Naked

Spent the night

wearing nothing

but your smell

wrapped in nothing

but your love

covered by nothing

but your quilt of patchwork promises

 

Reviews

[Fire Mage Andrea]

Very good poem. Short and to the point. It's easy to understand why the verse is called "Naked."
What I like about it is the fact it tells the reader that the character is naked, but it gives the impression that they aren't as naked as all that. They are clothed, but in things and ways invisible to themselves and others.
I think this verse has a romantic undercurrent to it as well.

[Utsuri]

Nicely done. Something that I thought would be erotic or sappy ended up completely raw with a deliciously delicate bitter after taste. Thank you.

[Star]

Makes me think.... very good

[Steven]

Very nice.. Somehow you made a textile substance from things even more real to us. How often do we ignore our physical surroundings that have become common to our eyes while in a state of emotional perplexity? And this 'nothing' revisited like the hammer of emotion on our mind. I have nothing, am nothing without you. It's a sick sick wonderfully sad place. I'm shocked by your simplicity. The truth has no where to hide. And there is much in leaving the reader hanging on the fact that promises were made which were very important, perhaps everything to the one promised--and yet no mention of whether they were fulfilled or not. The whole piece hangs in the air of unfulfillment, a waiting, a place like nothingness, unsure, undirectional. Strong.

[Crystal Elisa]

Success! I think you picked up on everything that I was trying to accomplish here. The echo of the nothing (sound of emptiness sort of thing) and the patchwork quilt of promises: reader left unknowing - is their smell, love, and promises enough to keep the other warm, or are they left naked and bare holding on to a lingering scent and pregnant promises....

[00000000000000000000000..]

Wow I love this:) Crystal

[Crystal Elisa]

Thanks so much, Jonathan

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Your very welcome:) Happy New Years:)