this event.”

        The three watched as the head rolled off into a bucket. The loud clean chop followed by a bouncing thud and a chorus of gasps was sound sufficient evidence of a well practiced hand. It was then that most cheered. It was then that a few stood sick and fewer still showed it. Instinct commented
         “Justice is served and all those who bare witness now understand the consequences of their actions”.

        Intelligence folded his arms, and lowered his head. “I'm not sure. It wasn't until I saw his face, shocked and distance as it fell, that I realized he was innocent. Knowing he couldn't have been the murder.”

        “How is it that you know?” Wisdom asked
         “I had drinks with him when we passed through Eiponeta last week.”

        “I see.” Wisdom said as he also lowered his head. “It seems that I was wrong. Apparently some men are innocent.
         With that the three gather their supplies and take to the road again.

Author's Note

I'm experimenting with expanding the way I write these short stories. This is more of a draft, I might end up editing it down and changing the way it plays out but for now here it is. Would like comments on likes and dislikes between the styles I did for this one and my previous ones.

Reviews

[Marie]

I would not cut the "One day"; it fits the story. Obviously you neeed to do some polishing, but the story as a whole is good work. It reads like a fable, which seems to have been your intent.

[Scott W. Martin]

-> to absorb21

Actually I was going to remove "One day." while writing it but I had started the others with that, the reason being to give them an older more classic feeling.

I appreciate the head roll sounding like the queen of hearts but I don't see that. What does a queen of hearts sound like?

It doesn't matter what they did when they had drinks. These stories are intended to be short or simple. They could have had two drinks and then went home.

BTW, I think when any artist looks for a review they're not looking for an explanation of how you would do it. They're trying to find out how well somebody thinks they told the story. If it was enjoyable, was it funny, was it sad, was it complete and total bull. How did the reader feel after having read it. What thoughts did he have.

It's more important for me to know why you would change something instead of how you would change it.

Thanks for the comments.

[absorb21]

very nice, cut the One day, you can start with "The three came down.."

try "..head dropped into a bucket" head rolled sounds like the queen of hearts
I would certainly elaborate on what happened when they ha drinks, don't save it for next chapter let us know now, then we're hooked.

Your narration is fine, and with fantasy like this, readers get lost in the details, but you do a fine job keeping us from getting mixed up.

good luck!