Success

Success

A Poem by Crozby
"

Personal virtue stated as truth. AABB rhyme scheme, written in Iambic Pentameter.

"

Success


Success. The mere word I find disgusting,

Almost as empty as ‘tis condemning.

Provoking images of massive wealth,

Of a good job, nice car, and of good health.


But what of those who live in poverty?

Due to no fault of their own, certainly.

Or those who only want a simpler life?

One without the agony, pain, and strife.


Does an empty wallet, home, or garage,

Have to lead to some filthy, gross mirage,

Of a homeless man in a cardboard box?

Why must we think “Oh, having money rocks”?


Why can’t we grasp the concept that, maybe,

There is more to success than just money?

Such as fam’ly, acquaintances, or friends?

Vaults of mem’ries that seem to have no ends?


And what of friendship, its bond eternal?

All its feelings, inner and external?

To many, they don’t mean a goddamned thing,

When compared to a shining, golden ring.


I find the idea preposterous,

That one can claim to be and live prosp’rous,

When every night he lays ‘wake in bed,

Nearing forty-five, and still never wed.


Without any children to bear his name;

With wealth being his only call to fame.

In his garage, a shiny new red car,

In which he drives ev’ry night to the bar.



Where he raises glass and yells “Drinks on me!”

Then his “friends” give toast with their martini,

Down the drink, and ask for another two,

The reply: “Hell yeah, I always come through!”


Then ev’ry friend will leave, drunk off their mind.

And once more, at the bar’s close, he will find,

A revolutionary conclusion:

His “success” had been but an illusion.


Kicked out, he stumbles into his Lambo,

Trying an’thing to drown out his sorrow.

Swerving, vodka in hand, going one-ten,

He struggles to make it home once again.


Tears blend with liquor, running down his face.

His sole thought becomes finishing the race.

The tree comes up so fast, missed between drinks.

And his whole life flashes in just two blinks.


His thoughts drift to his former wife, Luanne.

He wonders if she’ll even give a damn.

And then he thinks of the son he left, Bill.

Wonders if he will come to read his will.


Then all the thoughts come crashing to an end,

As his very final breath he does spend.

And all that he wondered, all of his fears,

Come to be true; no-one shed any tears.


The names are fake, but the story is real;

When wealth is held as one’s only ideal,

And believed to be the key to success,

Well, then I hope that in peace they may rest.

© 2017 Crozby



Author's Note

Crozby
Please give general feedback, and tell me what you think. Be honest!

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Ballsy move to go with iambic pentameter, especially to do with the different stresses that have to be on certain words. I haven't checked every single line, but it seems to fit, I can't see anything out of place. Even though you used a specific form, this poem doesn't seem forced, which is good aha. That last stanza is a great ending point, extremely powerful. I found this to be a good read, you should be proud, using a specific form can be hard, but you did it, and well. :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Crozby

1 Year Ago

Thank you much! It was my first time writing in iambic pentameter outside of school, so I wasn't wat.. read more
Heather

1 Year Ago

Yeah, it's a tricky one! You are welcome :)



Reviews

I think this poem is well done. Rhymes are unstilted and meter seems to flow more or less as it should, and the message is very commendable. However, I think it could all be said with a few less verses, perhaps? But, nicely done.

Posted 1 Month Ago


thank you for sharing your piece. i enjoyed reading it.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Crozby

3 Months Ago

Thank you for the read, I'm glad you enjoyed.
This really highlights the unfortunate shallow view that society has towards success, like it has to fit into a certain mold of expectations and those who don't meet the standards are just pushed aside and disregarded. This poem is super polished and vivid, it sums up the idea really well with accurate points.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Your creativity amazes me. I am not sure on the meaning although I have tried

Posted 4 Months Ago


Crozby

4 Months Ago

"When wealth is held as one’s only ideal,
And believed to be the key to success,
We.. read more
I literally am in awe. This is art and it packs a hard punch, it delivers a message which definitely needs to be brought up. This is Literally so cool I can't write anything with this kind of message.

Posted 5 Months Ago


I'm going to get to the point, the way you wrote was beautiful. I enjoyed the poem itself and the words, but the style was beyond it. It was maybe a little long to get your point across, but you had my attention nevertheless.

Posted 8 Months Ago


Crozby

8 Months Ago

Thank you, and I agree. This was one of, if not my, first major piece, and I strived for a bit too m.. read more
Powerful. Sad. Great effort in binding it so well!

Posted 8 Months Ago


This poem brings me to tears every time, and you have so much potential. The way you write is amazing and I hope you never stop!

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I am no expert in this type of poetry, where there are such rules as syllables and rhymes. I don't read a lot of that kind of poetry, I'll be honest. Usually, the rhymes distract me from the message, but what I have to say and applaud you for it, is that that doesn't happen here. Here, you read the poem as if it were a normal poem, and the rhyme and the syllables gives rhythm and a sort of ethereal aesthetic or feel to it, so thank you for this! It changed the way I'll read that type of poetry from now on :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Crozby

1 Year Ago

Thank you very much, and I'm glad I can help! While rhyming poetry can be sloppy, it can also create.. read more
Ballsy move to go with iambic pentameter, especially to do with the different stresses that have to be on certain words. I haven't checked every single line, but it seems to fit, I can't see anything out of place. Even though you used a specific form, this poem doesn't seem forced, which is good aha. That last stanza is a great ending point, extremely powerful. I found this to be a good read, you should be proud, using a specific form can be hard, but you did it, and well. :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Crozby

1 Year Ago

Thank you much! It was my first time writing in iambic pentameter outside of school, so I wasn't wat.. read more
Heather

1 Year Ago

Yeah, it's a tricky one! You are welcome :)

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

3171 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on June 29, 2016
Last Updated on April 12, 2017

Author

Crozby
Crozby

Minoqua, WI



About
Hey, I'm Zach. Sixteen years old. R.A. Salvatore, Author of Homeland, is my hero. I enjoy writing, mainly poetry now (simply due to time, and, I admit, a growing love for it), but fantasy novels is th.. more..

Writing
The Dance The Dance

A Poem by Crozby


Don't Ask Why Don't Ask Why

A Poem by Crozby


My Only Friend My Only Friend

A Story by Crozby