Shifting Sands Inside This Hour Glass

Grains of Sand

This mountain I climb

Is a glass house

Time fades away

The hours pass swiftly

I’m drowning

Pockets full of rocks

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

Very interesting. I feel the helplessness and the erosion of those elements . I also feel like your senses are drowning in life's difficulties...Splendid...:)

[DCT ponderings]

Thanks Sami- This one is a bit of an evolutionary work. After Sarah's review I have been attempting to expand on the original lines. For your review I can tell it is getting closer.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. Good to know . you are welcome...Bravo

[Keith]

There is no harder job that trying to climb a sand hill. Enormous effort to gain little headway, always feeling like you are weighed down by those rocks, perfect metaphor to describe a difficult time in one's life.

[DCT ponderings]

Thanks Keith. You describe what I was after very well. I think Sarah was right in saying this one could be expanded a little more.

[Leandro Mendez]

sad write, but well written, cool little piece

[DCT ponderings]

Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Interesting idea...in such a concise piece, the images are all seemingly unrelated, but somehow they end up making sense in an unusual way. You have the sand turning to a mountain within a glass house in which you are drowning with pockets full of rocks...there is a definite sense of desperation in the words, which was quite nice. I do think this would be absolutely fabulous if you delved a little deeper into the idea and made it a little longer, but as is, I still enjoyed it.

[DCT ponderings]

It definitely needs expansion. You are right. I actually see someone caught inside the hour glass, time running away, the sand shifting beneath their feet as they try to move forward, climb to the top only to be weighed down by baggage and the things you can't let go off along the way.