A World Full Of Ghosts

To an old friend, a lost love, a bitter enemy, a fallen hero.

Curbside imitations of a fairweather farewell,

Addicted to the secrets you swore you'd never tell.

Setting fire to the past and burying the blame,

Just another street where all the houses look the same.

The only memory that you still dare to recall,

Is the night you bid a bitter goodbye to it all.

You swore then your heart would beat stronger than most,

To be the only living soul in a world full of ghosts.

 

The cold brush of indifference pervades your hollow dreams,

As you spurn the very stars that granted all you gleaned.

All the friends you once held close are short-lived alibis,

Making fiction of your life, burning pages as they write.

Don't deign to pay attention, you've got expensive taste,

Never mind the hearts you broke, the dreams we helped you chase.

Still you attribute to fate this harrowed life you chose,

To be the only living soul in a world full of ghosts.

 

The sting of grace forsaken is not so ill a fit,

For a spirit caged by pride that no fear could afflict.

Helpless as I circle the block just one last time,

I cannot face or fathom what's become of your life.

I did not answer when you called, I could only stand apalled,

We all must watch our heroes fall.

This is why I pray that I'm the one who haunts you most,

When you're the only living soul in a world full of ghosts.

Author's Note

What did you think? Did you find it cohesive and well-written, or sloppy and in need of polishing? Most importantly, could you relate to the notion of being left behind and feel a resonance with the overall tone?

Reviews

[M.Kilani]

since I'm the first to review your first post on Writers Cafe, I'm going to be honest, to start with the six-line stanza I find it a bit hard to write a six-line stanza, but you did a good job at that, although the rhyme was a bit forced at the first one yet turned out to be good, I like the realism of this piece, to be honest I've never lost anyone in order to relate to it but I find it quit outstanding, your choice of diction was wonderful I love this part "We all must watch our heroes fall." haven't read anything like it in a while, you did a great job at ending each stanza with almost the same line, this is professional and hard to do, the line-meter was a bit tricky lines were slightly long, but the flow gets better as you read on, great piece you have here ...well done ... keep it up

[Noa]

Hello!

Cohesive and well-written? Yes! I admire your long lines, because keeping a steady rhythm with so many syllables is quite a challenge. Here and there you miss a beat (some could be brought closer by using more commas), but it does not change the overall flow of the poem.

There are some amazing lines in here, wonderful vocabulary, and the rhymes make this piece linger after reading. The repetition, as I've seen mentioned in earlier reviews, adds to the power of the ending.

I feel as if you have written the final two lines before the earlier lines in that stanza; the transition does not feel entirely seamless to me, and it is also not all that clear exactly why the speaker prays etc.

I've recognized a lot of poetic devices here, and they work well together to form this great poem.

Thank you for sharing your work!
-Noa

[Ness of Love]

This was really nice. The rhyming words fit well with each other and I can imagine a scene playing in my head, which I think is good for poems. The words flowed together very nicely. Your word choice is extremely good, also.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

relatable~ rhythmic~ beautifully defined expressive parameters bring the poem into a light of cohesive wholeness~

[Amy Bumpas]

This is a very deep poem, emotional. It also rhymed very well together,
and brought a life of its own. I really liked these last lines:I did not answer when you called, I could only stand apalled,

We all must watch our heroes fall.

This is why I pray that I'm the one who haunts you most,

When you're the only living soul in a world full of ghosts.

[paparapapa]

Woah. This one's really good. How you repeated the line with the title of the poem added to its appeal. Also, you chose brilliant words to paint the exact image that you want your readers to see. For me, this is really well-written! Really good job on this one. :)

[Lonnie Paul Johnson]

I don't think the poem is sloppy, I like the rhymes usage, well done.

keep writing :)

[ChaoticSoul]

I believe I just fell in love with this. It has absolutely inspired me to go write something right this very moment. It reminds me of somethings I have written myself, in fact. You have an excellent way of playing with the words and the stanzas. As someone who writes the most unconventional poetry ever, I really, really admire writers who develop a scheme with their poetry as you have done here. Beautiful imagery and descriptors. Well done!