The Mystery

The Mystery

A Chapter by CrystalMoon

The mystery in uncovered.


   Hi i'm Samantha, but my friends call me Sam. I'm on my way to my friend Emily's house. I told my mom that it was ergent and that I had to see her. She gave right in, it was to easy to tell my mom stuff.

"Hey Em!" I greeted Emily as i walked up to her house. "What's up?"

"Hey Sam, nothing much." She responded happily. "Come on in. Oh and thanks for bringing her Mrs. Venice!" She called out to my mom as I walked in.

"No problem." My mom called back grinning.

"Let's go upstairs." Emily said.


   As we got upstairs we ran into her little brother, Jeremy. "Get out of my room Jeremy." She complained

"Fine I will, but is Sam staying for dinner? Mom wanted me to ask."

"I don't know, we'll figure that out in a while. Get out."

"Fine, fine, fine" He said walking out.

"Ok now that we're alone. What did you want to tell me so bad?"

   As she said that I pulled out a black rose from my backpack that I found in my locker today.

"What's that?" She asked.

"It's a black rose and I don't know what it means or who it came from."

"Well where'd you get it?"

"I found it in my locker."

"That's weird. What does the card say?"

"All it says is..'I Hope You Enjoy This Different Rose, From Your Secret Admirer''s weird."

"I'll say, but girl!"


"You have a secret admirer."

"Oh my gosh your right. All we have to do is find out who it is."

  When we were taking notes about the note, her brother Jeremy, walked in and we quickly hid the notes, rose, and the card.

"Mom needs to know right now if Sam is staying for dinner." He said

"Well hang on a sec and i'll call my mom."


   So I picked up my cell phone and dialed my mom.

"Hey mom, I said, can I stay for dinner?"

"Of course. Your father and I were gonna go out anyway, so i'll see you later."

"Ok mom, bye."


  Then I hung up the phone and told them that i am.

"Thank you." Jeremy reponded smiling.

    Then at that moment my cell phone rang but the caller id was an unknown number.

© 2011 CrystalMoon

Author's Note

I just came up with this and I don't know how lol

My Review

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Lol. It's good, but it could defintitely use some work. One, there isn't a lot of detail. I think the dialouge is great. (Dialouge is the people speaking, just in case you don't know what that means). It sounds like you're talking to me or Cassi. You need to go back through and capitalize anything that needs to be capitalized. You need to seperate the paragraphs with indentions, not by just pressing the enter key. And also, when you are using the dialouge, where the person is speaking, don't always have a period at the end. Like in the line, '"Hey mom." I said. "Can I stay for dinner?"', I would suggest having it set up like this: "Hey mom," I said, "can I stay for dinner?". That is a run on sentence that only has an interuption to show who is speaking. With the periods there, it makes it seem like there's two seperate sentences. I guess that could be considered two seperate sentences, but it flows better with the comma's instead of the periods. Just a thought.


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Added on March 3, 2010
Last Updated on January 12, 2011
Tags: Roses, Love




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