Going to Coventry

A short poem about life traps

As I was going to Coventry

 I met a man upon his knees

 Who cursed the skies ferociously:

“By God, I wish I wasn’t me!”

 

To Coventry though I was bound

I paused to pick him off the ground,

I shook his shoulders, slapped him round -

His predicament seemed that profound.

 

“Why’d you wish you weren’t yourself?”

“Cos I’m the kind of low-down elf

 That spends his life upon the shelf

 Wishing that he weren’t himself.”

 

I wandered on, head wrapt in thought,

And wondered what I’d just been taught.

I pondered that each life is fraught

With traps in which the soul is caught.

Author's Note

I said I didn't often mess with full rhymes, so to contradict myself I dragged another rhymer out. What do you think?

Reviews

[richom]

Excellent rhyme and meter, with fine reading cadence (except for the last line of the second stanza). Using the same rhymes for an entire stanza usually results in some lines that sound forced. None of your do; all of them fit and add to the narrative. I think you should "mess with full rhymes" more often. You do it so well.

[Daniel Eaves]

Thanks richom. You're perfectly right about the last line of the second stanza, but I thought "what the Hell, go with meaning over form". It could be better though. There's no way of changing it without losing 'predicament', which I like - it matches with 'profound' and the pair match with the pair above 'paused to pick'.
The think about rhymes is they add a comedic or goofy value to your poem. I just can't bear all of those serious poems out there that rhyme. Setting the right tone is the key, then it can be done well.

[Mockingbird]

sounds like we all have free choice and we don't have to be a prisoner of our own making. we could change. good reminder to ourselves. great job.

[SyberRose]

Enjoyed your words and subtlety of the message and imagery...nice flow and rhythm...Rose

[Daniel Eaves]

Thank you for your kind words, Rose. I'm sincerely glad you enjoyed it.

[Sami Khalil]

A lot of wisdom in your words. The last two lines were great...:)

[Daniel Eaves]

Thank you, Sami. I'm glad such a gifted wordsmith as yourself enjoys my work.

[Sami Khalil]

I do. You are welcome...:)