Ophelia's Home for the Forgotten

Ophelia watched as the pile up began. A log flew off a logging truck. It hadn't been fastened on properly. A few cars behind the truck was a school bus. Nineteen second graders on a field trip to the aquarium. Ophelia would take them to the aquarium later, but for now, she would watch.
The log lands itself in the red car, by way of the windshield. The car spun out of control, taking new cars with it. More logs into more cars, and onto the road. Eventually, the bus gets caught up in the madness. It flips. A car explodes. Shrapnel everywhere. More cars explode. The bus explodes. The scene is rather saddening, but Ophelia is used to it.
The mishap ends almost as quickly as it had begun. There are now ambulances and fire trucks everywhere. Ophelia walks over to the charred remains of the children, one by one, taking their hands. Most are too shocked too say anything, a few are looking around.
One boy sees his and many of his friends' bodies on the ground. He gasps. Ophelia turns the boy's attention, along with the other kids', to herself and asks, "Who wants to visit the aquarium?"

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Cheery! I have to be honest - I'm not sure what's going on. There must be something supernatural going on or how could the charred remains of the children be looking around? Then the final part 'One boy sees his and many of his friends' bodies. He gasps. Ophelia turns his attention to her' - is the change from him to her a slip? What is the significance of the aquarium - am I missing something? Sorry i can't be more positive!
Alan

[Ember Smyth]

Hi, sorry it's so confusing! I was aiming for ghost woman runs ghost orphanage for ghost children. And the aquarium was just to take the children's minds off of the fact that they had just died. Thanks for the review!

[alanwgraham]

Thanks - I need more practice at this! I am taking things too literally and the irony is I feel a bit miffed when people miss the point of my work! I can see it all now! Don't let me put you off!
Cheers, Alan

[Ember Smyth]

Thanks for the review and reply, and I am glad that you took the time to write it! If you liked this, you should also try my other short story, Hunting Season!

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

The beginning of this scene reminds me of the movie "Final Destination". However the reference to Ophelia indicates that she a spirit lady, of some sort, who wants to render assistance, of some nature, to the spirits of the dead children. This last part of the story, where Ophelia gathers the children, is where the story should start. Then describe how the boy feels as he notices that his charred body is separated from him and how Ophelia then turns his attention to herself. Make use of the reference to the aquarium to build an idea of passing between the the land of the living into the realm of spirit. After that at the end, "behind them" the narrator looks back to the scene of the accident, as Ophelia leads the children away.
This will render a greater impact on the reader.