The plot

 

It was a cold, snowy beginning of November and somewhere in the darkest streets of Andorra la Vella where it snowed more than usual, a woman with hair as black as night and eyes green like sea-weed was about to walk in a whole mess of danger . She walked faster than she had ever imagined, through an old cobbled street, until she reached her destination. It was and ancient

looking café with broken glass windows and squeaky doors. The strange woman entered, she could see man watching football, girls talking about there day and even boys playing darts. It looked quiet normal to her. She passed the crowd of people and went into a supply room. She opened a cupboard which was on her right and pressed down a nail which wasn’t properly put in at the back. A few moments later a door appeared in front of her, without knocking she went in. The room appeared to be an office; there was a coffee machine on top of a pile of papers, an awkward looking wardrobe and at the other end of the room a table with folders, packages and all sorts of things spread on top of it. There was a complete silence until a man sitting near the table spoke.

"Mission accomplished?" he asked

"Yes, sir" answered the woman in a frightened tone.

"Sit down, Cordelia" he commanded pointing his finger to a seat in front of him. Cordelia (as was her name) hurried through the room, pulled the chair and sat on it.

"Where exactly was it?" questioned the strange man in a very important way.

"I don’t really know, Ralph" confessed Cordelia regretting having said his name.

He stared at her for a while and then spoke.

"Please, do tell me what happened" he told her.

"Well" she started "I was walking down one of the palace’s corridors and I heard about a meeting with a crystal ball …"

"It’s name?" interrupted Ralph

"Lilias, sir" she answered and then went on. "So I decided to go down to the potions chamber and find out what was going on. Once I got there I hid behind a wardrobe and whilst I was listening to their conversation I accidentally pushed a block behind me. For a moment there was nothing, but after a few minutes there was a glowing light and as I reached for it the glowing augmented and there was the “thing” you wanted."

As she had said the last words she pulled out a wand, it was glowing more than a firefly at night and it wasn’t made of wood or animal core it was made of crystal and diamond (according to books it would be the legendary unbreakable wand for the diamond was harder than any other and the crystal was the strongest ever found).

Ralph stared in amazement and took the wand.

"Finally, our time has come" he declared.

"Not that I want to interrupt" she said but what exactly are you going to do with it.

"A great question he talked most people would want to use it to do what they most wanted, but I plan on breaking the wand and pass all its powers to me."

"But the wand is unbreakable, sir" she pointed out

"Yes, but not all spells are weak are they" added Ralph.

    

Meanwhile in Magyk

 

"Quickly, James I want to see what mom and dad are up to!" shouted Miranda, the Empress’s youngest daughter, you are probably asking why Miranda talks more than she is supposed to know, well when she was born she fell into a potion called 'Language Reminder' which made her speak before she was supposed to.

"Just because you want to go doesn’t mean I have to" he complained.

"Oh really, well than I guess I’ll have to tell them you let Pegasus and Thunder out and didn’t even try and find them!" she added

"Ok! You win!" he said leaving the book he was reading on the table.

They went out of there sitting room, descended the steps, turned right, then left, went down with the lift (to  -5), got out and at that moment they bumped into one of the palace maids.

"Where do you two think you’re going?" she asked

Miranda looked at James as to say don’t you even think of telling her. And he instead returned a look of I can’t lie.

The maid was growing impatient but luckily the cook had just shouted her name and told her to come with her.

 

After a while Miranda and James came to their destination. Before James or Miranda could even knock on the door a voice shouted “Come in!”

James opened the door and went in followed by his sister.

"Ah, Mira and James, sit down before you two start making chaos" pointed out their father.

The room was quiet dark and scary for the first ones who see it.

"What’s that?" asked Mira (as everyone called her) pointing to a crystal ball on top of what looked like a scarlet table.

"That, my dear, is Lilias, the worst magic crystal ball I’ve seen" said her mom coming out of one of the dark corners of the room.

"Hey, I heard that!" complained the crystal.

"I think you were supposed to" confirmed James whilst reading the book.

"Wow, I never dreamed you’d say that" added Mira.

James smiled lightly at this, but Lilias groaned loudly.

"Why do you read books? You’re only 3, James" asked Natasha (their mom)

"And double wow!" said Mira shockingly.

"I think you know who is going to be the smartest" added Lilias looking at their parents.

"Hey, that offends people you know" boasted out Mira.

"Yeah, know you know how I feel" he told her.

James proud of hearing this had just stood up.

"Now if you don’t mind I didn’t want to be here in the first place" he told them and walked out the door.

"Well, even better one less started the annoying crystal but still 3 to go…"

"Right, now we have questions" interrupted Fabian (their father)

"This has to be good, I was in the middle of watching “Sea Cucumbers”"

complained Lilias.

"Do those series even exist?" asked Mira.

"It’s a movie" said Lilias.

"Who cares?" she quickly added.

"Let’s skip to the point" ordered Natasha.

"I’d prefer to stay at the point but if we have to do this" said Fabian willingly.

"Everyone says that" complained Lilias.

Without listening they went on.

"Future!" commanded Natasha.

"Always the same question" he complained for the 100^th time that day. "Ok, here it goes." While he said that he (it) started glowing and started: "Sometime at the begging of this month the Queen will have triplets 2 girls and 1 boy (of course everyone knew that Natasha was pregnant). One of these shall be the next rising star. For today the sacred mark shall rise and it will be stronger than ever for they have the unbreakable wand…" the crystal stopped glowing and the prophecy had finished.

Lilias who never remembered anything he said when he predicted a prophecy asked

"You all look like you’ve seen a Striker."

Mira looked at her parents in horror and confusion for she was aware of the prophecy and at the same time didn’t understand half the thing Lilias had said.

"Right, I let you think how your life’s will end while I’ll… go do things a 2 and a half year old girl would do" she spoke.

 

***

 

Lilias was right for the Empress had triplets 1 boy whom she named Harry and 2 girls whom she named Tory and Angela. Fabian and Natasha were extremely happy but there was one thing they couldn’t keep of their mind: the crystal had never said which one of them would be the next rising star.

 

 

Author's Note

ignore grammar and go easy pls

Reviews

[Riley]

This is a good story plot. You do have grammar problems, and the only thing I would suggest is add quotation marks around your quotes because I was struggling to tell where sentences ended. Don't give up. Your story has a lot that other girls your age are not able to do. You are very talented.

[.]

Thanks and I guess you're right about adding quotations.

[Ruby]

i love it :) 100/100

[.]

Tnx! I'm glad ulike it, took me some time to write it :D

[Ruby]

lol :)

[Katherine Enma Pineappl..]

Nice but you have some problems but I don't want to remind you of that seeing as you have a really nice and interesting thing you're going with.

You definitely have a trademark style in writing and I'd love to read more of it :D

[.]

Thank u! :)

[James Tyler]

To be only 11 years old, you're an excellent writer. You have a great imagination and enough skill to translate that imagination into words. Like the other commenters have pointed out, there are mistakes in grammar. Make sure you proofread and if necessary find another set of eyes, but even then mistakes happen and are not always found. Its the plot, style, characterization, and other story elements that matter most, and you're off to a great start.

[.]

Tnx

[Derek Cummings]

Interesting idea and story. I thought it flowed well and your choice of words and description was a good way to entice my attention and help see the scenes and characters instead of just reading, despite the grammatical errors. Don't worry, just learn and grow...we all make mistakes, even the veteran authors, which is why they have professional editors to fix them. Thanks for sharing!

[.]

Tnx

[SmileBig :)]

You deffinitly have spelling/grammar problems. Run on sentences is a problem you seem to have. Plus, the word choice, just being an honest critic, is mediocre. The plot is nice, but I feel like you could spice it up a little more. All around, the story is good. And for your age, I am very impressed with the skills that you do have. Keep writing, and keep learning :)

[.]

tnx for the review

[Timeless-Chan]

I like it so far, You've sent up a good plot and backstory for the rest of the book. Things I'd change up tho are the quotations marks like Riley said. Also is Mira a 2 1/2 year old girl or is she older? If she is then her talk is quite advanced and you should put some explination into why it's so advance. Most two year olds don't really talk but you can put observations and stuff in because i'd think that 2 year olds are very curious about their world. Use that to your advantage and make the most normal things sound amazing and new and interesting:) other then that i really like where you're going with this. Keep it up!
~Dreamer!

[.]

Tnx I will put the quotation marks ofcourse and the part of Mira is true aswell tnx for the help.