Above All Beauty

Sky-lit is the winding road
Spread before a sea of trees
Hand-brushed are the clouds
Dancing with the night breeze
Hung low is the gentle moon
Lighting up all lost streets
Conjured are the soft images
Of peace and safe serenity
Vivid are the sparkled stars
That complete this scenery
Foreboding is the morning
As tonight slips into memory
Yet prevalent are the flickers
Of you melting into me

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This is profound in its imagery! Very profound! And it all comes down to an ending that really delivers a bang! The only aspect where this falls flat is in its musicality/rhythm.....certain lines don't contain the right amount of syllables to carry it through entirely. By your first two lines (from where musicality and rhythm are measured), it's clear the lines are roughly going to be a repetition of seven syllables beginning on a troche. Not beginning on a troche afterwards is fine, but since all the lines share a common flow, the non-troche lines would still have to measure at least seven syllables from the first down beat (8 would do,too, though nine would be pushing the limit) ....otherwise your musicality goes off, and the poem starts to sound bad regardless of the power in the imagery surrounding its theme. Every aspect of this poem is brilliant, but the musicality could be tweaked a bit so it flows smoother towards the bang of an ending. Well done!!

[emipoemi]

I reread this poem, and I realize that the only line that's iffy in musicality is "conjured are the soft images".....the musicality seems to be doing something weird there that it doesn't seem to be doing anywhere else, and it's probably because "images" is I-ma-ges and not i-MA-ges. I still rank this as a favourite for it's so well done.